


Break In

by Kahli



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Love at First Sight, Mutual Pining, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Physical Abuse, Redeemed Ben Solo, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rough Sex, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Stormpilot, Strangers to Lovers, Unresolved Sexual Tension, even more angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-05-17 20:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 71,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14838611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahli/pseuds/Kahli
Summary: Rey, a junkyard scavenger desperate for food, wasn't stealing. She was starving.-“Which name am I supposed to use now?” She winced at the pathetic pant she had released instead of the spitting disgust she had hoped for.He still had her pinned to the wall and despite the increase of pressure he palmed into her waist, his face softened into something that Rey knew was all too dangerous. How could she hate him when he looked at her like that?“I want to hear you say it” He murmured, hot against her neck. The baritone of his voice travelled down the canal of her throat and heated somewhere deep inside her. Killing her would be a mercy compared to the assault of sensation charging every nerve end in her body right now.“Say it” The staccato and the heat of his breath licked at her neck once more.The traitorous friction of her thighs pressing together for any semblance of relief caused her breath to rasp and his eyes immediately snapped to the tremble of her lips. It had been enough to best her and before she could even fight to regain some control; the name rolled from her lips as if she was in worship.“Ben”She only hoped it still held some belief.





	1. Nobody

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So this fic originally started out as a little warm up to ease me back into writing, but it turned into a fully fledged story instead. So here I am wanting to share my first fic in 9 years, with you guys! So please go easy on me as I'm still slowly getting back into the swing of it and please drown me in feedback! I need all the help I can get!
> 
> Also a big soppy thank you to my gorgeous friend Devon who has spent hours with me in Starbucks on my Mac rereading every chapter and deciphering my messy writing. You helped me shape this into something even better then I thought it could be. So this is for you girl! I love you x

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Nobody**

 

_I’m Nobody! Who are you?_

_Are you – Nobody – too?_

_Then there’s a pair of us!_

_Don’t tell! they’d advertise – you know!_

 

_How dreary – to be – Somebody!_

_How public – like a Frog –_

_To tell one’s name – the livelong June –_

_To an admiring Bog!_

_\- Emily Dickinson_

 

* * *

 

 

It must of been late, the air had cooled, bringing relief from the dry heat of the day and the sky had lost it’s deep navy blue tint and had become a dark wash of black. The mechanical screeches of the machines in the scrap yard had subsided. The heavy smell of welded metal had faded and was replaced with it’s rusted predecessors and Rey stood in the middle of it all. A desert of rust and copper skeletons before her. From where she stood, it looked endless and this only deepened the sigh that escaped her body.

 _Is this all there is?_ The thought weighed heavy in her mind, and before she could let it manifest itself further, she clambered from the remains of a car, she had stripped of it’s parts months ago. She had found herself regularly perching on it’s roof most nights, silently begging the night sky for rescue. She soon realised she had started climbing higher each time on the off chance that maybe if she just got a bit closer, she would be heard.

It also helped hide her, from him, if only for a moment.

Slinging an oiled rag over her shoulder, Rey began to slowly pace towards the tap jutting crookedly from the outside shop wall, scrubbing the slick grime that had coated her hands. Her body began humming with the heavy ache that always accompanied her at the end of the day, and without the distraction that scavenging brought, the sickening creep of hunger had begun to set in, only to be silenced by the loud grunt that summoned her from across the yard, snapping her body straight and rigid with panic.

 

“GIRL”

_Shit._

 

His voice was deep and thick with anger and it reverberated against the sea of metal that encased Rey in the yard. She had hid from his summons once and soon learned. A dislocated shoulder from how hard he had yanked her from her hideout had been her lesson. She was eight then. Eleven years on, nothing had changed.

Rey gritted her teeth, and began rubbing the back of her neck with the cold water that she had cupped in her hands to drink. She needed to be alert around him, and the cold streams running down her back snapped her from her haze. She tightened the top of her beige overalls that she had tied around her waist, tugging hard on the frayed sleeves that hung and swung freely at the side of her legs, pushing the hunger deeper into the pit of her stomach and began her march to his office.

She had barely climbed the first step, the wooden creak betraying her arrival, and the door flew violently open. The light in his office was completely eclipsed by the sheer size of the man in front of her. His neck completely drowned in a heavy roll of red skin and swollen fat that melted into the rest of his body. His skin had it’s usual greasy sheen and the sweat that had escaped him caused the few remaining strands of his hair to stick to his head, while the rest trickled down the flat structure of his nose that pushed his lips into an unwavering hard line.

The sickly smell of sweat had hit her senses first and it always left her fighting the dry heaves that tried to betray her, but with her victory against her body, there only came fear. His giant frame began advancing towards her, there was no mistaking his anger and instinctually Rey’s body began to tense into a hard shell ready for impact. The bag he had been dragging behind him flew towards Rey, who only in the last second ducked to the side. A clash of metal hitting the ground caused her to flinch and with a scrunch of her nose as her last line of defence, Rey was ready.

His hand, layered in a film of oily sweat, snapped to Rey’s wrist violently bringing it up to his chest, she struggled to remain on her feet and would of been suspended in the air if it wasn’t for the heavy front of her boots allowing her to remain on tip toe. His hands were large and could wrap around her wrist at least twice. Despite the size and age difference between the two, he didn’t relent and clamped onto her arm, forcing her hand up into an angle that caused her to yelp in pain.

“You think this is acceptable? This junk?” He spat the last word of his sentence.

Rey recoiled her face away from him but he only snatched her attention back by clawing and scraping his fingers into the back of her skull. He knotted his fingers into the stack of the three buns her hair was styled in and snapped her neck back to face him.

 

“Unkar.. please” The pain seared up her wrist and into her shoulder, causing her to stutter her words between gulps of breath. “I’m sorry”.

 

“Sorry doesn’t make me money Girl, it doesn’t sell this scrap and it doesn’t get you fed. You’ve lost your portions for the week”

 

His grip tightened to the point Rey thought her wrist would snap under the strain until he finally threw her to the ground. The impact winded her as she landed on the bag of parts she had scavenged that day. The pain of it’s metal contents jarring and biting into the flesh and bone of her back made Rey stand as fast as she had been thrown.

_No. No. No._

The hunger that had dulled in her stomach returned with alarm, the desperation for food had the words leaving her mouth before she realised just how stupid a mistake she had made.

 

“You can’t, you haven’t given me portions for two days! These parts were worth three portions each last week..”

 

Her voice began to fade and Unkar rounded on her before she could even begin to whisper an apology. His hand met her face, his whole palm dominating her profile and connecting to her cheek, the impact sent her crashing once again to the floor. The aftermath of his assault left a deep split in the dry crack of her lip that streamed a harsh red down her chin and an angry pulse in her left eye, which was sure to match the bruised ring of the hand print around her wrist. His frame leaned over her, almost challenging her to fight back so he could repeat his torment on her again.

 

“I own you girl” His lips curled and he leaned in closer, causing Rey to instantly retract her legs to her chest on the floor, forming a crude shield. “You’re nobody”.

 

With a slam of his office door, Rey was left on the ground. Her eyes began stinging with tears or the pain from where he had struck her, she wasn’t sure, but she slowly raised herself from the floor, testing her body and assessing the damage. The bagged metal had left small cuts across her back from where he had thrown her, and her eye had already began shadowing into a harsh shade of purple. She tugged at the neckline of her vest and wiped the blood already clotting on her lip.

 _“You’re nobody”_ the words swam in her head. He was right, she wasn’t. No family. No friends. Just him. He had plucked her from foster care when she was five. Pretending he was going to be a doting father. The reality was he needed someone small to crawl through the mangled metal of scrap to get the most valuable parts that he couldn’t reach. No one came to her rescue and here she was years later, working for food, in the hope that when her birth parents return to the foster home, the records of her adoption would lead them here, to her.

Her train of thought abruptly ended as her stomach responded with cramps of hunger, causing her to wince.

_Food._

Rey stole a glance towards Unkar’s office. The light which had once silhouetted him in the doorway was now switched off, signalling he had retired for the night. She turned her head to the exit gate, and with each pang of hunger, the idea began to take shape in her mind.

_He won’t know. If I’m quick._

Rey scaled the gate with ease, despite the splintering sensation in her wrist. She knew Unkar would force her to work through the pain and fatigue of hunger to the point of collapse, so she had no option but to scavenge for scraps to keep her strength. She paused after a few steps and came to the sad realisation that these scraps were not going to be made out of metal.

Unkar never shared the profits of her findings and compensated her only in portions of army rations. Paying for fresh food with an income she didn’t have, wasn’t a possibility and neither was stealing it, leaving only one other option. Her arm snaked to her stomach and squeezed, suppressing her hunger and forcing out any residing doubt rooted in her gut. With a deep exhale, she tightened the wrap of her overalls on her waist, fixed one of the buns on her head that Unkar had loosened during his attack and set her course towards town.

Picking up the pace, confidence building in each step, Rey eyed the sign that stood before the yard. ‘Jakku Junkyard’ blazed in red above an overbearing picture of Unkar Plutt posing in a way he believed to be inviting. Rey’s skin crawled at the sight of it and after quickly passing, decided to double back and kick it hard to floor, leaving a small dirt imprint of her boot between his eyes and a heavy dent on the flattened slope of his nose. Her stomach growled in protest of her priorities and with one last glance at the gate, she shifted her focus back to her mission.

_Find food. Don’t get caught. Easy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys have enjoyed it so far and please let me know in the comments if you have! 
> 
> I promise it does get a bit more interesting from here! And just to clear any confusion, the italic text is the character's thoughts and not verbal speech. 
> 
> There's also a lot of TFA and TLJ references hidden throughout so hope you enjoy the little Easter eggs :)


	2. Girl

* * *

 

 

**Chapter 2**

**Girl**

 

In the age of gold,

Free from winter's cold,

Youth and maiden bright,

To the holy light,

Naked in the sunny beams delight.

 

Once a youthful pair,

Filled with softest care,

Met in garden bright

Where the holy light

Had just removed the curtains of the night.

                                                                                   - Wiliam Blake

 

* * *

 

 

Rey had reached town, accompanied with a heavy belting of rain to keep her company half way through her journey. As she started approaching the first rows of houses, she was soaked through. Her vest and lowered overalls providing little protection from the heavy lashing of rain. Her buns had grown heavier and the grime from her days spent in the junkyard began to clump into a thick paste on her skin.

_Fuck. This was a mistake._

Panic began to set in. The rain was unforgiving and any food miraculously left out for her would most likely be so spoiled that even someone in her desperation couldn’t stomach it.

_Think Rey, think._

 

She turned her head facing the rows of houses. Houses larger then she had ever seen or dreamed of. Ornate in build and bathed in a soft glow of light from neighbouring windows. She followed the street down further, drinking in the comfort of what a home like this must feel like. Minutes of admiring felt like hours until her attention was quickly stolen back as the cold spike of water began leaking through the worn areas of her boots and in between her toes. 

Rey resumed her pace, eyeing each house. Despite her reluctance she knew there was only one way she going to get dry food for free without blowing her cover or making any human contact. Her eyes began scanning each house anxiously, all had lights on indicating they were occupied. She couldn’t risk being caught and the thought of what punishment Unkar would have for her made her blanch.

In a final spin of panic, Rey turned to face the last house and expected to be bathed in the lights indicating it’s occupants were home, but found herself still shadowed and pelted by the rain. Despite the lack of life inside, Rey found herself staring up in awe, it was at least double the size of the rest she had passed. Whoever lived here had money, and money meant wasted food.

Rey swept her head round the street and back towards her targeted house, assessing if anyone was there to apprehend her. When she had her answer, her brows knitted in a tight determined v, and she scaled the side fence and landed in the back garden, and began looking for her prize. Determined not to be distracted further by the grandeur of her new environment, Rey continued on her mission until she reached her goal. Her stomach, despite aching with hunger, dropped and her heart followed soon after as her sights fell on the bins before her and she sighed.

 

_I’m a scavenger, not an animal._

 

She took one last look at the house beside her and hoped that it’s opulent appearance would mean the bins shared the same theme and lifted the lid hesitantly until it was fully open. Craning her neck in, she began filing through the discarded rubbish. She found nothing of merit and she began to delve in a little deeper until her legs had completely left the floor and she was balancing her stomach on the lid allowing her torso to dive in and give her more of an angle to dig her arms deeper. Her hands blindly feeling through the contents, with the occasional chinking of beer bottles and cardboard grating the side until eventually she found her prize.

 

_No fucking way. A whole loaf? This is enough for a week?!_

 

Rey emerged from the rubbish, the rain still pelting down on her hard. She juggled a full and still sealed loaf of bread in her hands, letting out a laugh and began skipping across the decking of the house she had technically broken into. She saluted the black windows in thanks with a chuckle and as she reached the centre, she froze as a blinding white flash from above washed her in dazzling light, illuminating the whole garden and everything she had just done.

 

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

 

Her vision was still speckled with white orbs thanks to the unrelenting light that still kept her frozen to the spot out of fear. But even she couldn’t deny the windows of the house were no longer dark and were now one by one bathing her in the same light it’s neighbours had in the street.

 

Someone was home and someone knew she was there.

 

Rey shielded her eyes from the harsh glare of the security light with her hands, still dazzled and still clutching onto her prized bread, she tried finding her bearings to plan an escape, but found herself spinning back to her previous position facing the house. Voices and silhouettes began to emerge behind the curtains shrouding the large glass doors in front of her.

 

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

 

Rey snapped her legs stiff from fear, she turned and began to attempt a sprint to clear the fence. Just as her footing fled the decking and onto the lawn, a deep roar clearly belonging to the disgruntled owner, travelled through the garden. Rey picked up the pace but before she could even begin to see the outline of the fence, she felt a hard slam to her back. The owner had cleared the garden in half the steps she had and tackled her to the floor with such force, Rey gasped for the air that had been knocked from her.

She felt both of her shoulders become incased in a firm grip, rolling her on her back and pinning her to the ground. Judging by the scale of them she could of said they belonged to Unkar, but they lacked the rough callouses and grime she was all too familiar with; she was instead met with the unfamiliar sensation of supple, warm skin. She squinted in the hard rain that pelted her eyes, just barely making out a wide shadowed figure pinning her to the grass. His hair was long and in the rain it had stuck in all directions across his face and neck. He was at least double the size of her and she knew that no amount of fighting or resisting would get her free from this.

 

“You low life piece of shit, think you can sneak in here and help yourself?” His voice rumbled low and growled the end of each word, never betraying the anger in his voice.

 

Rey began to squirm and wriggle in an attempt to free herself of his grip as his voice quaked through her body, it caused the hairs on her body to stand to attention and she found herself wriggling to avoid the sensation. His grip on her shoulders tightened in what he thought would cause his assailant discomfort, but compared to what Unkar subjects her too, he felt gentle in comparison.

 

“Get. Off. Of. Me.”

 

Rey grunted each word, struggling against his strength and continued to wriggle to no avail. She suddenly froze as the security light that had exposed her earlier and continued to dazzle her was switched off followed by another voice shouting from the glass doors she had bolted from.

 

“Did you get the bastard?”

 

She couldn’t make out the owner but it was clear it was another man, noticing his voice was not as deep and filled with the same level of anger as the stranger that still had her pinned to the floor.

White dots continued to swim in and out of her vision and the plastic wrapping of her treasured loaf, was still gripped tight in her hand. The man turned his head from hers and directed his response at the glass door, the rain from his hair streaming down and pooling in her chest.

 

“Yeah I got him, I’m bringing him inside and we’ll ring the police”

 

His hands released her shoulders only to forcefully scrunch into the sodden straps of her vest and snatch her off the floor and towards the house in one swift solid movement. When stood and being marched alongside him to the house, his size became apparent. He towered above her and his hand, which was now scrunched into the back of her vest, spanned across most of her back. His face, that was partly illuminated by the light from the house, gently glazed the sharp angles of his face. She stole a glance at her capturer from the corner of her eyes and immediately noted the harsh cut of his nose, full lips that were set in a hard line, the occasional mole dotting into his pale skin and the dramatic mess of wet black hair that fell just above his shoulders. His eyes set firmly towards the door, not breaking his line of sight once to meet her, she thought maybe it was out of disgust or determination to make it inside. She couldn’t be sure and her mind became a flash flood of panicked thoughts.

 

_Wait. He? Bring him inside? Does he think I’m a man?!_

_Police? Fuck._

_Unkar is going to kill me._

_Why am I still holding onto this fucking Bin Bread?_

_Fuck it, it’s mine now asshole._

 

Finally reaching the door and escaping the beating of the heavy rain, the stranger who had latched onto her back shoved her through and into what she assumed was the kitchen. Before she could scoff at the ridiculous size of it, he released her vest and propelled her towards who she assumed was the owner of the voice from across the garden. He caught her mid stumble, latching onto the sides of her arms as she lost her footing, sending the loaf of bread, she had somehow managed to latch onto this entire time, flying across the kitchen tile.

_Shit._

She reluctantly snatched her possessive stare from the bread, and hoisted herself back off his chest and glanced up towards the other stranger that had caught her mid fall. His face that was initially a hard scowl soon fell after scanning her face, and then down her body, his arms quickly dropping to his side, leaving Rey standing rigid and vulnerable. His mouth fell into an open gasp and his eyes began mirroring the fear that had set in hers.

The man that had practically dragged her by the scruff of her neck, had instantly turned to lock the glass doors as he launched Rey to his friend, not even bothering to look at her. He chuckled smugly under his breath and despite still facing his back to the two of them, completely oblivious to the both of them staring at each other in horror, he continued to insult Rey in the deepest register he could muster.

 

“There you go Poe, it’s all secure. Hopefully that thieving scum is by himself, I can’t be bothered to catch anymore”

 

Rey could practically hear the smirk on his face.

 

_Fuck off asshole._

 

“Uhh.. Ben.” Poe’s voice cracked at the revelation before him.

 

“Ben” He repeated more panicked then before.

 

Rey broke from Poe’s horrified stare, after deeming she was at least safe from him and turned to face the man she had mentally labelled asshole. The giant frame of his back still turned away from her as he tested the security of the door, and ensuring it was in fact locked.

 

“We got him, so will you please shut up and call the police” He grunted in an attempt to bat off Poe’s whining.

 

“BEN”

 

Rey flinched at the echo of Poe’s voice travelling through the kitchen, clearly having the same effect on Ben, who immediately turned from the door, launching at Rey who he had suspected was escaping. He instantly froze, inches from her, the sight of her standing stiff, eyes wide and her nose scrunched up, expecting his impact. His eyes scanned her face first, and then travelled down her body, lingering on her chest confirming she was in fact female, far longer then she would of liked, before retreating back to the safe territory of her eye line. His gaze burned into her leaving her feeling exposed and caused the fine hairs on her arm to prickle. His mouth, that she thought was carved in a constant unwavering scowl, parted in shock and confusion.

Rey peeled her eyes from Ben, and stared down at her feet, wincing at the scenarios of Unkar’s confrontation she was imagining in her head. She hadn’t uttered a word since she was escorted in to the house. But even now with the opportunity to beg to let her go with their discarded loaf of bread and return unnoticed, she remained silent. She was in this situation because she was stupid enough to open her mouth and the evidence of her lesson being learned was still smarting on her body. She had been educated enough today.

 

_You fucked up Rey. For a loaf of expired bread. You fucking idiot._

 

But then his eyes darted to parts of her she had forgotten about in the commotion. The stark purple that encased her left eye, the split in her lip, and the monstrous hand shaped bruise around her wrist. The clumps of grime and rain stuck to her skin and his face fell when he looked her once more up and down, noticing just how underfed she was. Even she couldn’t deny her shoulders jutting out sharply and the angry contouring of her collarbone just above her chest.

His eyes met hers, they softened in a way she didn’t think possible from him and she was sure he was battling the tremble of his lips. She wasn’t sure what scared her more, the hatred he had for the scavenging thief he had caught in his garden or the pity that had begun to set behind his eyes at the starving figure in his kitchen.

 

“Ben, she’s just a..”

Ben’s voice, cutting Poe from finishing his sentence. was rich and velveted in low registers and tones Rey hadn’t heard before. His eyes continued to bore into Rey, leaving her feeling more exposed by him then the security light that had snared her on his decking only ten minutes ago and he only murmured one word.

“Girl..”


	3. Just You

* * *

 

**Chapter 3**

**Just you**

 

And were You lost, I would be – 

Though My Name

Rang loudest

On the Heavenly fame – 

 

And were You – saved – 

And I – condemned to be

Where You were not – 

That self – were Hell to Me – 

                                                                - Emily Dickinson 

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you still want me to call the police?”

 

Poe’s voice dropped into a murmur behind her and with the nervous shuffling of his feet on the kitchen tile, it only emphasised the silence that lingered between them. The girl before him dipped her head to the floor in defeat. He angled his head a fraction to the side, allowing him to retrace her line of sight across the kitchen floor to where a familiar loaf of bread, that he remembered binning without a second thought, settled in a small scatter of rainwater. 

She stared at it possessively, her eyes dilating to a dark rich brown and began hungrily toying with her lips using her teeth, narrowly avoiding the cut that sat on the cushion of her mouth. Ben swallowed back a gulp and his stomach coiled when his eyes fell back on the marks spread far and wide across her body. The distinguishable bruised hand print wrapped around her wrist answered for how the other marks on her body had appeared, and he found himself repressing a low growl of anger in his throat as a response.

 

Someone had done this to her and he wanted to kill them for it.

 

She continued to eye the bread in desperation. Her collarbone cut sharp peaks and edges across her chest and the jagged corners of her hipbones were now peaking above the belted sleeves of her overalls. They were weighted heavy with rain and that’s when the realisation sunk in.

 

_Fuck._

 

_She wasn’t stealing. She was starving._

 

“No”

 

He answered Poe’s question after what had felt like hours of drinking in the girl before him when only brief seconds had passed. Almost immediately her head jerked back towards him, her eyes locking into his with a glare of anger before settling in confusion at his response causing a small scrunch of her nose. Her innocence radiated like light and the irony wasn’t lost on him that he was caught off guard by it. Before he could stop himself, his hand slowly reached towards her but this caused her eyes to widen and retreat several steps back. Her body stiffened with every step and she had gritted her teeth tightly in disgust causing Ben to instantly reel his hand back to his side, as if the nearing contact burned her skin.

 

_She’s scared of me.. shit._

 

The ache in Ben’s shoulder conveniently reminding him why she had recoiled in the first place. He had tackled her hard in the garden while bearing teeth and snarling in her face, in the belief she was male and deserving of the brute force he had used against her. Thanks to the security light that had done it’s job of dazzling trespassers, it had also in the process dazzled him, meaning the telltale signs of her identify were obscured by residual light that still lingered around the corners of his eyes.

 

_She’s looking at you like you’re a monster. Of course she’s fucking scared of you. You attacked her._

 

 _“_ I’m sorry.. I.. didn’t realise.. I thought you were.. did I hurt you?” Ben asked, stumbling over his words in a breath of panic.

 

His eyes widened each second the question was left hanging in the air between them. She shuffled slightly on the spot and shook her head in response and continued studying the kitchen floor while her jaw grinded together in an effort to hold in an angered scoff . He released a shaky breath of relief that had caught in his throat and ran his fingers through the damp of his hair, freeing the strands that had stuck to his face. The poor girl had suffered enough, he couldn’t bear the thought of adding his own work to her collection of injuries.

He looked to Poe who had remained quiet in the doorway behind her during their entire exchange, not daring to startle the petrified girl in front of him further and Ben found he also shared the same look of guilt on his face. Poe nodded towards the bread that had launched across the floor and then back to the Girl, before returning to Ben, who instantly understood and gave a quick nod in response. 

Ben cleared his throat with a gruff cough and curved his back inwards in an effort to lower himself to her and meet the soft brown of her eyes. He practically eclipsed her in size and he ignored the jarring strain in his neck and back that he had angled for her and waited until she lifted her head and met him. With a slight lift of her head, she met Ben and in a low gentle voice he reclaimed her attention.

 

“Would you like something to eat?”

 

The hazel of her eyes instantly glassed over, looking at him as if he had just offered her the entire world. Her whole body sagged in an instant and her mouth parted, releasing an exhale she must have painfully stored low in her chest from the moment she was dragged into the kitchen. She gave a hesitant nod, clearly doubting herself before taking one last look at the bread and then back to him.

 

She let out a whispered plea.

 

“Please”

 

The one worded answer had caught in her throat and spilled out in a blend of desperation and fear that caused the existing knots in Ben’s stomach to constrict tighter.

Her hands snaked to her stomach, and he noticed the hard squeeze she gave herself in an attempt to silence the grumble of hunger that had answered his offer faster than she could. Before she could notice the betrayal of his lips trembling and the all consuming urge to embrace her in a protective vice, he turned his attention to Poe who began smiling gently at the back of her head in relief. 

Ben found himself greedily wanting to be the one to bathe her in kindness and plate up every meal she had been starved of. Wanting too much too soon, he stepped closer to her, extending his hand again. She retreated several steps from him, but he realised it was nowhere near as harsh as she had before. He was left with an all too familiar pang of rejection and his greed for more had left her standing inches from Poe. 

 

_She’s not frightened of him.. Just you._

 

The thought was a bitter one and with a quick look between Poe and the Girl, he shut it out before it could take root in his mind. Poe’s presence and Ben’s distance relaxed her slightly and he knew anything he offered her, no matter how desperate she was for it, would be refused out of hatred. The spike of pain in his shoulder justifying why she recoiled from him, caused his head to bow in shame and as he passed her to leave, he couldn’t help but notice the tensing of her body in response to his proximity to her.

Before he exited the kitchen, he turned to Poe who had shifted from the doorway with a sympathetic smile. His voice lowered to a whisper as the Girl, still frozen to the spot, had turned her head to listen. 

 

“Stay with her. Let her eat whatever she wants. I’m going to find her some dry clothes and grab her some towels so she can shower ”

 

Poe nodded and patted the side of his arm in agreement and as Ben took one last look at the Girl in his kitchen, the muscles in his throat bobbed with a hard swallow. Now that he stood behind her, his eyes immediately darted to her back. The racerback style of her vest had left the plains of her shoulders exposed and he held back a choke and his eyes began meeting each and every one of the hard cuts engraved in her skin. Without looking away he carried on with his instructions for Poe, his voice beginning to falter with each word.

 

“And don’t let her leave. Wherever she came from..”

 

The words thickened in his throat causing Poe to scan between Ben and the Girl’s back, his mouth setting with the same line of concern as Ben’s. His voice had become a hoarse whisper that exposed the emotion he had hidden well up until now and he attempted to finish his final instruction.

 

“Whoever did that.. Don’t let her go back for more”

 

Ben stormed through the door, leaving them together in the kitchen, he made his way to the stairs and halted just before the first step. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled shakily as his hands balled into tight fists, causing his nails to bite into the skin of his palm and snap his attention back into focus.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben admired his handiwork in front of him. A fresh pile of soft white towels had been folded on a side table outside the bathroom door, with bars and bottles of gentle soaps and scented oils lying on top. He soon discovered finding clothes that would fit her was near enough impossible as he eclipsed her in size, so he settled for one of his black T-shirts.

Knowing it would drown her to her knees in dark fabric, just to be safe he grabbed his dressing gown from his room and left it folded with the clothes. He very rarely wore it, but the thought of her wearing anything of Poe’s gave him an unfamiliar dull ache that sat low in the core of his stomach. He hated the way she flinched from him, but he hated himself even more for being the cause. He knew he deserved to be treated as a monster because he had attacked her like one.

He pulled at the back of his neck, massaging the tense knots of muscle that had formed and took one look at the crude attempt of an apology on the side table and sighed. Overpriced soaps and his dressing gown were not going to repair the damage he had done, but for now it would have to do. He began to make his way downstairs, clutching onto a folded blanket and a first aid kit he had retrieved for her, wondering if Poe had managed to convince her to stay. His question being immediately answered just as he neared the kitchen.

 

_Is she laughing?_

 

A mixture of laughter spilled from the kitchen answering his question, with the familiar chuckle that belonged to Poe mixed with something else. Her laugh was warm and blended with a perfect mix of giggles and sighs. He found himself edging to the doorway and peering in to find the Girl sitting at the kitchen island that dominated the centre of the room. Poe had positioned himself to stand on the opposite side of the island facing her, supervising the glass plated hob heating a pot that Poe must have placed there while he was upstairs.

The cause of their laughter became apparent as Ben, still remaining hidden in the shadowed arch of the doorway, watched Poe balance several spoons on his face before they all fell in quick succession with a piercing clash of metal meeting marble. 

 

 _Holy shit, she is laughing._

 

“Did you see that?! I was so close to beating my personal best! Come on, your turn” Poe chuckled, as he handed her the spoon that had been perched on his nose.

 

With a shy giggle she leaned across the island and retrieved the spoon and began twirling it in her fingers. Her teeth tugged at her lip and her eyes fluttered back up to Poe seeking guidance, who only nodded back encouragingly. She slowly lifted the spoon to her face causing her eyes to cross in concentration and with a childish grin, she lined the spoon up to the part of her nose that had crinkled at Ben in fear. The spoon only sat for a brief second before being pushed off by the raindrops that freckled her nose. Her face fell briefly in disappointment before looking back to Poe which immediately caused the pair to burst into a loud laugh that filled the kitchen once more.

Ben stared at the girl before him, she was completely unrecognisable from the one he had left twenty minutes ago. Her back was slack and her arms that folded against herself, now cushioned her against the marble countertop. Her legs hung suspended, the weight of her boots causing a gradual rock back and forth. All the anger that had stiffened her body had melted away and he mesmerised the sight of her relaxing, knowing that his presence would spoil it. 

He reluctantly parted from the cover of the doorway and entered the kitchen, clutching onto her gifts. Ben’s apprehensive approach to the island caused Poe to look up from his task of plating their food and gave him a kind smile. 

 

“You’re just in time, I cooked us pasta. Would you like some?” Poe offered.

Ben politely shook his head and gestured his hand for them to continue to help themselves to his portion and sat himself on the farthest side of the kitchen island, purposely giving her as much distance from him as possible. He set the first aid kit and blanket in front of him and began nervously toying with the label stitched in to the side, as he had avoided looking at her during the entire walk to his seat and continued to avoid her now.

He reached for the bottle of beer Poe had set out for him and took a long hard swig, grateful for the distraction it brought and abandoned fiddling the blanket label for peeling and flaking the bottle label instead. 

 

_Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her. Don’t fucking look at her._

 

With the perfectly timed clang of a metal pot hitting the floor, thanks to Poe who had clumsily dropped it and began swearing loudly in the process. Ben found his eyes leaving the safety of his bottle and found himself snap to her, causing his breath to pinch tightly in his chest.

Her body language had shifted somewhat since his entrance and he had expected as much. Her back had straightened slightly and her legs had stopped their gradual sway but her hostility had faded and to his surprise he found her staring directly back at him. Her eyes had studied his hands shredding the label and then travelled to the blanket and first aid box, before fearlessly holding his gaze that began to soften as several seconds passed between them. 

 

_This isn’t anger. No.. this is something else._

 

Her attention peeled away from Ben and back to Poe, who had shouted swear words through their entire silent exchange. Placing a large bowl of pasta in front of her, her eyes appeared to double in size and without hesitating she snatched the fork from the side of her placemat and frantically began eating.

To Poe’s delight, she had demolished four bowls of his pasta with the last half of her fifth serving being the cut off point, so she could massage the cramps in her stomach that were clearly protesting against more. The blanket Ben had brought was now wrapped in a tight hug around her, warming the cold wet of her clothes. He had considered approaching her with it but decided it was too high risk and instead pushed the gift to the no man’s land of the kitchen island, where she could make the decision to accept it. 

 

He couldn’t fight the soft smile that tugged at his lips when she did.

 

With their meals finished and the slight swell of the Girl’s stomach peaking between her vest and the makeshift waistband of her overalls, Ben’s focus had moved from her hunger to the clothes that had stuck thinly to her skin, causing her body to occasionally pulse in shivers. With Poe engrossed in stacking their plates in the dishwasher, Ben knew the task of offering her the shower and clothes he had prepared for her, fell to him.

 

_This is going to be interesting._

 

“I’ve prepared the shower for you to use, if you choose to. It’s just up the stairs, last door on the left. I put aside some towels and dry clothes out by the door so you can’t miss it”

 

The deep tones of his voice cut into the silence that had sat comfortably between the three of them. He had stumbled on a few of his words and it came out more formal then he would of liked, which caused her eyes to crinkle in the corners with amusement? He couldn’t be sure. Rising from her seat, she made her way out of the kitchen with the blanket still cloaked around her. She stopped just at the doorway and turned to Ben, who had swivelled in his chair to follow her movements.

 

“Thank you”

 

With the Girl turning back through the doorway, Poe waited for the sound of her feet softly padding up the stairs, indicating she was out of earshot before talking. 

 

“Well, when we said we would have a quiet night in Ben, this isn’t what I had in mind” he chuckled

 

“Did you see the state she was in? Her whole body is covered in those bruises and she was starving. No wonder she was scavenging through our bins. Someone did all that to her and I fucking went and..” 

 

Ben’s voice cracked in frustration and he fisted the countertop hard causing the peaks of his knuckles to colour a harsh red. He had completely ignored Poe’s attempt to lighten the situation and all the anger and guilt he had concealed from her came flooding out. He moved across the kitchen in long strides and looked down at the loaf of bread that was still where she left it.

 

“Poe, what I did to her.. for this” he muttered darkly.

 

He held up the loaf, the scale of his hands almost completely encasing it and he spat the words as if they burned the insides of his mouth. Poe approached him, his face full of concern and rested his hand on his shoulder.

 

“Yeah I saw and it angers me too, but we were both to blame for thinking she was well.. someone else. If you had known she was just a starving girl looking for food in the rain, you would be doing what you’re doing now.. Helping her”

 

“I practically attacked her” Ben sighed.

 

Poe gave a small smile and squeezed his shoulder and pulled away to take the bread from his hand and set it back on the counter.

 

“You did, but with the way she’s been looking at you in the last twenty minutes, I think she’s beginning to forgive you”

 

Ben shuffled his feet against the floor, suppressing a small smile. Poe stood smirking at him and continued loading the dishwasher, and he turned to Ben once more and stifled a laugh.

 

“Oh and Ben?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Go upstairs and dry off, you’re flooding our kitchen” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who left feedback on my first two chapters! I was so scared to start writing again, let alone put my story out for everyone to see, so thank you to everyone who commented or bookmarked! You made it all worth it and made me feel like I can actually do this again! 
> 
> Also fun fact: Writing Chapter 3 in Starbucks got me a parking ticket! 
> 
> So I hope you guys love it enough to make losing the money worth it!


	4. Answers

* * *

  

**Chapter 4**

**Answers**

 

_I kept my answers small and kept them near;_

_Big questions bruised my mind but still I let_

_Small answers be a bullwark to my fear._

 

_The huge abstractions I kept from the light;_

_Small things I handled and caressed and loved._

_I let the stars assume the whole of night._

                                                                  _\- Elizabeth Jennings_

* * *

 

 

 

The damp of his jeans had started to chafe against his legs and the cold had begun biting at his skin. He had ignored the growing discomfort as he had prioritised the Girl’s needs above all else, but even he had to admit it was becoming difficult to avoid as his joints and muscles slowly began to seize. Reaching the upstairs hallway, he noticed the muffled sounds of the shower had disappeared and gave a small smile that she had accepted his offer.

_You’re making progress with her. This is good._

Just as he turned the corner of the hallway, he halted. He found the Girl facing the obnoxiously large mirror on the wall outside the bathroom and noticed how she barely filled it. Her eyes appeared to have doubled their size in childlike amazement and at first Ben thought she was in awe of the mirror’s grandness. The realisation quickly sank in when a rattled sob escaped her before turning into a hiccuped laugh of disbelief.

_Of course it’s not the fucking mirror she’s looking at._

The reflection had stunned her causing Ben’s entrance into the hallway to remain undetected and it provided the opportunity to study her more closely. His attention first fell to her hair which had been restyled back into a neater and glossier stack of buns that were wet from her shower. The oily grime that tinted her had been replaced with bronze and delicate freckles that dusted the bridge of her nose.

The black mass of his dressing gown weighted her and she lowered the top half to the shelf of her shoulders, giving her more access to inspect further. The trembled pressing of her lips released a hummed sob and her fingers began tracing the bruised bracelet on her wrist before travelling up to the angry cut on her lip, causing her to wince at the sting. Her fingers brushed across the angry bruise that surrounded her left eye, causing her to take a sharp intake of breath and despite being a safe distance away, Ben saw the tear that left a wet stain against her cheek.

With a slight twist of her back and her eyes locked on the mirror, she let out a muffled sob that caused Ben’s skin to prickle. The cuts that decorated the back of her shoulder glared from the mirror, leaving her eyes fixed in horror and her hand clamped to her mouth, muzzling the sounds that escaped her and Ben’s heart plummeted at the sudden realisation on open display in front of him.

_Fuck. She’s seeing all of this for the first time._

The Girl raised her hand to the glass of the mirror, gently pressing her fingers against herself and with a harsh exhale of breath she hoisted the folds of his dressing gown back to her shoulders, wiped the trace of tears from her skin and turned to walk down the hallway. She paused as she came to face Ben who stood several feet away. The air felt like it had been pulled away in a vacuum and her raised eyebrows was a clear indication she had caught him hungrily staring at her but thankfully unaware of just how long he had been there.

_Good job Solo, you piss her off and now you’re creeping her out._

He clamped his mouth into a thin line and nervously coughed low in his throat as her eyes began scanning up and down the clothes that tightly clung wet to his body. The heat rushed to the stark white of his cheeks and his desperation to escape to the safety of his room caused him to glare at his door. Despite being twice the size, causing him to tower over her and crane his neck, her gaze was unrelenting and left him paralysed to the spot until the overwhelming need to escape finally overpowered her.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.. I just.. I needed to..excuse me”

 

His words stumbled out in a deep rumble of panic as he passed, taking extra care not to touch her and began closing the distance to the safety of his room in long strides. He had barely made it halfway down the hallway before her voice cut through the silence.

 

“You’re still wet”

 

He halted at the sound of her almost immediately. Reluctantly he shifted to face her again as she took several steps towards him, undoing all the work he had done to avoid her and they met in the mirror she had occupied alone.

 

“Yes I am”

 

“Why?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side.

 

The abrupt question and her sudden flair of confidence had caught him off guard and he found himself gulping loudly in response. Her brow lifted, ordering him to explain and with a nervous pressing of his lips and the bob of his throat, he obeyed.

 

“You were more important” 

 

She drew her head back in surprise as her face softened before quickly recovering herself and with a grit of her teeth and the hardening of her voice, the girl from his kitchen stood before him once more.

 

“Is that why you tackled and pinned me to the ground in your garden? Because I’m so important?” She hissed.

 

The regret of what she had said immediately flooded her face but with Ben’s gaze falling to the floor to disguise his hurt, the damage had been done. Of course she wasn’t going to forgive him, why would she after what he did? No amount of food or warm showers would change how she saw him for what he was, no matter how desperate she was. She didn’t even know the half of it but Ben couldn’t shake the unnerving feeling that she could see it all.

All of him.

 

_A Monster._

 

 _“_ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. You didn’t know-”

 

Ben reluctantly lifted his eyes from the floor, the black of his pupils and the soft ring of dark brown had merged into one, glazed by a thick coating of tears that varnished his eyes. His lips had swollen a fraction causing a slight pout and the tightness of his throat released a deep whisper, cutting her off mid sentence.

 

“Yes you did.” Ben’s voice lowered to a pained hum in his throat “I deserve it.”

 

The Girl’s eyes softened and the tension in her jaw released as she peered through the mass of dark wet hair that obscured his face. The sight of her pity was the final blow and Ben found himself taking hard strides towards the sanctuary of his bedroom and with the opening of his door the softness of her voice down the hallway blocked his escape.

 

“Ben-”

 

He peered into the dark of his room as he stood frozen at the doorway. The biting damp of his clothes caused a painful throbbing across his body and he hungrily looked at the shadowed outline of the drawers that contained his dry clothes. But with the sudden call of his name, the summoning of his room and the warmth of dry clothes was silenced by her own. She had once again closed the distance between them as he still eyed the inside of his room. The ghost of her fingers barely pressing into the curl of his hand freed him from his trance.

 

“Thank you, for not calling the police” She stared up at him tentatively and paused to choose her words “And for giving me food and letting me use your shower”

 

The subtle stroke of her fingers against his palm caused him to release a shivered breath and with a soft crinkle at the corner of her eyes and bridge of her nose she awarded him a broad smile.

 

“Thank you for everything”

 

_Fuck she’s so close. Too close._

 

Ben found himself thirstily drinking in the sight in front of him. The combination of the soft hue of the hallway light and the water from her shower beading against the exposed skin under his shirt and dressing gown, gave her a light glow that barely resembled the harsh glare of the security light and rain. Her bronzed tint contrasted against the stark black she was engulfed in, and he found himself following the delicate spray of freckles across her collarbone.

His eyes had darkened and he rolled his lips in an attempt to subdue a hard swallow. He found her eyes flickering to them, as she began tugging at her bottom lip in nervous anticipation of his response. She was also completely unaware of the uncomfortable strain of friction tightening against the wet denim of his trousers.

_What the fuck is this girl doing to me? Get your shit together._

 

“Poe has your clothes downstairs. He’ll clean up the cuts on your back with the first aid kit in the kitchen and then you can stay the night. You can have my room, I’ll take the sofa”

 

His response had come out cold and formal, causing her eyes to widen in surprise and release his hand. She took a step back, relieving Ben slightly and allowing the tension across the muscle of his back and shoulders to relax.

 

“Ben-”

 

“You’re free to leave in the morning”

 

_You’re doing her a favour. She wouldn’t look at you twice if she knew half the things you did._

Ben immediately turned into his room, leaving her stood alone in front of the mirror staring wide eyed and confused by the abrupt change of mood. With a firm click of the door confirming he was safe, he pressed himself against it and exhaled aggressively before the cold bite of a wet shirt against his back pushed him to finally change his clothes.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_What the fuck just happened?_

 

Rey stared at the door Ben had stormed through, her mouth parted and her brows still knitted tight in confusion. She tenderly touched the dark mahogany that he had slammed in her face and her fingers stretched across the rough grooves of wood as if the contact would alleviate the rejection.

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Besides being a rude ungrateful asshole to him all night?_

She pinched the bridge of her nose tightly in frustration and sighed as she recalled the soft lines of his face hide behind the shield of wet messy hair like a scolded child. She looked towards the mirror once more and scowled at her reflection.

_Why did you have to bring up the garden?_

_I broke into his fucking house. I’m the one who deserved it and he’s the one who should be mad._

She glared at herself in the mirror as if her reflection would answer for her actions, but she was only left with angry cuts shouting off her back. He was right, the cuts on her back, courtesy of Unkar, were worse then she expected and this would be her only opportunity to get them cleaned and dressed. The junkyard wasn’t the most sanitary of places and she wouldn’t dare ask Unkar for a plaster, let alone a first aid kit.

Rey turned from herself in disgust. The mirror hadn’t given her any answers and with one final look towards Ben’s closed door, Rey set off down the hallway. Her bare feet padded down the stairs and through the lounge, before finally reaching the kitchen. Her toes scrunched against the cold bite of tile and she stood swaying awkwardly.

Poe, unaware of her entrance, had begun wiping down the surfaces that were spattered in pasta sauce when he had dropped his pan and cursed heavily for several minutes. He turned to the kitchen island to rinse the dishcloth in the sink and jumped violently at the sudden appearance of Rey.

 

“Fuck, you scared the shit-” Poe laughed as his initial shock was cut short by a questioning smirk and raise of thick eyebrows. “Is that Ben’s dressing gown?”

 

_This is Ben’s?_

 

Rey looked down at the black robes that swamped her body and protectively tugged at the collars and inhaled the comforting smell that she had been admiring the entire time, unaware it had been in fact, Ben. How did she not realise it belonged to him, just by the sheer size and weight against her. Now looking at it again, it was glaringly obvious who it’s owner was.

 

“Well it looks better on you then him anyway” Poe gave her a warm smile causing his eyes to crease delicately at the sides. “Did you need anything?”

 

“Actually I was wondering if you could help clean the-” The words balled tight in her throat, so she settled for gesturing to the first aid kit on the side and then to her back. “I can’t reach”

 

“Of course, take a seat” He gestured to the stool tucked into the island.

 

When Rey had got herself comfortable, he moved to stand facing the marked canvas of her back.

 

“You’re going to have to take off the dressing gown and lift your shirt. If you’re comfortable with that?”

 

Rey nodded gently, and shrugged the heavy robe off her shoulders and down to her seat so it pooled around her hips and covered her exposed underwear. She hoisted the back of Ben’s black T-shirt over her head, baring her back while keeping the front of his shirt pinned to her with the squeeze of her arms, careful not to expose her breasts. 

She angled her head to the side and gave a nod to indicate Poe that he could begin. With the click of the first aid box opening, followed by the tear of an antiseptic wipe being ripped out of it’s sachet, she took in a deep breath to steel herself.

 

“This might sting a little” He warned.

 

Poe began gently dabbing at the cuts of her back which caused her to suck in breath through her teeth and Poe to murmur a burst fire of apologies. Eventually the tingle of the alcohol meeting the open cuts of skin numbed and he became more confident with each press.

Rey had warmed to Poe instantly, which wasn’t hard when Ben was the only competition. But she admired that Poe didn’t ask the uncomfortable questions or push her for answers and if he wanted to, his face never gave away any signs. He hadn’t even asked her for her name, she was still a nobody to him and he respected her despite that. 

 

_Ben didn’t question you either. So why is this different?_

 

“Poe?” Her voice interrupted the comfortable silence between them. “Can I ask you something?”

 

Poe still concentrating on her back, hummed a response for her to continue and Rey turned her neck slightly so he didn’t have to reply to the three buns at the back of her head.

 

“He doesn’t like me very much does he?”

 

“Who? Ben?” His dabbing on her back paused and she nodded in response “He doesn’t like anybody very much, himself even less so”

 

“He likes you”

 

Her response caused Poe to give a faint chuckle, and she could just about see the soft smile that tugged his lips.

 

“I can’t imagine why” Poe replied sarcastically

 

He continued his work on her back before committing to a specific cut that must have been larger then the others and required more attention. The antiseptic from the wipe caused Rey to hiss in discomfort and Poe to murmur a quick apology for not warning her.

 

“Actually I’ve never seen him like this before” Poe mumbled.

 

His admission caused her to turn slightly in her chair, so he could continue his work but also giving her the angle she needed to look at him properly as her face scrunched in confusion.

 

“You’ve never seen him angry?” Her response caused him to scoff and lift his hand away from her back, clearly puzzled at her question.

 

“I mean, I did kind of break in”

 

“You think he’s angry at you?” Poe questioned as his head cocked to one side. 

 

Rey softly nodded as she turned fully in the seat of her chair to face him, her eyes widening with curiosity and Poe lowered the wipe he had been using on her back.

 

“He was angry in the garden until-”

 

Poe still stood facing her as she remained sat like an injured child on the stool. Rey’s confused scrunch of her nose had fallen and she found herself guilty looking to the loaf of bread that had moved from the floor to the furthest corner of the island. Poe had followed her gaze and sighed.

 

“But he wasn’t angry at you” Poe replied almost in a hushed whisper. “He’s angry at this”

 

His hand lifted to her lip and the sting of the antiseptic wipe meeting the cut, snapped her attention back to Poe who smiled softly at her. Several seconds passed as Rey processed what he had meant and before she could resume her questioning, Poe swivelled her around and continued treating the cuts on her back. A final pat on her shoulder blade told her he was satisfied with his work.

 

“You must of been on some adventure to get these, but they look clean and infection free to me. Just the larger ones need dressing” Poe replied in an obviously false attempt at humouring her.

 

_He know’s exactly how you got them. Your body is practically screaming it, you idiot. Just tell him the truth._

 

“I didn’t get these on an adventure” She sighed and her head dipped “I wish I did though”

 

Poe walked round to the stool next to her and sat so they were eye level and with him patiently waiting for her to feel comfortable as she adjusted Ben’s shirt, she found herself explaining the events that had caused her to scavenge through bins in their garden.

Poe’s eyes never left hers, his reactions were minimal as to not distract or upset her further and he nodded occasionally to show he was still engaged. He allowed her to be open and comfortable and Rey had told him it all; The junkyard, Unkar, scavenging scrap for small portions of food and how she had endured all of this for years in the hope her parents would return to where they left her.

 

_It all sounds so stupid when I say it out loud._

 

“So yeah, I really am a nobody” Rey sighed, finishing off her life story with a final flourish of her hand.

 

Poe frowned at her as his chin lifted from the support of his arm on the counter and he rose from his stool with a shake of his head, before walking out of the kitchen. Rey stood from her seat and stared at the empty doorway he had walked through, her mouth parted in shock and the hurt in her eyes began to water.

 

_First Ben and now him?! Nice job Rey, real smooth._

 

She turned to grab the bread off the counter and leave. She hadn’t endured all of this and risked being caught by Unkar to be left empty handed. But before she could even take a step, Poe reentered the kitchen, practically marching up to Rey and extended his hand in front of her.

 

“Hi, I’m Poe. Nice to meet you”

 

Rey looked at his hand and back to his face, the flash of childish amusement across his eyes caused her to smile and she extended her hand to meet his. He shook it firmly and a smile spread across his face.

 

“Rey” she responded shyly.

 

“Yeah I know” Poe replied, fighting back a smile. “It’s written in marker on your overalls”

 

He lifted the freshly washed folded pile of her overalls and vest, with a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. The bright red emblem of ‘Jakku Junkyard’ sat on the front chest pocket with the addition of her name capitalised in faded permanent marker. It had gone unnoticed before as it was usually hidden due to the top half being tightly wrapped around her waist.

 

_He knew this entire time._

 

“Doesn’t look like it says ‘Nobody’ on here” Poe smirked as he pointed to the makeshift label. “You must of read it wrong”

 

Rey scanned the overalls and then looked back to Poe, her mouth open and her eyes wide as he struggled to hold back a laugh causing her to snatch them from him and join in with his chuckling.

 

“Now that’s out the way, I just need to put a few strips on the larger cuts and then you can go get some sleep” Poe informed her as he patted the stool she had been sat on before.

 

_Shit, I can’t stay here, Unkar will know I’m gone and Poe is definitely not going to let me leave after what I told him._

 

Rey obliged and resumed her seat, not daring to start a fight about staying and decided that she would cross that bridge when she came to it. She ravelled her shirt up her back and over her head just enough to the keep the front still in place and Poe continued with his job.

Several minutes had passed and the kitchen and the rest of downstairs had filled with their laughter. Rey had learned Poe was several years older then her and was proud to be the undefeated record holder at his workplace for ‘Most Disciplinary Hearings in a Month’. She noticed how he repeatedly talked about a friend named ‘Finn’, and how it caused his eyes to delicately crinkle at the sides and his lips to twitch into a faint smile. Rey could read between the lines that the mention of Finn caused on his face, and she found herself turning her head away from him to hide her smile.

With the laughter fading into comfortable silence, Poe placed one last plastered strip and turned to return the spares back in the first aid kit, before clocking Ben dominating the space of the kitchen doorway, his eyes fixed on Rey’s back.

 

“Ben, I didn’t see you come in. How long have you been stood there?”

 

Rey’s spine instantly snapped straight as she ruffled her shirt back down to her knees and hopped from the stool to face him. The fold of his arms released as his eyes lowered to his black shirt and slowly trailed down her exposed legs. His dressing gown engulfed the stool she had been sitting on and without it’s protection, Rey protectively hugged her sides to dull the odd sensation that rushed through her body.

 

“Not long” Ben replied in a breath of deep notes, his eyes never leaving Rey’s.

 

_Fuck, why does this feel so intimate?_

 

“Oh okay, well I’m finished here so she can crash on the sofa for tonight”

 

“No” Ben ordered as he shifted his focus to Poe “She’s having my room. I’m taking the sofa”

 

“Wait, what?!” Poe spluttered “You don’t even let me go-”

 

Ben turned his head slightly and tensed his jaw with a raise of his eyebrows daring Poe to question him, something Rey realised didn’t happen often. Poe obliged with a faint smirk silencing his protest as he lifted his hands up in playful defeat. Making his way out of the kitchen, murmuring about finding blankets large enough to cover Ben, he turned back to Rey, wishing her goodnight. Rey gave him a warm smile and a childish wave which left Ben glaring between the two and with a reassuring pat on the hard muscle of Ben’s shoulder, Poe disappeared in to the lounge, leaving Rey and Ben at a stand off in the middle of the kitchen. 

Ben removed himself from the shadow of the doorway and stepped closer to Rey, intensifying the silence between them. The slick hair that had hugged his face due to the rain, was now fluffed and dry from the towel hung around the thick of his neck. His wet clothes were replaced with a black V neck T- shirt and sweatpants and Rey found herself being immediately drawn to the visible stretch of taut muscle across his chest.

She hungrily stepped towards him, causing him to lower his chin in to the crook of his neck and hood his eyes to maintain their contact. Her eyes trailed across the soft shape of his mouth and the hard cut of his cupid’s bow and Rey’s thighs immediately fused together to fight the betrayal of her body.

 

_It would be easier to hate him if he didn’t look like that._

 

Rey closed in, leaving only inches of space between them which caused Ben’s eyes to darken and a tide of muscles in his throat to collide against a nervous gulp of breath. Rey had noticed he did it frequently when she was near him.

The silence between them caused an unbearable hum across her body and with the unrelenting throb of muscles in her thighs adding to her discomfort, Rey found herself giving in to the stand off between them.

 

“Ben-”

 

The soft hum of his name snatched his gaze from the hold on her lips and the dark hungered glaze of his eyes faded to his usual resolved brown.

 

“Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning” Ben interrupted before storming out of the kitchen.

 

The vice around Rey’s legs released and with a large gasp of breath escaping her lungs, she glared at the empty space of doorway he had dominated.

 

_No. You won’t.  
_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! This one took me forever and it almost drove me insane with self doubt and the urge to scrap it entirely almost bested me until all your lovely comments on the last chapter. I still can't believe more then 4 people have read this story! I really thought it would just sit in the dusty old corner of AOU but seeing all of your responses has been amazing and I can't say thank you enough :) 
> 
> Fun Fact 2: This was only meant to be a short 5 chapter story just to ease me back into writing but after reading the comments and seeing just how well it's doing, I just couldn't say goodbye to these characters, so I'm determined to keep this going. So thank you for helping me love writing again, I can't wait to share more with you. x


	5. But Not To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter guys! 
> 
> I'd like to dedicate this one to Uh_no_thanks! Your sweet comments always snap me back from a heavy bout of self doubt and I can't thank you enough, so this one is for you!

* * *

 

**Chapter 5**

**But Not To Me**

 

_I take a jewel from a junk-shop tray_   
_And wish I had a love to buy it for._   
_Nothing I choose will make you turn my way._   
_Nothing I give will make you love me more._

_\- James Fenton_

 

* * *

 

 

Her hand spread across the rich dark wood of Ben’s bedroom door and with a hesitant push to open it; Rey stepped in. She was immediately engulfed into the darkness causing her hands to instinctually paw across the wall until her fingers pinched a switch and gave it a firm flick. A chain reaction of soft light illuminated various points around the room as her mouth fell open and her eyes widened at the size of it.

Ben’s bedroom had swallowed her whole and Rey found herself stood in the heart of it. The walls were washed with various shades of grey and charcoal and the floorboards were made of the same dark wood as the door. His furniture was sleek and modern and Rey couldn’t help but scoff at the reoccurring theme of black.

The room had been starved of colour besides the large intimidating artworks dominating the slate grey walls. All of them were various harsh shades of black and aggressive strokes of red paint that shouted off the wall, causing Rey to shudder at the sight of them. The largest painting dominated the space above the headboard and Rey found her eyes lowering from the offending artwork, to a monstrous bed that commanded the centre of the room. The frame was dark mahogany, dramatic in size and furnished with tempting slate sheets and despite Ben’s large build, even she knew he didn’t need all of that space.

A lifetime of scavenging scrap would never cover the cost of just the bed alone and although the overbearing shades of grey and expensive furniture all battled against each other for dominance; one thing roared above it all. 

 

_All this money, and it feels so empty_

 

Rey had felt cold since entering his room, but it wasn’t until she noticed the lack of personal effects that made her realise the temperature wasn’t the cause. There were no photos, no memories, nothing of Ben’s personal life. Whatever life Ben had lived, there was no trace of it.

She rotated several times, reanalysing every detail of his room in disbelief. A sign of his family, his interests or anything that would help her understand him, there was no answer. His room only matched the coldness that he had towards her earlier, the thought weighted her to sit on the foot of his bed and sigh. 

 

_He’s alone. Like you._

 

Before she could reflect on the thought, Rey jumped at the aggressive vibrations coming from the nightstand by Ben’s bed. A square patch of light had appeared and Rey closed in to investigate before realising it was just Ben’s phone that he had left to charge. Her eyes quickly flitted over the screen.

 

**_‘Armitage Hux -“_ **

**_You didn’t show, Ren. This was your last opportunity and he won’t give you another one._ **

 

Rey’s face scrunched in a combination of confusion and her eyes battling against the harsh white light from the phone screen. She reread the message several times in the hope she would be able to make sense of it but she was only left with more questions and a dull ache behind her eyes.

 

_Ren? Doesn’t he mean Ben? Must be a typo._

 

Her focus from the odd message immediately shifted to the time displayed on the home screen and Rey’s eyes widened in panic, as she launched herself across the room to her overalls. Clumsily she pushed her legs through and hopped slightly in the air to raise them to her waist quicker. She knotted the sleeves tightly to her bloated stomach and began to tug Ben’s shirt upwards. The rising cotton shaved the warmth off her skin and Rey paused, before her hands released the hem of his T-shirt in a swift black curtain against her body.

The bread would only feed her for a week. His shirt could keep her going far longer.

She sighed, burying her face into it’s collar and inhaled deeply. Almost immediately, Ben suffocated her senses, leaving room for nothing else but him. The aggressive rush of sensation caused Rey’s muscles to constrict, until her thighs reluctantly released their clamped press against each other. Still holding onto the collar in a possessive grip, her body sagged as the breath she had drawn in escaped her. With a glance towards her vest folded on the top of his drawer, Rey defiantly turned away and began knotting the back. The oversized shirt tightened around the flat of her stomach and Rey claimed it as hers.

Looking around the room for a final time, committing the sleek black furniture and intimidating artwork to memory, her fingers brushed the cut of red paint on the canvas in farewell. Rey couldn’t deny that she wasn’t saying a final goodbye to something, but someone. 

 

_You’ve been away too long already. You have to get back._

 

The hard step of her boots against the hardwood floor carried across the room and as she approached the door, Rey released a hard exhale of breath to ready herself.

The hallway tunnelled into darkness and Rey quietly padded her way towards the stairs, running the flat of her palm against the side of the wall as guidance. A traitorous creak of a floorboard under her foot snapped her back straight with panic. She remained fixed to the spot for several minutes but with the dulled sound of Poe’s snoring, behind what Rey assumed must be his bedroom door, she slowly resumed her course. 

After several missteps amplified by groans from the floorboards, Rey reached the safety of the stairs. Her face scrunched tightly as she squinted at the staircase and began mapping out each step in the dark. Holding tightly onto the bannister, she descended to the hallway and slowly creeped through towards the lounge. 

Rey halted at the large cream sofa facing her and the weight of her boots scuffed across the floor, causing her to tense at the dark mass sprawled across it. 

 

_Ben._

 

The kitchen emitted a column of light that stretched through to the lounge. Ben dominated the sofa, hidden under a mountain of blankets and awkwardly placed pillows; Rey felt a pang of guilt at how uncomfortable it looked. A thin strip of light had veiled across the side of Ben’s face and softened the hard cut features that relaxed as he slept. The compression of his face against the pillow had pushed his cheek slightly, pressing his lips into a soft pout that caused a light hum between each breath.

Rey couldn’t help but admire him and found it hard to believe this was the same person, who had stood so coldly and resolved in front of her only an hour ago. The curiosity lowered her to her knees, with a reach of her hand and a spread of fingers to comb through the black mess of hair splayed across the pillow. 

Before her fingers could make contact, Ben shifted in his sleep causing Rey to instantly jump to her feet with baited breath. Ben’s soft hums of sleep signalled she was clear and she sagged in relief.  

 

_That was too close, Rey. You idiot._

 

She rushed as quietly as she could through the kitchen and straight to the glass doors that Ben had shoved her through. The front door wasn’t an option with Ben guarding it, so with a final check of the security light switch remaining turned off, she twisted the lock until she heard the faint telltale click and slipped through to the decking.

The rain had subsided and left the air thick with moisture. Rey dragged in as much air as her lungs would allow and released it all in a rush of breath, tipping her head back in relief. After several seconds to regain herself, she began to move across the decking and to the fence she had scaled before coming to an abrupt halt. 

 

_You forgot the bread._

 

The familiar creep of hunger, that now laid dormant, would return. Poe’s pasta was a bittersweet salvation, but that loaf of bread was survival. It would see her through the rest of Unkar’s punishment and neither of them would know it had gone. The thought caused Rey to dip her head.

 

_They won’t notice you either._

 

In one swift movement assisted by the wet decking, Rey turned on her heel and reentered the kitchen. Her eyes snapped to the bread that had been abandoned on the kitchen counter and moved to retrieve it.

Victoriously swinging the loaf of bread by her side, she strode towards the door. Risking a whispered laugh of disbelief that she had managed to secure a weeks worth of food, she tossed the bread into the air in celebration. Rey caught the loaf confidently and as her prize fell back to the cushion of her palms, the familiar low registers of Ben’s voice growled behind her. 

 

“You’re stealing clothes now?”

 

Rey’s body immediately locked mid walk. The deepness of his voice licked at the hairs prickling her neck and her skin barbed with goosebumps. Refusing to face him, Rey stared into the garden weighing up her decision to fight or flee and with a grit of her teeth, she made her choice.

 

“I like the shirt” Rey shrugged, her back still turned in protest.

 

“Yeah, me too”

 

Ben answered her flatly, the arrogance of his reply challenged her to turn and Rey immediately obeyed.

 

“It’s not like you can’t afford-” Rey snarled, turning to confront him and the confidence in her voice collapsed.

 

Ben stood tall before her and Rey’s last stand crumbled at the sight of him. With the heat rising in her cheeks and a flustered dodge of her eyes, Rey suppressed a gulp.Ben had remained at the other side of the kitchen. His chest was bare and broadened with hard muscle that strained against his shoulders and stomach, before ending at the waistband of a pair of black loose fitting bottoms. His hair fell in matted tangles across his eyes, which were weighted with sleep and his lips twitched at the corners. 

 

“Do you have a shirt you could put on or something?” Rey panted as her eyes continued to dance around him.

 

“You’re wearing it”

 

Rey immediately fixed her eyes to his with a hard scowl which caused her nose to crinkle. She took several steps towards him in an attempt to challenge, but it only intensified the hunger in his eyes and the smirk set across his mouth.

The remaining space and silence between them hummed as Ben took a step forwards and lowered his head. His eyes scanned possessively over his shirt tightened around her, before lowering to the band of exposed skin that cut between it’s hem and the waist of her overalls. Rey’s body once again betrayed her as her feet carried her closer until only inches separated them. Her head tilted back to meet him which caused her buns to compress against her back and the material of her shirt to brush the exposed plains of his stomach. The contact caused Ben to shudder slightly and release a hard breath that heated her skin. 

 

“You’re leaving?”

 

“I thought you were sleeping” she replied guilty

 

“I spent most of my childhood pretending I was asleep” Ben stated in a rough whisper.

 

His admission caused her to cock her head, puzzled by what he meant and before she could question it further, he continued.

 

“You can’t leave”he ordered coldly.

 

“Are you going to tackle me again?” Rey snarled as her confidence protectively flared against the dark tones of his voice.

 

“That depends. Is he going to hurt you again?” He whispered coarsely, gesturing to the bruise on her arm. 

 

Rey looked from Ben to her wrist where Unkar’s hand imprinted perfectly in a wash of purple. Her body answered before she could lie, as a painful bob of her throat caused Ben’s jaw to clench in response.

 

“You wouldn’t understand” she replied frostily.

 

“Fucking try me” Ben growled as the rejection vibrated distinctly against the low tones of his voice. “You know nothing about me”

 

“I know everything I need to know about you”

 

Rey pushed herself onto the balls of her feet and heightened herself inches from Ben’s face. He had lowered himself to meet her, causing a distracting strain of muscle to corrugate the peak of his exposed back and shoulders.

 

“You do?” Ben questioned condescendingly as his eyes searched hers. “Ah you do”

 

His arrogance caused a flare of anger to ignite inside her and before she could stop herself, she jabbed her index finger hard into his sternum. The contact caused him to lower his gaze to where she had touched him, leaving her to glare through the black curtain of his hair that fell across her face.

 

“You’re afraid”

 

Rey had responded instantly and found herself pushing herself further. Her eyes widened and with the grit of her teeth she hissed each word.

 

“And you wonder why your..”Rey seethed as the heat of his breath and anger brushing across her lips caused her to hesitate.

 

“Say it” Ben growled, his voice raw and strained as he urged her on. “Go on, say it”

 

Rey gritted her jaw tighter, suffocating her hesitation. The last flare of anger dominated her doubt as Ben pushed closer, provoking her to continue. His lips trembled barely an inch from hers and the unbearable contact and the tightening response low in her body pushed the words from the pit of her throat.

 

“You wonder why your family want nothing to do with you.” She spat the words fast and hard.

 

Rey had no idea about his personal life, but with her anger and the image of his personal touch starved bedroom dominating her mind, she attacked blindly.The telltale flash of hurt across the dark of his eyes revealed how fatal her blow had been as Ben tightened his jaw. Growling out a heated breath, that stung the cut on her lip and with the blowout of his pupils darkening his eyes, he retaliated.

 

“And you would know all about that would you?” He scoffed as the hurt of her truth burned like bile in his throat. “You, a scavenger who comes from nothing. You’re nothing.”

 

Each word was licked by anger and hurt, barely inches from her lips causing the heat of their breath to crash violently against each other. Rey’s temper wilted and the sting of his words began to set across her face. The ridge of her waterline thickened with tears and she jutted her chin up to combat the painful throb it caused in her throat.

Ben’s chest heaved with the adrenalin from their exchange and the feral haze over his eyes thawed. The malice of his words and the sound of her fighting a choked breath had sobered him immediately, causing the strained muscle across his chest to soften and his hand raised to cup her cheek in apology. 

Rey pulled away refusing the contact, causing the fluorescent light from the kitchen to bathe her in soft light that had been consumed by Ben’s shadow. She retreated several steps, pulling herself free from the gravitational pull of his lips. With a hard sniff of her nose, pushing back her upset, she made her way to the door hugging the loaf of bread to her chest as Ben’s hand fell to his side in rejection.   

She made it halfway through the door until he cut through the silence. His voice trembled with hurt and the desperate plea that escaped him paralysed her to the spot. 

 

“Rey”

 

His voice was raw, halting her so aggressively that she rocked against the sudden lock of her legs. The desperate call of her name caused her to turn and her eyes widened at the sudden realisation; she had only told her name to one person.

 

_Shit. He heard everything I said to Poe._

 

The conversation between her and Poe rushed her mind. The stories of growing up in the junkyard, scavenging for food, Unkar’s punishments and her curiosity of Ben; he had heard it all.

Rey’s mouth parted and she pushed the bread harder into her chest, suppressing the fear her revelation had brought. The anger that had consumed him had died and despite dominating the kitchen menacingly, the red sting of his eyes and the trail of a tear cleansed his face with regret. 

 

“Please don’t go”

 

Ben’s bottom lip violently trembled, injured by their exchange and his desperation to repair the damage they had done together. He had appeared menacing before but now he only stood defeated and alone. His eyes were red raw with hurt and rejection, the bloodshot veins branching to the outer rim of dark brown and Rey could only stand in limbo by the doorway, battling the breath trying to punch through her chest.

 

“Stay with me” He pleaded. “I’ll help you”

 

Ben still standing where she had left him, stretched his hand out for her to join him. Rey shakily sucked in the breath that escaped her, disguising a traitorous sob as best as she could and stared at the large span of his hand in offering to her.

A lifetime of labour in the junkyard, a childhood in a rusted playground of metal skeletons, Unkar’s payments in the forms of bruises and expired meals; it could all end with a touch. The desire left the nerves of her fingers twitching in defiance against the signals from her brain, causing the plastic seal of the bread to dangle precariously on the apex of her fingers. Ben had offered her salvation; the very thing she found herself requesting from the black wash of sky that never answered. It had been her saviour for as long as she could remember, perching on an altar of scrapped cars in desperate worship, hoping for liberation in the form of her parents.

 

_I have to get back._

 

“Please” he whispered in a desperate prayer.

 

The sharp sting of a stray tear pooling in the cut of her lip snapped her into focus causing the grip of plastic between the pinch of her fingers to tighten. The contact of a salted tear meeting the open cut left a slight swell of her lip and with a firm press of the two together; Rey answered.

 

“I’m sorry Ben”she choked.

 

The rejection scarred across his face and Rey stepped into the garden, not daring to turn back. She made her way to the fence and scaled it swiftly and as she landed back onto the street she pressed her head back into the fence for relief before beginning her sprint back to the Junkyard.

The sting of his words bit at her heels, fuelling her further and faster until agony split through her sides, leaving her bent over outside the junkyard gate, heaving for air. The bread clenched under the pit of her arm, his T-shirt clung tight in a thin film of sweat and despite the agony ringing through her ribcage, Ben’s words left a devastating blow that rivalled even Unkar and Rey was powerless to fight it. 

 

_He’s right._

 

_“You’re nothing”_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So cards on the table guys - this was where 'Break In' was supposed to end. It was only ever a small writing project just to get the juices flowing again. But now that I've reached what I thought would be the final chapter, I just can't say goodbye and with the amazing responses (which I still don't think I deserve) I'm now turning this into a proper fic! 
> 
> So yay to more chapters but boo to the cost of the updates most likely not being weekly anymore :( I was always several chapters ahead of my updates but now that I'm taking it further then what I had initially planned, I've had to battle severe writing block and bouts of feeling uninspired! So please don't panic that I''ve given up on this fic! I promise I haven't! I'm just trying to find a new path for this story and I'm still baby stepping my way through this and learning to not compare my writing to the insanely talented authors on this site (sadboykylo I'm looking at you) 
> 
> Fun fact 3: I'm currently looking into local creative writing classes now - thanks to you guys and your responses!


	6. Monster

* * *

 

**Chapter 6**

**Monster**

 

_i can not remember a moment of joy,_   
  
_not even from my days as a small, naive boy,_   
  
_all i can remember is pain and neglect,_   
  
_the only things left that my eyes reflect,_   
  
_i glance at my body in disgust and scorn,_   
  
_all that it lacks are the wings and the horns._

_\- Derrick Andrews_

 

 

* * *

 

They were shouting again.

The raised voice of his mother carried across the house, before the deep bellow of his father silenced her. Ben could always pinpoint the exact moment his mother would burst into tears, and as he sat on the floor, legs dangling through the rails of the stairs to listen like he had done countless times before, the sobs of his mother came right on cue. Ben knew the script off by heart and as he sat tugging at the hem of his pyjama top, he knew what they were arguing about. 

 

“He has too much of his grandfather in him” the distinctive deep voice of his father shouted.

 

Ben had heard him say this countless times before and each time he gripped the wooden pillar of the stairs tighter, causing the black bruise to stretch into a faded blue across the flex of his knuckles.

 

“It’s not my father who caused this. It’s his!” the familiar sound of his mother spat in anger. “Maybe if you put the responsibility of being a father above work, he would never of-“

 

The sounds of crying echoed from the kitchen and creeped up the stairs before scratching at his skin with hard goosebumps. She wasn’t supposed to cry after he said that, she usually shouted louder. In his panic Ben pushed his face hard into the gap of the lavish wood to listen more closely.

 

“Han, his teacher said he couldn’t get him off the boy. He wouldn’t stop” 

 

“I heard him” his father sighed.

 

“Our son beat that poor boy black and blue” she sobbed “He’s eight years old Han”

 

“I know Leia, I know”

 

“He was smiling. He enjoyed it” his mother’s word faltered until the muffled sounds of her crying was the telltale sign his father had wrapped her in his usual tight hug to avoid talking further.

 

Ben stared at the bruises across his knuckles that engulfed the top half of his hand; a worthy trophy for defeating the boy in the playground. His parents were right, the teacher had struggled to get him off and his bruises were minimal in comparison but he deserved it. Ben grinded his jaw; the loose tooth at the back of his mouth pulled uncomfortably against the bed of his gum which left a residual metallic tang of blood.

 

 

_“Hey Rich Kid, is it true?!”_

  _“Is what true?” Ben replied, slowing down the momentum of the swing he often frequented alone._

 " _That your parents are getting a divorce because of you” the boy sneered “Cassian says he hears your parents arguing about you all the time next door”_

  _“No. Now leave me alone” Ben grumbled as the metal chain of the swing bit into the tight grip of his hand._

  _“I’m not surprised. You’re a freak. No wonder your parents don’t want you”_

  _“Shut your mouth”_

 " _Make me Rich Kid. You’re a weirdo just like your Mom! No wonder your Dad is never at home”_

  _The boy laughed and Ben launched himself off the swing, his hand already bunched tight into a fist._

 

The sound of his parents moving towards the stairs snapped him from the memory as he jerked his legs back through the wooden rails of the stairs and bolted to the safety of his room. In the rush Ben had kicked his toys across the floor, a plastic crunch indicating he had broken several in the process. He scattered the piles of his drawings off the bed and ducked under the covers, rearranging himself several times into believable positions that he had slept through their entire argument. 

With the creak of his door opening and the column of light stretching across various family photographs and drawings postered across the back of his room, Ben scrunched his eyes tight and hid as best as he could under the thick of his hair. 

 

“He’s not my little boy anymore Han. He’s a monster”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _“_ Please, no more” 

 

The man begged before him as he sagged against the alley wall, his hands raised in a crude shield for his face that had already began to bruise in a familiar pattern. The purple swell of his left eye and the harsh cut of his lip had caused the figure looming over him to hesitate for only a second before recovering himself. The beaten man flinched, turning his back to lessen the blow that never came as the closed fist of his attacker stopped midair. 

The blue of his shirt had marbled with flecks of blood and cuts that freckled the span of his back. The shattered remnants of a broken beer bottle had been the cause and the hesitation had caused the beaten man before him to lift his head above the parapet of his hands and meet the hooded eyes of his attacker. 

His eyes locked onto the marred canvas of his back and as Ben’s fist fell limply to his side, he released a shaky exhale of breath. The man sat against the wall stunned, clutching his ribcage that had taken several kicks only minutes before and Ben’s body racked in shivers as the adrenalin drained from his body. 

 

“I’ll pay Snoke back everything I owe. I promise I’ll-“

 

“Get out of my sight before I change my mind” Ben growled, the menace of his voice weakening on each word.

 

The beaten man instantly obeyed, pulling himself from the floor and without hesitation he sprinted in limps back to the safety of the street. Ben remained alone in the alleyway, staring at his hands as if they had failed him and with a firm punch of bone against brick, he felt his anger stream a harsh red down the peaks of his knuckles. The split of his skin had relieved him only slightly and he continued to drive his fist into the wall, until the hiss of breath fell to a sad hum.

Slumping against the opposite wall, the brick grazed into the flesh of his back and his head fell heavy in to the cradle of his hands. He had never hesitated before, let alone allow someone to walk away without payment and the unwelcome feeling it brought had his fingers knotting into the thick of his hair, tugging hard as if it would relieve the building pressure. 

Slick blood pooled in the web of his fingers, spilling into the bowl of his palm and the uncomfortable tar of hair to skin caused him to prize his face from his hands. He recalled the pathetic sight before him. Cowering against the wall; pleading for relieve was a sight that usually entertained him. Why this occasion had been different, he couldn’t be sure until his eyes had fallen on the beads of blood and glass decorating his back. 

 

Ben could only see one thing.

 

_Rey._

 

The bitter memory pinched the pith of his throat, causing a low growl and his head to tilt against the wall in a bitter attempt to relieve his airways.

Ben had never thought twice about his line of work. People went to the First Order for money, amongst other things, and if they missed payments then Ben would be sent to collect in any means necessary. It was an agreement, an understanding of sorts and they knew the consequences. He shared no pity, he never questioned their desperate circumstances and his lack of empathy allowed him to take anything he wanted. 

 

_Until the Girl._

 

The unwelcome thought drummed skull against wall, leaving painful tremors across the back of his head in an attempt to exile her from his mind. It had been a week since Rey left him stood in the kitchen as he pleaded for her to stay. That night had haunted him and the pain that washed across her face in the aftermath of his words caused him to wince at the memory.

 

 

_“Please”he whispered._

_The brown of his eyes had dilated with hope as Rey’s fingers flinched at her side and the thick of her boot twitched against the tile. He found himself smiling at her until Rey’s eyes shifted from the invitation of his hand with an unforgiving stare._

_“I’m sorry Ben”_

_The impact of her refusal and her sudden bolt through the garden left Ben swaying in the kitchen alone. The weight of her words still processed through his mind, as his body battled the aftershock of her rejection. It wasn’t until she had scaled the fence in one swift movement that he freed himself from the shock and bolted to the front door in pursuit._

_The wet gravel caused Ben to slide sideways across the road giving him a perfect view up to the next street. In the time it had taken for him to reach the door, Rey had disappeared and Ben had stood on the street alone; the haunt of their words scarring the connection between them._

 

 

_“You’re nothing”_

He had regretted the words instantly. The swell of her lips had pulsed barely a breath away and the temptation to suffocate the malice of his words with the softest compress of his lips in apology consumed him. The damage had been done and she looked at him in a way Ben had seen all too many times and the hurt that set behind her eyes was an echo Ben had only seen once before.

 

_“He’s not my little boy anymore Han. He’s a monster”_

 

An irritating buzz from the side pocket of his jacket interrupted the white noise of his thoughts. Digging into the depth of his pocket, the friction of leather and the split of taut skin on his knuckles caused him to release a hiss of pain before Ben answered his summons.  

“What?” he barked into the phone that trembled against the press of his cheek.

 

 _“Now, now Ren. Where are your manners?”_ Sang the sickly sweet arrogant tone Ben knew all too well.

 

“What do you want Hux?” Ben growled each word, betraying the anxiety in his voice that he knew would be exploited at the first opportunity.

 

The line buzzed with static silence and with a heavy breath feeding through the speaker of his phone, he could tell Hux had been smirking on the other end.

 

_“You’ve lost your edge. I assume I’ll have to inform Snoke you failed yet again-”_

 

“No!” Ben spluttered childishly before collecting himself as best he could, disguising the conflict that had blindsided him only minutes ago. “He won’t bother us again”

 

“Excellent” Hux crooned in his familiar pompous fashion _“I’ll inform Snoke immediately”_

 

Ben began to pull the phone away in escape. Hux always left a residual creep of anxiety after each exchange and this time had been no different. He was a formidable character and Ben had heard the rumours of how he rose ranks in quick succession. He had always been careful enough to distance himself but being in Snoke’s favour left him feeling as if he wore a permanent target on his back.

 

 _“Oh and Ren?”_ He purred nauseatingly _“I am not the only one who has noticed”_

 

“Noticed what exactly? Ben blanched, his voice rolling in a wave of pitches that betrayed his anxiety.

 

_“A change in you”_

 

The call clicked silent and with the dramatic flare of Hux’s exit, Ben found his phone crashing against the wall opposite. His screen splintered in glass and the irony wasn’t lost on the subliminal imagery. Pulling himself from the damp bite of concrete that had already began to seep through the denim of his trousers, Ben kneeled to inspect the damage. A large crack dominated the glass, slicing cleanly across the left side of his reflection in a mirrored scar that refused to respond at the command of his touch.

Pocketing another problem for another day, Ben marched from the alley and to the refuge of his car. His grip on the the wheel was tighter then usual, pushing fresh beads of blood over the clot on his knuckles. The car revved aggressively with a hard stamp of the peddle and Ben weaved erratically through traffic; a clear sign that Hux was right. 

 

_Can she really change me that much?_

 

Rey was the very thing he hated. Desperate and naive in his garden, pinned under the prison of his arms; the petty thief he had caught in the rain had been like all the others. But with the combination of her animalistic hunger and the punishment that another had sadistically inflicted upon her, Ben could only see her as she really was.

 

_Innocent._

 

The stories she told of Unkar, the unrelenting punishments he inflicted; Ben found himself struggling to see the difference. It was all he could see. The man that begged before him in the alleyway not even an hour ago, the struggling father of three the day before that. It was as if she was stood before him, nose scrunched and ready for the impact that never came. His fist would fall, his enjoyment would end and the rumours would spread.

The comparison carried him home in silent suffering, through the front door and into the kitchen. He avoided the memorial of space she had occupied and dumped himself into the nearest stool, unsheathing the remnants of his phone onto the kitchen island. It had appeared barren except for the first aid kit that Ben still refused to put away and as he reached it’s contents to stem the blood, Ben noticed the full plate Poe had left out for him. 

Ben heaved at the thought of food. The anxiety of Hux’s phone call and the comedown of his adrenalin left little room for appetite and the offending sight carried him through the glass doors and to the edge of the bin. The plate hovered precariously over the lid until the guilt redirected him to the garden table. 

A crude attempt of an apology, he set the plate down gently for her. He knew it was pointless, but the hope of her return encouraged him anyway. The bread she had taken a week ago would have finished by now and even with the strictest of rations, her hunger would inevitably return. 

The thought of Rey starving was an uncomfortable one. Pushing it from his mind he headed in the direction of his bedroom. By the time he had reached his door, Ben had shed his shirt that had clung to the anxious sweat of his skin. Discarding it carelessly by the foot of his bed, he drifted to the wardrobe and halted at the hard cut of white. Rey’s vest had been memorialised in a row of black. 

 

_You’re still holding on Solo._

 

It had been enough to spoil any opportunity for the sleep that followed after. He had tossed and turned violently for hours until the light that cracked through his curtain, pushed him from his bed and downstairs towards the kitchen. It had remained as he left it; his phone still remaining broken on the counter and the plate still sitting on the garden table. The absence of sleep weighted his eyes heavily, causing him to stare blankly for several seconds before the realisation of the empty plate set in.

 

_Rey._

 

Ben bolted into the garden and stared at the plate in disbelief. The euphoria of her return already naively setting in until Poe’s entrance onto the decking holding used cutlery and a mouth full of food.

 

“God you’re really not a morning pers-“

 

“Did you eat this?” Ben barked “Was it you?”

 

“Yeah? I left it out for you last night, but I thought you didn’t want it and ever since-“

 

The smash of the plate against the wooden decking silenced him. Ben panted angered breaths, his head dipped in a way that his hair veiled across the hurt in his eyes and the clench of his fist burst the thin scabbing of blood across his knuckles. Poe’s hand rested against the side of his shoulder in understanding, calming Ben almost instantly.

 

“I thought it was- “

 

“I know”

 

“I fucked up”

 

“You did”

 

Ben lifted his head at the blunt delivery and despite the serious exchange between them, Poe’s eyes creased warmly at the corners, answering the question that Ben’s pride had refused him.

 

“Jakku Junkyard” Poe breathed “She’s at Jakku Junkyard”

 

* * *

 

 

The sun had been relentless. His skin pulsed uncomfortably under the intense heat and as he stood at the entrance of the junkyard, Ben wondered how anyone could possibly work under the strain of starvation and the unrelenting sun.

A labyrinth of metal and rust stretched before him, as the fear of her response had kept him rooted at the gate. His eyes scanned desperately for her until his impatience and the increasing hunger to see her urged him on. 

Ben meandered through the corridor of corroded cars, metal carcasses and a floor pebbled in shrapnel and broken glass. Ducking and weaving until the metal thinned, Ben’s head instantly shot up from the mosaic of the floor and towards the monstrous shout that tunnelled from the other end.

 

_Rey._

 

Jagged shards of metal tugged on the material of his shirt, slowing him slightly as he broke into full sprint. It was almost as if the junkyard was fighting against him, it’s allegiance solely to Unkar and as her scream reverberated off the metal, Ben pushed through into the clearing.

She was hanging from a thick hand that had gripped around her throat, his fingers already marking the slight of her neck. Suspending her in the air with ease, Rey whimpered under the constriction of her throat until she began to choke out a desperate plea.

 

“Unkar.. Pl-please”

 

She was still childishly clinging onto the empty packaging of bread as if it was still full, while her other hand clawed to her throat in a desperate attempt to the relieve the pressure against her airways. He snarled in response, throwing her hard to the ground, causing Rey to cry out in pain. The spanner encased in the mitt of his hand drew back for a fatal blow and with a heavy drop of his arm Rey accepted her fate with the scrunch of her face.

The metal din of a nearby scrapped car and the spanner crashing into it’s side echoed across the Junkyard. Ben had grounded him with a firm tackle, propelling them across the small patch of the yard that was free of scrap. The impact caused them to roll against each other until Ben had been left straddling the stretch of his chest. He had managed to get several punches in, the last being hard enough to split the greased rubber of his skin and swell the sockets of his eyes. 

His final blow fell short as Unkar blindly threw a fist that made contact and slit the thin stretch of skin above Ben’s eyebrow. The strike that followed filled Ben’s mouth with the metallic tang of blood, driving him to the ground as dust plumed around him.

Unkar’s strength and the rate of his punches intensified as Ben defences weakened with each hard blow. Two heavy belts of the left, followed by a solid stroke of the right; Unkar had been unrelenting. A volley of punches blurred his vision with blood and clouded his senses with each strike until his hands snaked round the thick of his neck. 

Where there had been blinding sun, Unkar had only left black as the roll of his eyes already betrayed the rest of his body shouting against the shock. Ben’s hands fell limply to his sides and as the last few breaths scratched against the thinning walls of his windpipe, the pressure of Unkar’s hands released. 

A harsh burst of sunlight above him burned into his eyes and the urgency for air pushed him on to the support of his elbows. Ben, incredulous at the sprawl of Unkar lying face down on the ground, squinted at the figure cutting against the white spots of light that dazzled his vision. She stood before him with gritted teeth as her grip tightened on the makeshift staff of a car axle that still hovered precariously inches from him. He could only stare deliriously until his vision blurred with weighted eyes and his elbows slacked and dropped his head to the ground. The outline of her still burning into the black of his vision as Ben muttered only one word. 

 

“Rey”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewwww! I thought I would never finish this chapter but here it is! 
> 
> I apologise if it's a little slow or not as exciting. I really wanted to explore Ben's story a little bit more, especially now I've decided to continue this fic! I also apologise to everyone who said they loved how gentle and sweet he is. (I didn't have the heart to tell you guys, he's a little darker then you thought) 
> 
> But thank you so much for being patient with me! It's taken me a little longer to complete as I've taken up a second job on the weekends (I work in a school so that was my only time off) but luckily I'm allowed to take my laptop and type more and more chapters for you guys! 
> 
> If you ever want to chat about fics of endless Star Wars/reylo guff or just come and say hey - Twitter: AmbHill Tumblr: Karhli


	7. Please

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Please**

 

  _Please: a word so short_

_it could get lost in the air_

_as it floats up to God like the feather it is,_

_knocking and knocking, and finally_

_falling back to earth as rain,_

_as pellets of ice, soaking a black branch,_

_collecting in drains, leaching into the ground,_

_and you walk in that weather every day._

_-Emily Akers_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The makeshift staff rolled from the apex of her fingers that had slicked in a murky film of dirt and sweat. Her body flinched at the tinned clash of metal against concrete and the combination of shock and exhaustion submitted her to her knees. Rey heaved thick heat into her lungs, causing a painful throb that forced her hands to catch herself inches from the ground. Sweat slicked tendrils of chestnut escaped from a bun that had collapsed in the chaos as Rey lifted her head. The painful head rush that followed burned her eyes until the outline of Ben lying on the floor overpowered the white wash of her vision.

Her hands carried her in a desperate crawl towards him before stuttering above the forming bruise of his eye. Her fingers made deft work of peeling the blood saturated hair from his face and she winced at the harsh spilt revealed above the arch of his brow. His mouth had slacked in unconsciousness and the tint of blood streaming in the delicate ravines of his lips caused her to hide her head against his chest, muffling the sobs that threatened. 

 

“What were you playing at?!” Rey questioned in to the fray of his shirt.

 

The deafening silence of his response pulled her from the sanctuary of his chest, her fingers instinctually brushing the swelling across his cheek. Rey glanced at the memorialised wrapping of bread she had balled possessively in her hand. She had finished the bread days ago and since then she had continued to cling to it like a child until Unkar had discovered it poking from the opening of her overall pocket.

The cost of salvation had been heavy, it’s discovery and her punishment inflicted upon Ben carried her towards the car axle she reclaimed from the floor and standing above Unkar who still remained unconscious. The blow to the back of the head had left him vulnerable, his face impacted in to the ground and a thin stream of blood marbled with the oil of his skin. 

Rey hesitated at the temptation below her, causing a tremor across her arm that strained with the weight of the axle she had risen above him. With the sad sprawl of her oppressor before her, Rey could only feel pity for the failed father figure at her feet and the car axle rolling off her fingertips. 

 

_I am not him._

 

Her eyes fell to Ben who she had left on the floor several feet away. Unkar and the junkyard was all she had known, a childhood of labour chosen over love and the only opportunity to discover the truth was now lying unconscious on the floor. The thought of him waking caused Rey to blanch and despite the years of punishments, Unkar had deprived her of something even greater then food; the truth of her parents. She had sacrificed her only opportunity to discover more and with her choice being made; the treasured plastic wrapping of bread drifting from the possessive grip of her fingers and in to the stream of wind that carried it across the Junkyard.

 

“Goodbye Unkar”

 

Her shoulders sagged at the liberating sensation of her words until a soft grumble from Ben stirring on the floor alerted her. Running to his side, Rey’s hands instantly brushed his neck in a caress as the other tangled into the thick of his hair to position his head onto her lap. Ben’s eyes fluttered against the slow return of conscience and he could only manage several groans before forming one word.

 

“R-Rey”

 

“I’m here” She breathed, weaving the softness of her words and fingers into his hair “I’m right here”

 

Ben had still yet to open his eyes and with his head rolling in a daze across the span of her lap, his fingers tracing small circles in the thin layer of dust and stone against the ground, Rey released her hand from his hair and into the pit of his pocket. Several minutes of fishing and the strain of her hand awkwardly rotating, rewarded her with his car keys dangling between the pinch of her fingers. In the time it had taken to root through his pockets, Ben’s groans had turned into slurred variations of her name and his eyes squinted up at the harsh backdrop of light behind her.

 

“Rey-“

 

“I need to get you out of here. Can you walk?”

 

Ben nodded hazily and winced at the jarring movement of muscle and Rey’s hands snaking under the crook of his arm and hoisting him to his feet. He could just about carry his weight when stood and even with his aid Rey shrugged the bulk across her, using her shoulder to anchor herself under the pit of his arm as she tugged his hand to wrap around the crook of her neck.

Several groans and missteps carried them past the gate and to the sleek black car parked outside. Rey shuffled Ben across the shelf of her shoulder several times to free her arm to point towards the car and open the passenger door. He growled at the violent manoeuvre to get him in until sinking into the leather of his seat as his head rolled at the sounds of Rey working around him with the seatbelt. 

Seating herself behind the wheel, Rey stared at the console carved into the dashboard with wonder. The grandness of his car was no surprise to her after being inside his house but Rey still turned towards him with awe and found that he was already staring at her through the hood of his eyes. Ben gave a faint smile before his head slumped drunkenly against the window, signalling Rey to start the car and drive in the direction of his street. 

Ben had remained silent as Rey filtered with ease between the breaks in traffic until a hard turn would make him groan against the constrict of his seatbelt. Each mewl and hiss of breath would drive Rey’s foot further into the pedal causing the car to roar in response until eventually emerging on to the familiar street she had found herself on only a week ago. Rey slammed the brake hard and without hesitating she flung open her door and ran to the other side of the car and began working on Ben’s seatbelt. It wasn’t until she had began to pull him from his seat that she realised Poe had watched it all unfold from the doorway and run to help her. 

 

“What the h-”

 

“Help me get him inside” Rey grunted under Ben’s weight “I’ll explain everything after”

 

Poe nodded and ducked under the crook of Ben’s shoulder, relieving Rey slightly. Ben grumbled at the awkward shuffle of getting him through the door and up the stairs and by the time they had reached the foot of his bed, Rey and Poe glistened with sweat. Together, they lowered Ben and once he had settled, the pair stood back panting from the exhaustion.

 

“I’ve got it from here” Poe huffed before smiling at Rey “Go grab yourself a drink and some food, you look like you need it” 

 

Rey could only stand transfixed at Ben and the harsh split above his eyebrow that had flaked with dry blood and despite falling asleep within minutes, Ben still winced in pain as his chest rose with each breath. The immediate rush of guilt that followed caused her to hiccup a sob and before she could swallow it back Poe had pulled her into his arms.

 

“It’s all my fault Poe. Unkar did this because he was trying to protect me” Rey sobbed into the fabric of his shirt. “I don’t even know how he managed to find me”

 

“Actually that was my fault” Poe murmured in to the top of her hair before answering the confusion that pulled her head back to meet him. “I told him where you were”

 

Poe tapped the badge on the fold of her overalls tied around her waist and gave a feigned shrug at the disbelief on her face.

“We can share the blame” he smiled “Come on, let’s get you something to eat”

 

Poe curled his arm around her shoulders and directed her into the hallway and down the stairs. Rey could only sag in to his side as they entered the kitchen with Poe guiding her to the stool at the kitchen island. Perching herself on the seat caused her legs to swing childishly and she nervously tugged at the black thread that had unstitched itself from the hem of Ben’s shirt. Poe paced to the fridge and paused at the shelf of leftovers before him.

 

“I’d offer you a sandwich, but I’m pretty sure you’re sick of bread by now” He chuckled until Rey sniffed behind him, causing him to turn.

 

“Sorry. Bad joke”

 

“No, it’s not that” she whispered.

 

“Unkar?”

 

The tension of thread she had tangled between her fingers snapped, leaving her no choice but to look up from the welcome distraction. Poe had moved from the fridge and back towards the counter, seating himself opposite as the warmth of his face washed with concern at the nod of her head.

 

“He found the plastic from the bread I stole” Rey blanched at the memory as she tugged at the tender throbbing of her neck “He wasn’t happy”

 

Poe grimaced at the red band around her throat and his jaw tightened so aggressively that Rey could hear his teeth grind against each other.

 

“I can’t go back Poe” she mumbled as her head fell with the sad realisation “I don’t know what I’m going to do”

 

“I do. You’re staying here”

 

Rey instantly shot up to meet the resolved steel of his eyes instead of the playful mirth she had been used to, causing her mouth to part in shock. She stuttered her protest and before she could recover herself Poe had already pulled himself from the stool and grabbed the first aid kit that still sat where they had left it.

 

“Well that’s settled” he grinned, bouncing to the kitchen doorway “I’m just going to clean up our fallen hero, so help yourself to whatever you want. Technically it’s yours now too”

 

Rey could only gape at the empty doorway that Poe had skipped from as she scoffed in disbelief. The hand she had twisted with the thread from her shirt, snaked under the hem and onto the exposed plain of her stomach that spasmed with hunger. Hesitantly she walked to the fridge and despite Poe’s instruction to help herself, Rey tugged on the door guiltily before gasping at the contents inside.

 

“Holy sh-“

 

Shelves full of fresh food stacked high and with it all before her, Rey knew how a perfectly decent loaf of bread ended up in the bin she had rummaged through. Poe and Ben would never finish half it’s contents.

 

_I’m going to have to get used to this._

 

Rey weighed up the options shelved in front of her before settling on a slice of cold pizza she pinched through the crack of it’s box and headed back to her stool. Her lips smacked together loudly in appreciation as her legs kicked back and forth causing her to swivel slightly in her seat. A block of black cutting into the white marble of the countertop caught her attention as her jaw stopped in curiosity. Wiping the chilled grease from her fingers against the rough of her overalls, Rey picked up Ben’s phone and inspected the heavy damage across his screen. Her finger tapped against splintered glass and with it’s lack of response, Rey set it back onto the counter and began shifting the back panel until Poe’s entrance into the kitchen caused her to abandon it.

 

“Big guy up there has nothing on you when it comes to cleaning cuts” Poe chuckled

 

Rey could only giggle gently in response as her back tensed at the muscle memory of alcohol meeting open cuts.

 

“Hey, have you eaten?” Poe smiled at the nod of Rey’s head.

 

“Good! Well he’s awake and shit company, so sounds like he’s already back to his normal self to me. You should go up and see him”

 

“Now?”

 

“Yes, now” He smirked.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey’s hand hovered inches from the brass of his door handle. Her feet had carried her in a trance up the stairs and the length of corridor had felt endless. The memory of his cold exterior shunning her from the exact same spot she stood pulled her hand away from the handle and the familiar creeping pain of his words drummed against the mahogany of his door.

 

_“You’re nothing”_

 

Rey flinched at the biting memory and with the familiar flare of anger gripping the door handle and the sweat of her palm pressing into the varnished wood, Rey marched into the centre of his room. The steel of her stare melted away instantly at the sight of Ben before her and the apprehension across his face mirrored hers almost perfectly.

Sitting against the board of his bed, Ben’s lack of shirt revealed the developing bruises across the hard muscle of his chest and despite the swelling of his eye setting in a rich shade of purple, Rey winced at the vicious cut that sat above it. She tugged at a fresh thread unravelling from the hem of her shirt, knotting the guilt several times in a ring around her index finger until it snapped under the increasing tension. 

 

“You’re still wearing it”

 

“What?” Rey gulped.

 

“My shirt” He murmured deeply “You’re still wearing it”

 

Rey stared down at the shirt tightened at the border of her stomach. The stitching across it’s hem had almost come free and it had already faded slightly after a week of scavenging in the sun.

 

“Yeah. Yeah I guess I am”

 

“Stolen goods suit you” He smiled.

 

The delicate crease of purple and blue at the corner of his eye blended together seamlessly and the light giggle that escaped Rey caused him to chuckle awkwardly with her until the pair sighed in the sobering silence.

 

“Rey, what I said to you in the kitchen that night-” he faltered, trying to find the right words. “It was-”

 

“Unforgivable?” Rey interjected coldly causing Ben to pale at the blunt delivery. 

 

Rey watched the guilt attack the soft lines of his face, bolting his jaw tightly as he bowed his head in shame. The remorse displayed for her tugged Rey towards his bed, sitting herself on the side closest to him with only inches separating them.

 

“I almost got you killed today” she choked as the angry cut across his brow and down his eye commanded her attention.

 

“I couldn’t stand by and watch him do that to you. He was going to-“

 

Ben shivered at the dark thought as his fists balled tightly into the bedsheets until Rey’s hand gently spread across his, settling the angered tremor across his knuckles. His eyes searched hers and she could only mouth the tremble of an apology in a barely audible whisper and rose from the bed to leave. Ben grabbed her hand desperately and winced at the sudden movement jarring across his ribcage.

 

“Stay with me for a little bit longer” he pleaded.

 

Rey’s eyes searched his as her body tensed in the conflict of his plea and the overbearing urge to run. His hand still clung to her desperately and despite it being double the size, he held her with the softest touch and noticeably longer then normal causing the pair to awkwardly shift and Ben to reluctantly let go. They had been here before; that night in the kitchen but with the sensation of his touch and the overbearing split across his profile, Rey couldn’t find it in herself to refuse him and sat herself at his bedside once more.

 

“Have you eaten?” Ben murmured in an awkward effort to make small talk.

 

Rey nodded her response, causing Ben to relax slightly until he noticed her staring at the painting above his bed and turned to see what had caught her attention. Rey grimaced at the symbolic imagery before her. The angry stroke of red spitting across black commanded the canvas and her attention. The similarity wasn’t lost on her and as she looked back to compare it with the same offending stroke across his face, Ben understood.

 

“It’s nothing”

 

“Ben -”

 

“It will heal” he interrupted as the deep rumble of his voice silenced her.

 

“It’s going to leave a nasty scar” Rey mumbled guilty, stretching across to fix a steri-strip that had come free above his brow and brushing back the hair from his eyes.

 

Ben instantly leaned into her hand as his pressed across the top of Rey’s, holding her in place. The contact caused her lips to part in a delicate gasp and as her free hand pressed across his other cheek, cupping Ben’s face, Rey pulled him downwards towards her and pressed her lips just above the cut across his eye.

Ben stared incredulous as Rey withdrew from the close proximity and with his face still cradled in between her hands, she watched the subtle shift of his eyes fall to her lips. The temptation pulled him closer to her and with only inches separating them, Rey searched Ben’s eyes for permission. 

 

“Please” he breathed against the parting of her lips.

 

Rey spread her fingers into the mass of his hair as her body pulsed with anticipation. The muscles of his shoulders rolled in a hard tide across his chest as he leaned further towards her. Weaving strands of black through her fingers and tugging firmly, Ben moaned a barely audible sigh and with his lips not even an inch from her’s, Poe’s dramatic entrance into his bedroom caused Rey to recoil and jump from the seat of his bed.

 

“I thought you might want something to eat so I brou- ” Poe announced before stuttering at the sight before him “Shit, sorry am I interrupting something?” 

 

“No” Rey countered unconvincingly and flustered “It was nothing. We were just-”

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey watched Ben dip his head slightly and lean into the back of his bed deflated. Her focus and determination only seconds ago had withered and now she was only left with uncertainty and the guilt of hurting him further.

 

“It was nothing” she stated once more out loud, forgetting it was him she was trying to convince and not herself.

 

Pushing past Poe and through the door, Rey paced down the hallway before halting at the blur of her reflection in the mirror. Her hand stretched towards the glass and as the pad of her finger pressed against the mirror, she could only mumble one word.

 

_Nothing._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloody hell, finally I managed to get it up! I am so sorry for the massive wait for such a short chapter. I also have to apologise for being the George R.R. Martin of fanfic authors. I really do take forever to write and with the school year coming to a close, work really has been mental.
> 
> BUT! - I officially finish work for the summer! (Hooray for being a teaching assistant!) So I'll have 5.5 weeks off to completely commit to writing and lazying about in the sun, meaning more updates for you guys! 
> 
> And as usual, I hope you guys love it. It's been the only thing keeping me sane right now x


	8. Traitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Just a heads up; 
> 
> This chapter is ridiculously long (or at least it feels like it) so get a cup of tea ready, find a comfy space, grab a snack or two and get reading! See you at the end!

* * *

 

**Chapter 8**

**Traitor**

 

  _Tomorrow, Scorn will blight my name,_

_And Hate will trample me,_

_Will load me with a coward’s shame-_

_A traitor’s perjury._

  _False friends will launch their covert sneers;_

_True friends will wish me dead;_

_And I shall cause the bitterest tears_

_That you have ever shed._

                                                                        _-Emily Bront_ ë

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Ben!”

 

The familiar booming summon carried through the house and overpowered the heavy bass of music feeding through his headphones. His lower back fought against a dull ache that had intensified the longer he spent hunching over his desk while his hand cramped around the handle of the screwdriver he twisted in alternating directions. Screws in various sizes littered the stretch of his desk causing Ben to pinch them between his fingers and hold them up towards the light. He had continually ignored his father’s distant calls, continuing to paw at the delicate mounds of screws and tools strewn across his workspace.

 

“Hiding away in here again?”

 

“What else am I supposed to do?” Ben snapped, his eyes scanning each tray of the toolbox.

 

“You’re suspended from school, Ben. What did you think was going to happen?” He sighed, rubbing the anxious knot of muscle forming in the back of his neck “You’re fifteen. You can’t keep getting into fights”

 

Ben’s head lifted causing the black hair that masked his face to part and as he met the eyes of hisfather standing at his doorway; his lip trembled traitorously in surrender.

 

“I was wondering where that got to” His father mumbled guiltily, pointing towards the toolbox Ben had been sifting through.

 

“Are you going to tell me off for that as well?”

 

“No. Actually I came up here to tell you to pack those tools up. We’re gonna’ need them”

 

“Why? Where are we going?”

 

“Junkyard. Come on kid”

 

Curling himself awkwardly into the passenger seat; a mess of arms and legs, Ben dominated the space beside his father. At fifteen he was already surpassing him in size. After several minutes of shifting, the drive was spent in comfortable silence with the occasional disturbance of the toolbox jangling in response to sharp turns and his father’s late braking. Suburban housing blurred into dusty wasteland and the stretch of road ahead warped under the unrelenting sun. The rusted fencing of the junkyard ahead formed into view and with a final sharp turn, Ben wrestled the toolbox that rolled across his lap, almost spilling the contents across the car. 

 

“Dad, what are we do-”

 

“Wait and see” His father smiled before pulling himself from the car and slamming the door behind him.

 

Ben, incredulous at the empty drivers seat, shifted the toolbox under the crook of his arm and followed his father. The unrelenting sun instantly tightened his eyes to a painful squint and his hair began to cling to the thin film of sweat already forming on his face.

Brushing the irritant free from his eyes, he peered at the sign before him. ‘ _Jakku Junkyard’_ shouted from the signpost above the gate in a loud red font that had rusted and weathered against the faded yellow background. The aching crane of his neck levelled him and with Han already passing through the gate and into the midst of rusted islands, Ben broke into a jog to keep up. 

Stripped back cars stacked in walls around them and after several minutes of following the makeshift corridor, Ben emerged into the centre of the junkyard, finding his father already ahead and kneeling before a scrapped motorcycle.

 

“What do you think?” His father questioned, still assessing the rust that flaked across the engine. “I thought it could be a nice little project for us this summer”

 

“You want to fix this up?” Ben stared blankly “With me?”

 

“Well your mother isn’t going to be much help is she?” He chuckled, humouring himself before standing to face Ben.“So what do you say son?”

 

“Dad, I don’t know-” Ben hesitated, rubbing the rough of his neck anxiously “It’s pretty beat up”

 

“Well we best put those tools to use because if we can get it started long enough to make it home, you’ll be the one riding it”

 

Ben could only splutter various sounds of disbelief and shock at the offering, causing Han to release a deep throaty chuckle. Freeing his fingers from the toolbox and placing it beside the motorbike, Han span Ben in direction of spare parts and with a gentle push, he stood back and admired the progress he had made with his son.

 

“We’re gonna’ need a new belt for this thing okay?”

 

Ben nodded at the instruction and repeated it to himself several times in quick succession. Leaving his father in the empty plain, centred at the heart of the junkyard, Ben followed his father’s direction and meandered through the columns of cars stripped to their shells. Spotting various piles ahead, Ben set to work and began carefully sifting through the sun cooked metal.

Several minutes of investigation fell short and with no belt in sight, Ben sat back and huffed the sweat that tickled against the first few hairs forming on his top lip. Leaning back on the support of his arms, he glared towards the disturbed pile of scrap until a sudden movement out of the side of his eye snatched his attention. It had been so sudden and so quick that Ben had questioned if he had seen anything at all, yet it had still been enough to raise him to his feet and carry him towards a singular rusted car that commanded the empty pocket of scrap. 

Peering through the bent frame of it’s window; Ben blanched at the interior inside. The seats had been stripped, leaving only the metal shell in it’s wake and scratched into it’s surface was hundreds of tally marks. Various shapes and sizes in sequence, the first four a gentle mark as the fifth engraved angrier then it’s predecessors. Someone had been living in it and as Ben investigated each scar, his definition of what living was slowly shifted. 

A firm sounding slam from behind alerted him and as he span to confront the culprit, Ben only found the belt he had been searching for, displayed across the floor in offering. Hesitantly he held it between his hands searching the peak of scrap it had rolled from. 

 

“Hey kid, didn’t you hear me call-” His father interrupted, ducking and weaving between the jutting metal “What are you staring at?”

 

“I thought I saw-” Ben faltered, contemplating the car and it’s scarring. “Nothing. It was nothing”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The mirror before him provided no comfort. His fingers brushed against the riverbed of fresh scarring still knitted tightly with steri-strips, while the violent purple bruising around his eye already began transitioning to a sickly yellow tint. Pain seethed through the tensing muscle responding to each movement causing him to hiss at it’s protest. Shifting a fresh shirt over the shelf of his shoulders and down the slope of his torso had been painful, but after several adjustments and angered grunts, Ben assessed the end result. 

A sleepless night had been evident across his face due to the varying rings of fatigue under his eyes while his lips had already began to chap with dehydration. Rey and their exchange the night before had tormented any concept of sleep. The hope of her staying had consumed him and now that morning had come; the painful thought of discovering she had left during the night had caused him to hesitate at the door. 

The temptation of faint music from downstairs carried him through the hallway and down the stairs. His grip against the banister tightened with each step, until he was forced to prize himself from it’s safety and pace into the lounge. Soft strumming of a guitar that he recognised from Poe’s playlist hummed from the kitchen, yet Ben checked the sofa for any sign of Rey spending the night all the same. The absence of blankets and pillows knotted nervously in the pit of his stomach, causing his fists to constrict in anger as he marched to confront Poe in the kitchen. 

 

_He let her fucking leave. How could he be so stupid?!_

 

The aggressiveness of his confrontation had caused a seamless slide into the kitchen and with Rey sitting at the island, hunched over the counter, his argument collapsed in a faltered breath that went unnoticed by her intense concentration. Her back riveted against the tectonic plate of muscle, while she continuously twirled a small screwdriver in the delicate cradle of her fingers. She hummed idly along to the music that caused her legs to swing in rhythm and her head to sway the last remaining bun in her hair from side to side.

 

_Are those my tools?_

 

Ben could only stand transfixed as she seamlessly flicked the back panel of his broken phone free. Setting the screws intricately in the order she had loosened them, she freed the damaged screen from the frame and placed it beside it’s counterparts. Ben had known a life of salvaging and repairs had allowed her to work so effortlessly and yet he still watched in amazement at how confidently she worked.

 

“What are you doing?” He smirked in feigned ignorance.

 

His sudden announcement had been enough to startle the screwdriver free from her hand, causing her to step away from the phone in an attempt to distance herself from it and guilty scuff the worn sole of her boots across the tiled floor.

 

“I- I was just-”

 

“That’s my phone”

 

“It’s broken” she stated coldly, composing herself. “I’m fixing it”

 

“Hardly”

 

“Excuse me?” She scoffed in feisty disbelief as her hands instantly crossed defensively against her chest.

 

Retrieving the screwdriver from the floor, Ben sat himself on the neighbouring stool and analysed her work.

 

“It’s an interesting technique, but I would of-”

 

“You think you can do better?” She interjected as her voice raised several tones higher in a failed attempt to mask her aggravation.

 

“- Ordered a new one” He continued, ignoring her interjection with a smug smile and waving a sleek new phone in the air.

 

Rey, incredulous at the sight of him laughing next to her exhaled a violent release of breath that lowered her back to the seat of her stool. Idly she twirled the delicate screwdriver between her fingers and as Ben craned his head, he could just about make out the smile that threatened the hard press of her lips. Intently, he watched her welcome the distraction of his broken phone as she began separating battery and circuitboards for inspection. Occasionally her eyes would shift anxiously towards him in the fear of being scrutinised, but together the silence between them became comfortable enough for her to pass another screwdriver to him in offering.

Ben took it gratefully and as he leaned over the counter to contribute to her work, the brush of his arm against hers caused a shiver between them both. The screwdriver between her fingers stuttered at the contact, causing the small screw she had been working on to pop from it’s housing and skittle down the kitchen island. 

Ignoring the rattle of metal against marble, Rey turned to face him. The close proximity of his profile caused her to wince at the harsh bruising and from the corner of his eye he could see her anxiously chew at her lip. 

 

“It’s not as bad as it looks” he reassured, turning to meet her.

 

Rey could only stare transfixed at the offending split of taut skin across the arch of his brow bone. The steri-strips had knitted it tight but with the thin crusting of dried blood surrounding it and the complimenting bruise that yellowed his skin, it was as if Rey was recognising the watermark of Unkar’s handiwork shadowing the hard contours of his face. Her throat bobbed in that telltale threat of traitorous tears; refusing to relent with a roll of her lips and an aggressive swallow of breath that convulsed the muscles of her throat.

From the peripheral of his vision, Ben could just about make out the guilty tick of her finger skimming the edge of a hole frayed in the rough canvas of her overalls. Yet his focus still remained on the swell of her lip colouring from the protesting blood rush against the torment of her teeth. He could just about resist the urge to crash his own against hers in reprieve.

 

“Rey-”

 

It was as if the deep gravel of his voice was a catalyst between them as Rey launched from her seat, just barely managing to wrap her arms across the span of his shoulders. Burying her head into the comfort of his neck; Rey stood between the small parting of his legs as her body pressed in urgency against him. It had been so sudden that it had taken Ben several seconds to process the reality of her being this close.

 

_Fuck._

 

Hesitantly his arms wrapped around the slight of her back as his hands alternated in different directions. He dominated the lower half of her back, pushing her closer towards him which she welcomed with a slight squeeze of her arms. Despite the fear of overstepping, Ben’s other hand cradled the back of her head, idly stroking away the tension from the free fall of hair.

They stood like this for several minutes and Ben could only wonder if she felt it too. That pull; the temptation that shouted across the filament of nerves charging in a loud hum. The urge had been there from the beginning; when she stood in a pool of rainfall before him, clutching a loaf of bread like a child would a toy.

 

“I’m so sorry Ben. I never wanted any of this to happen, I just wanted some food” she whispered in to the confessional of his neck.

 

“It doesn’t have to be that way”

 

“Ben-”

 

“Stay” he murmured desperately as his hand shivered against the brail of gooseflesh under her shirt “Stay with me”

 

Reluctantly she released her arms from the hook of his neck and retraced her steps backwards. The guilt that weighted her eyes, caused Ben’s stomach to throb with anxious nausea.

 

“I’ve already been away too long” Rey mumbled, shaking her head as if she was disagreeing with herself “I have to get back”

 

“Rey-”

 

“I thought if I left it a few days; just until Unkar calmed down, I could go back and then maybe-”

 

“Maybe what? He hits you again until-”

 

The shout of his interjection collapsed causing painful vibrations against the chords of his voice that burned like bile. Rey’s body had hardened in response and the fact she hadn’t even noticed she instinctually flinched as if it was second nature had been enough to bring Ben’s temper to boil.

 

“If I leave the Junkyard, they won’t know where I’ve gone” she explained but Ben couldn’t shake the feeling it wasn’t him that she was trying to convince.

 

“Your birth parents?”

 

Rey nodded in clarification and the blind hope and loyalty to parents unworthy of such, caused Ben to violently blink the stinging envy away from his eyes. Her forgiveness for their abandonment had stirred the dormant questioning of his own.

 

_Could they forgive me as easily as she can forgive them?_

 

It had only been several years since he had seen his parents, but for Rey it had been much longer. Unlike him, Rey’s separation had not been her choice. 

 

“You’re still holding on” He countered, stretching the span of his hand on top of the white peaks of her knuckles balled nervously in her lap “Let go”

 

“I-I don’t understand” she stammered, shifting from her seat as if it had become uncomfortable, while her hand retracted and hung like dead weight by her side. 

 

It had been a mantra he had used on himself countless times over. At the beginning, when doubt would take hold and the absence would begin to creep in. It had brought him calm and understanding but Rey only stood before him in fear.

 

“Ben?”

 

Her summoning had called him from the depth of his thought. His vision speckled with the phantom patterns of the marble counter and as Ben stood from his stool, several feet taller then her; his stomached weighted heavy at the realisation she had drifted to the other side of the kitchen. _Towards the door._

 

 _‘_ “They’re not coming back are they?”

 

Her eyes had glassed over and doubled in size and it was as if Ben could see the injury of her admission taking form across her body. Had she even thought this before? Ben couldn’t be sure and he found himself struggling to find the most painless answer for her but each one wounded more then the last.

 

_No, they’re not._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The pastel wash of morning sky had been the first thing she noticed when retreating into the garden. The sweet scent of dew crested grass immediately followed after, comforting the overwhelming rush of anxiety that pushed her from the kitchen.

 

_They’re not coming back._

 

He didn’t know how to answer her and before he could, Rey could see the betrayal of his answer ignite the brown burnish ring of his eyes. She had winced at the panicked call of her name, so she took extra care to steer clear of the same fence she had scaled previously in the hope it would be enough to reassure him.

She was staying. Rey had decided as much when confronted with the temptation of the fence she had scaled countless times before her. The familiar urge laid dormant and she could only take comfort in the sound of Poe reassuring Ben in the kitchen. _Did he hear everything?_

 

_“Just give her some space. She’ll come around”_

 

_“What if she leaves Poe? What if she goes back there?”_

 

_“Then it will be my turn to need the first aid kit”_

 

She would have laughed at that in any other circumstance. It teased the knotted corner of her lip but the words of her revelation intervened before it could take form. She had known the truth, every scratch scarred into the shell of a car called home had been testament of that.Rey wasn’t sure when the hope died and the delusion set in. But now the pressure had released, the recounting of countless punishments she had taken for the idols she had wrongly and undeservingly worshipped caused the beds of her nails to bite into the hard calluses of her palm.

The kitchen had fallen silent in the time of her reflection. The soothing strum of Poe’s playlist had been turned off, meaning they had both moved on throughout the house. Despite it’s grand scale, Rey wasn’t prepared to take the risk of upsetting Ben further so she altered her course towards the workshop secluded at the back of the garden. 

Deliberately leaving the door open so her absence wouldn’t be mistaken as escape, Rey ventured in. Immediately the tang of oil hit her senses and with the lack of light, Rey had to squint to distinguish the chord that powered the overhead lighting. The string pinched between her fingers after several seconds of patting and with a swift tug, Rey’s eyes scrunched at the sudden flash of fluorescent light above her. 

With a motivating rub of her eyes, Rey blinked in the surroundings before her. Tool cabinets lined the back wall, all various makes and sizes. She smiled at the organisation that could only be Ben’s doing; she struggled to imagine Poe knowing his way around a workshop. Garden tools lined the other side of the wall; the usual standard appliances Rey was only accustomed to seeing In scrap form. The junkyard was no place for gardening. 

Rey’s eyes eventually fell on the covered mound before her. She could just about make out the shape underneath the makeshift sheet and with an excited flourish to confirm her suspicions she stood back and admired the motorbike before her. 

 

_Is Ben fixing this up?_

 

If this was a work in progress, it looked as if it had been neglected for some time. Spanners and accompanying bolts lay discarded beside it almost as if he had admitted defeat. Rey couldn’t help but stare between the bike and sheet in bemusement. Despite the rust and it being evident it was formerly scrap, Rey couldn’t help but question why he would cover it up. The workshop provided dry shelter, preventing it from corroding or oxidising while the sheet provided little protection.

But with the temptation to discover what caused him to abandon it and the desperate need for distraction, Rey retrieved a nearby wrench and tasked herself for answers.

It’s exterior had faired better then it’s inner workings; despite some parts Rey would hesitate herself to scavenge, she worked around it. Occasionally she would kickstart the bike into life, but the engine would only choke it’s refusal causing her to kneel and adjust and assemble new combinations, more determined then before. 

Her concentration had carried her through several hours before the thirst and humidity began to dominate the forefront of her mind. Wiping the slick grease off her hands and slinging the offending rag over her shoulder, Rey ambled across the scattering of tools and towards a half empty crate of beers stationed at Ben’s workbench. Flicking the wrench against the cap caused an impressive hiss that was immediately muzzled by the wrap of her lips. The approving sigh and several moans of appreciation at the bitter taste allowed her a few moments of reprieve before she shifted her focus back towards the priority of repairing his bike. 

Her knees jarred in discomfort against the concrete floor and the film of grease coating her hands burned against the small fissures of tired skin. When she thought she had solved one fault, another one would present itself and she welcomed the distraction. This was what she was good at.

 

_This is all I’m good for._

 

The bike itself had faired better then she had expected; she had revived others in far worse condition then this. Whoever had worked on it clearly knew what they were doing and she admired the signature of their work. Yet she couldn’t help question the motive; Ben clearly didn’t have the patience for repairs, money was no obstacle for him. She had remembered as much from the kitchen when he dismissed her in the jest he could just buy a new phone. What was so significant about a motorbike that needed far more attention then a cracked phone screen. 

 

_“You’re holding on. Let go”_

 

The hypocrisy of his words drove her hands in liberation of the worn belt against the wheel. She held it up towards the fluorescent tubing of light and concentrated so intently on assessing the damage that she had missed the scuff of Ben’s boot against the concrete of the doorway.

 

“It belongs to my Dad” He confessed, his voice wavering only slightly at the mention of his father.

 

His sudden appearance juggled the belt from her hands and to the floor. She couldn’t be sure how long he had been at the doorway for, but the sadness that trembled his lips had showed he didn’t visit here often.

 

“You’re fixing it up?” She whispered, closing the distance but still careful enough to leave a no mans land between them.

 

“We were together and we managed to get it working for a short while but-” he faltered at the memory, testing the words silently before settling for his usual vagueness. “You won’t get it started”

 

Rey’s eyebrows raised at the challenge and retrieving the belt and fixing it back to where she had found it, she kickstarted the motorbike. Her eyes scrunched tight in hope and when the engine choked to life she chucked the greased rag at Ben who only caught it in the last second.

 

“You were saying?”

 

“H-How did you-”

 

“You didn’t fix the belt in correctly and several parts of the engine hadn’t been connected properly” she smirked before twirling the wrench between her hands “Also a bike this old normally takes diesel”

 

“I know that”

 

“You put in petrol”

 

Ben could only stand before her in shock; the rag he had teased in the tension of his hands instantly released and hung from the pinch of his fingers as his arms collapsed to his side.

 

“Did _he_ teach you all of this?”

 

Rey could only take it to mean Unkar as he spat the pronoun as if it was bile in his mouth. She couldn’t remember the first time she scavenged. She had just assumed she had always known where the most valuable parts were but now she realised Unkar’s reward of food had driven her to learn. The choice was never really there to begin with.

 

“I taught myself” she mumbled “Maybe in some warped way I thought learning how to do all this would make him take it easy on me”

 

Her focus on the spanner she stroked impishly with her thumb caused Ben to gently pull it from her and set it on the workbench. With the distraction removed, she had nowhere else to look but the deep brown of his eyes that varnished over with pity.

 

“I thought staying there would give me answers” she continued. Despite directing her ramblings to Ben, Rey knew deep down it wasn’t him that she was convincing. “I’ve never felt so alone”

 

“You’re not alone”

 

The whisper of his words barbed her skin with goosebumps causing her body to seize in a painful shiver. Yet again he stood before her and that same small space between them hummed so loudly, her body pulsed at the vibration. His eyes searched hers; soft delicate brown holding her to the spot and despite his attempt at comfort, Rey could see Ben was also familiar with isolation.

 

“Neither are you”

 

The words had barely been a whisper, yet the hunger that darkened his eyes and the hard swallow that hardened his throat had indicated his acknowledgment. Her admission had charged the air around them while her skin shouted for contact, yet Ben stood panting before her processing the words he had so clearly craved.

The gentle cushion of his lips pressed in the familiar barrier to mask the betrayal of them trembling. With the increasing shout across her body and the solar flare of his body heat licking at the brailed bed of her skin, the overwhelming sensation bested her defences. 

 

_Fuck it._

 

Rey’s lips crashed desperately against his causing him to stutter in the shock before hastily recovering and deepening it in return. Elevating herself to the precipice of her tiptoes, caused Rey to wobble slightly until the guard of his arms wrapped around the slight of her back and pushed her flush against him. Moans traded between them and each sigh that escaped her only caused him to release a low growl from the bottom of his throat that hummed against the border of their lips.

His greed for more quickly rivalled her own as the heat of their cadence drove him to wrap her legs around the thick of his torso and rest her against the workbench. Being relieved of the struggle to balance, Rey matched his height perfectly allowing her hands to reach into the thick of his hair and beg him further into her mouth. 

The ferocity of their embrace and her lungs aching from the deprivation caused them to reluctantly pull apart. His hands had clamped hungrily around the arch of her back and the kiss swollen cushion of his lips curled into a warm smile. 

 

“I like your hair like this” he crooned, as his fingers trailed up the riverbed of her back and teased the feathered tendrils of her hair.

 

His delicate touch and the soft tones of his voice pulled her towards him once more but with the interruption of Ben’s phone and the cold glare that dominated the hard lines of his face when he pulled it from his pocket, Rey paused.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

“I’ve got to go” he mumbled deflated, pulling himself reluctantly from the vice of her legs.

 

Sobering from their kiss, Ben marched across the workshop with ease before stopping short at the doorway. Rey had dropped herself from the table and paced closer towards the motorbike. The confusion and rejection of his sudden exit caused him to stutter at the door as a wounded call of his name blended with the buzz of the fluorescent lighting above.

 

“Ben?”

 

“I’ll come back” he reassured, gifting her one last broad smile “I promise”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The jet stream of her shower had been unforgiving against her skin as it pinked under the heat. The pads of her feet raw and protesting against the uncomfortable friction of carpet as she ambled down the stairs and into the lounge. 

It had been several hours since _that_ moment in the garage and even now she still struggled to hide the after effects of her high. Eye contact with Poe became uncomfortable and caused a flush of her cheeks which thankfully the high temperature of her shower disguised. Together they sat in comfortable silence until a hard drum against the front door jarred them from their seats, sharing the same look of confusion between them. 

 

_Ben?_

 

“What the f-” Poe muttered in one quick breath as he arched to unlatch the door and creek it slightly for inspection. “Finn?!”

 

The panicked garble of his name caused Poe to violently swing the door open and rush to support the spluttering shadow at the doorway. As they entered the hallway, Rey blanched at the man before her. The soft hue of light accentuated every hard cut and bruise across his face and she grimaced at the tight clamp of his left eye.

Poe guided him to the sofa and knelt before him, his face continually shifting between anger and concern. Gently holding the side of his arms and angling him to make eye contact, his jaw tensed as he acknowledged each mark across his face. 

 

“What the hell happened to you?”

 

“I- I didn’t pay back in time” He groaned, testing each movement of his jaw “My fault”

 

“Someone did this to you?!”

 

Before she could stop herself, Rey found the question leaving her lips, half expecting to hear ‘Unkar’ garbled in response.

 

“Who?”

 

Finn looked up and squinted at her through his one right eye; realising that she had been stood there the entire time, his mouth parted ready in answer. Before he could find the words, his only open eye bulged with fear as his body locked at the movement behind Rey.

Puzzled by the sudden shift of his body language, Rey turned to see the cause and instantly her eyes met with Ben. He stood confused before her, shifting between the three of them and paling at the realisation. 

 

“Him”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this congratulations and thank you for getting through the whole thing! It still amazes me that you guys are still here after 8 chapters! What a ride this one was to write. I was constantly splitting it into 2 chapters and then deciding that actually after the last short update, you guys deserved something more substantial! 
> 
> However, tomorrow I go on my first holiday abroad (Can you believe at 23 I've never been on a plane before?!) so there won't be any writing until I come back, meaning the next update might be a little while a way. I also have to confess I really have no idea what is going to happen next, which is the first time that's happened and it's actually quite scary! 
> 
> So I promise I will have an update, I just don't know when! But as always; Thank you for reading and see you on the other side x


	9. Unbalanced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snuggle up and get comfy, it's a long one.

* * *

 

**Chapter 9**

**Unbalanced**

 

 

Without this Monarch, I would be unhinged, unbalanced, lifeless.

These are the things I ponder, while I wait patiently your end of slumber.

Call me mad, call me insane. For if she is mine and I hers.

Devotedly I Remain.

                                        -Anonymous

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Ben, is it true?”

 

The three of them stood before him. Poe leading the charge at the front while Rey had risen from her kneeling position beside _him._ The concern on her face for the beaten mess of a man before her, contorted to confusion and hurt. She had borrowed another one of his shirts, her legs bare and exposed under the heavy mass of black. She tugged guilty at the material as if she was itching to shed the repulsion from her body.

 

“IS IT TRUE?”Poe roared, seizing him violently from his panicked thoughts. Finn had flinched in his seat, while Rey could only look at him; her eyes wide, glassed and pleading.

 

“Poe, I can explain-”

 

“Get out” He scoffed in disgust, storming the stretch of lounge in several steps. “You beat him to an inch of his life and you think an explanation is going to fix the damage”

 

Ben was familiar with the narrative; he had seen it play out before him throughout his life. The look of abhorrence, an old friend; the constant shift of fight or flee across their face, a well known pattern. It was no surprise to him that Poe had shoved him hard, as if the added distance settled the nausea in his stomach.

 

“I didn’t know you knew each other! If I had, I would never of-”

 

“Almost killed him?! Look at him Ben. Looks like you enjoyed it to me. I’m familiar with your handiwork” He spat, jutting his chin up in brave defiance of the height difference; an echo of their childhood selves and the playground scrap that started it all.

 

“It wasn’t like that” Ben growled. Poe’s cheap shot response was beginning to test him as his fists clenched instinctually by his sides “It was work”

 

“You were fucking paid to do that?!” Poe retaliated incredulously, practically heaving the words as if they burned the pit of his stomach. “How much did Snoke pay you?”

 

“Enough” Ben responded, with less of the bravado he had done previously. The admission that the monetary gain was never something that enticed him, was not one Poe would accept lightly and the silhouette of Finn reaching to Rey’s hand in comfort, stopped him from eluding further.

 

She had stood several feet behind Poe, her body shielding that _Traitor_ immediately when she had understood Ben’s involvement. Yet the betrayal of her hand that trembled by her side had been enough for him to lean out from the shield of her body. He gave a gentle squeeze in reassurance and Ben immediately sobered at the sting of his healing knuckles tearing against the responding compression of his fists.

 

“How many others?”

 

“Too many”

 

The admission had felt rough in his throat as if the truth, or weakness as Snoke would call it, barbed his vocal chords. It came out gruffer then he liked and with far much more emotion than he was intending but each admission felt like weight shedding from his being.

 

_No more lies._

 

His anger had carried him through most of his life. Always biting at his heels when he so desperately wanted to stay calm. His parents saw it as a hindrance, shipping him off and under the watchful eye of his Uncle. That’s when they lost him, he thought. They had lost hope in their son and he had lost hope in everyone else. The divorce had followed soon after and his Uncle Luke had never treated him fairly since. “ _The failing of a great family”_ he had called it. A blemish on Senator Organa’s highly esteemed reputation. _‘A lost cause’_ had broken a once strong family so he turned to the only person who celebrated something he saw as raw potential and not a bug in the system.

_Snoke._ A political rival to his mother and a mentor to her son; the rest became history, until Rey. She had challenged his ideals without uttering a word, the cuts across her back and the marked handprint cuffed around her wrist had been argument enough.  

 

“What about women?” Poe spat, snapping back his focus and bringing his temper to boil. “Did you do that to her too?”

 

“Poe” Rey finally interjected, her voice almost unrecognisable in the wave of adrenalin and confusion that spiked the anxiety welling in his chest.

 

“After you tackled her in the garden, you probably scared her into lying about it. No wonder she ran away the first-”

 

Ben had restrained the desired trajectory of his fist connecting to his jaw and settled for a hard shove against Poe’s chest as a warning shot. The fire of his accusation had caused Ben to propel him several feet backwards, almost stumbling onto his back until he quickly regained his balance. Once stable, Poe chewed on the rest of his words, causing his jaw to strain and the muscle of his neck to corrugate.

 

“Watch your fucking tone Dameron” He snarled in warning as his anger drummed across the filament of nerves in his body.

 

If Poe’s tactic was to gain a response from him, it most certainly worked. The mention of Rey and the accusation of hurting her, tunnelled his vision as his fingers itched against the callous of his palm. Poe had always been able to target his vulnerabilities, he was calculating and confident; everything Ben was not. He knew his raw emotion and bursts of anger were his downfall; Snoke had said as much, yet he still weaponised it all the same. 

They stood before each other, shoulders squared and despite the obvious height difference, Poe showed no fear for his childhood friend. They had been here many times before. Ben wished it was under the usual petty circumstances; Some childish playground dispute over girls or sports. Yet there was no coming back from this, he had gone past the point of saving. 

The admission of being a lost cause had hesitated him enough to allow Poe to shove him in direction of the door that had still been left open from his entrance. He would have even responded with the same courtesy had it not been the sight of Finn wrapping his arm around Rey that distracted him. 

 

_Get your fucking hands off of her. You’re no better then me._

 

His hesitation had allowed Poe a second push, which Ben noted was much stronger then the first, and caused him to stumble backwards across the threshold of the door and kneel in an attempt to recover his balance. The cold gravel from outside scratched against his knees and the denim of his jeans.

Calm and collected, as if purging him from the house had brought resolve; Poe finally spoke down to the defeated figure on the floor. “We’ll be gone by the end of tomorrow” 

 

“Where are you going to go? Rey doesn’t-”

 

“Don’t you dare fucking bring her into this” He spat as if the slightest mention of her was an accelerant to the conflict. “You are no better then the animal she lived with. You’re worse”

 

The truth was a hard blow. Deep down Ben had seen the similarities. Rey had confronted him that night in the kitchen, without uttering a word. She had stood beaten, shivering and starving; The sight had split his resolve to the bone and the guilt that she had been no different from Snoke’s political targets had haunted him since.

Lifting his head from the shame and the veil of hair disguising the threat of tears, the air in Ben’s chest almost collapsed as if a vacuum had opened within him. Rey stood at the entrance where Poe had been only moments before. He was still kneeling at the altar of the doorway; his eyes large and pleading while she stood tall before him, as if he was in worship. 

The fiery hatred behind her eyes from their first meeting had not returned and despite that small comfort, the longing and softness that had been their earlier in the workshop was gone too. Internally his mind screamed for her, for forgiveness, to explain that he would choose her if she asked him to. His lips silently trembled the first syllable causing the warm hazel of her eyes to steel and before he could denounce the life he had come to resent, Rey had closed the door between them. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Early morning spotlighted through the split wooden panels. Patches of her skin pinked at the contact, as a scrunch of her eyes responded to the column of light that stirred her from sleep. 

Rey couldn’t remember running to the workshop. Shutting the door on Ben had been hard; the conflict within herself to comfort the sad bulk of regret kneeling before her had been overwhelming and the sight of Poe comforting the distressed stranger had been the final nail in the coffin. 

Trembling legs had carried her through the dark and to the workshop door, while spluttered sobs had drifted her into a series of dark dreams. _Unkar with the face of Ben. Endless walls of tally marks. Rows of four crossed with a violent slash of five._

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes and squinting through the first few seconds of consciousness, Rey pulled herself from the bench she had sprawled across. Testing the strain of her neck and shoulders, finally satisfied with the dulling ache, she took in her surroundings until her attention fell on the motorbike in front of her. 

They had stood there together; she was smug and he was in awe. The memory ached the pit of her stomach. So much had happened between then and now.

Her lips tingled at the memory. 

 

“There you are”

 

Rey squinted towards the silhouette cast in the flood of light through the open door. She relaxed somewhat when Poe stepped in.

 

The thick of his brows knitted together in confusion. “Did you sleep here? The whole night?”

 

Rey nodded guiltily.

 

“Well I guess this place is like a five star hotel compared to the Junkyard” He laughed lightly until his face fell at the failed attempt of lightening the dark mood. “Can I sit with you?”

 

Rey nodded once again, shuffling along to allow him some room to sit beside her.

 

“You don’t have to sleep in here you know. He’s gone”

 

Rey swallowed the tension residing in her throat, along with the courage to explain to Poe she didn’t run to the workshop in fear of Ben. He couldn’t be further from the truth. She settled for deflection and hoped breaking her silence would be enough.

 

“How’s your friend?”

 

“Finn? He’s okay, he’s still sleeping” He smiled at the thought and despite the pair of them staring forwards, from the peripheral of her vision, Rey could see the affection crease the corner of his eyes.

 

“He really did that to him didn’t he?”

 

“Yeah” Poe grumbled, the warm smile from before stiffening his jaw at the uncomfortable admission “Yeah he did”

 

“Why? Why would he do that? I don’t understand”

 

“When we were kids, Ben was always getting into fights. He was so angry all the time and everyone was a target. His parents sent him away and soon after that he met Snoke. I thought Ben had moved on from that but obviously I was wrong. He’s been Snoke’s lapdog the whole time and I didn’t know”

The name meant nothing to her but Poe spat the offending sound like he had blood in his mouth. Rey’s quizzical look had been enough to turn his head and settle the flaring temper that darkened his eyes. 

 

“Snoke?"

 

“The politician? You’ve never heard of him?” He explained as his words trailed off with each slight shake of Rey’s head. “I mean he’s as corrupt as they come. Leader of the First Order? You’ve really never heard of him?”

 

“Politics wasn’t really the concern when I was at the junkyard” Rey mumbled into the crook of her neck.

 

“No, of course it wasn’t. I’m sorry Rey” He sighed, kicking at the floor in frustration “Either way, the guy is fucked up and I can’t believe Ben had anything to do with him after-”

 

Poe hesitated, cutting himself off abruptly and causing his jaw to chew the words back in the hope that Rey wouldn’t notice the deflection.

 

“After what? What happened?”

 

Tearing his eyes from the floor and meeting the soft hazel that implored for more, Poe sighed as his lips curled warmly at the corners. Despite the comfort of his smile, Poe’s eyes only held hers with sadness.

 

“You, Rey. You happened. You stumbled into our kitchen and when he saw the state you were in, I thought he was going to kill Unkar there and then”

 

The admission only left her muttering a single “oh” in response. Poe’s memory of that night far differed from her own. Ben had been cold and distant and at one point Rey was sure he was trying to avoid her. _Until you left him in the kitchen._

 

“He cared about you, while he was out there doing the exact same thing as Unkar and getting paid for it” He rambled, each word harder then the last and as Rey watched him, what she once thought was anger, was in fact the hurt eyes of someone coming to terms with loss and betrayal.

 

Poe was grieving for the best friend he thought he had, completely unaware that Rey was grieving for the first person who ever made her feel worthy of the title itself.

Silently they suffered in unison. The pair both unaware of each other’s plight. She considered telling him about their kiss, but swallowed back the confession. She wasn’t ready to explain something she didn’t even understand herself. Life in Unkar’s junkyard was incredibly unforgiving for making friends, let alone relationships. 

Rey’s interaction with the opposite sex had been very limited and centred around profit and sourcing valuable parts. Most of the customers had been middle aged and borderline predatory; Rey learned very quickly to steer clear of them. Yet she found herself remembering the one time, one boy specifically, who had come with his father. He was tall, awkward and miserable and Rey had almost wanted to hit him for shunning a parent clearly trying to make an effort. She settled for climbing to her usual overwatch of stacked cars, out of view, and smirked watching him struggle to find the belt he needed toying between her hands. His privilege irritated her, yet she couldn’t find it in herself to walk away. 

They had taken the motorbike, incredibly similar to the one before her now and Rey could only hum a laugh at the subliminal irony before the swell of her throat throbbed against a swallowed sob. 

She missed Ben, yet barely knew him. She knew she shouldn’t, yet her lips prickled at the thought of his contact and the beat in her chest thundered against the prison of her ribcage. 

She should hate him, she had wanted to desperately. It should have been easy after years of Unkar’s ‘parenting’, yet Unkar had never knelt before her, eyes blown and pleading. Rey had seen evil and the sadistic pleasure that brought. 

 

But the monster kneeling at the doorway only looked miserable, lost and ashamed.

 

Turning her head, Rey wasn’t sure how long Poe had been staring at her for but she assumed it had been long enough due to the way his eyes softened and his lips had set in a grim line. It was impossible to mistake as anything but pity.

 

Stretching from the bench, Poe stood before her “Before I make a start packing, I have something to show you”

 

“What is it?”

 

“You’ll see”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Incredulous, she twirled in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. The pocket of air orbited around her exposed legs. It felt liberating and free and for the first time in her life, Rey felt _pretty._

Poe had taken her hand, despite her protests and lead her to Ben’s room. He apologised profusely with the explantation Finn was still sleeping in his room and that this was the only room left for privacy beside the bathroom. He had offered the alternative, but Rey politely declined. 

It would be a good opportunity to explore further. Maybe she had missed something. Anything to make her hate him. _Hating him would be easier then whatever this is,_ she thought. 

So when Poe had closed the door behind her with a broad smile and rushed words which Rey suspected was to avoid further protest, Rey turned and gasped at the offering spread across the black plain of Ben’s bed. 

 

_“Everything set out for you is yours. Including us, if you’ll have us”_

 

She had taken ‘us’ to mean him and Finn and as she let the words mull over her, she coughed back the emotion at the odd feeling that he had allowed her the choice. She’d never had a family, albeit it was an unconventional one but for the first time in her life, she was allowed the control to decide if she wanted it. Something she wished she was allowed when Unkar found her.

The thought lifted the weight from her body and she had practically floated to the end of the bed. Half laugh, half sob, Rey brushed her hands against the coloured spectrum of clothes Poe had spread across the sea of black bedding. 

 

A simple hand written note folded on top. Clearly belonging to Poe.

 

**_I know what you’re going to say and no you can’t take them back. I threw away the receipt._ **

 

She laughed and tucked the note under her chin. She’d hug Poe after but for now that would have to do.

He always made her laugh. 

She had spent almost an hour trying on each item of clothing, from underwear to jeans, pyjamas to colourful shirts, Rey absorbed every small detail, admired every stitch and pattern.

Her overalls and weathered boots had been left across the room, discarded without a second thought. 

So that was how she now found herself, barefoot and twirling in the ridiculously large mirror in Ben’s room. She had spotted the pale yellow dress almost instantly and her fingers itched to try it on but she willed herself to save it for last.

When she finally reached for it, Rey knew it wasn’t coming off for some time. It cut several inches above the knee, and accentuated every toned line of muscle in her legs. Thin straps and a complimenting neckline, that just began to tease the beginning of her cleavage, caused Rey to giggle at the reflection. A string belt made from the same patterned fabric knotted around her waist, pinching the dress tighter to her frame, while also complimenting the gentle hourglass figure her overalls worked tirelessly to hide.

Unkar had always called her ‘Girl’. He practically barked it at her daily, yet it wasn’t until she stood in front of the mirror, twirling and swaying the hem of her dress that she actually felt like one. 

Her hair fell in loose curls from the constraint of her buns, tickling the exposed shelf of her shoulders while her skin still glowed from her shower the night before. 

Rey stood in the large space of intimidating black and cool greys, radiating like sunshine. 

She strolled idly to the wardrobe, the empty coat hangers jangling in her fingers, contrasting against the soft tune she hummed to herself. She had only wanted to clear the mess she had made; a small gesture out of many to follow in gratitude to Poe. With the opening of the door and her hands stretching to the rail, Rey’s eyes snapped to the row of black, her gentle hum violently cut short and her hands snatched themselves from the suspended hangers. 

 

_He kept my vest._

 

She bounced back on the balls of her feet painfully, cramping the arch and causing her to wobble slightly. The row of black clothing and the thin slice of white shouted from the rail. She had left it here, that night. She remembered shivering from the rain and shuffling out of the aggravation. The delicious temptation to own him bested her and he had caught her leaving with the better offer in the form of his shirt, while he lacked one.

 

He had called it stealing. She scoffed at the memory. _Hypocrite._

 

_“You’re stealing clothes now?”_

_“I like the shirt”_

_“Yeah me too”_

 

Even in her head, the dark tones of his voice burned the nerves as if they were made of candle wick. Without the barrier of her overalls and the freedom of her dress, Rey’s body betrayed her. The press of her thighs heightening the sensation and the sudden dampness between them. The arousal shocked her, the overwhelming guilt stiffened her body and without fighting it, Rey backed away from the temptation of his room. _Away from him._

Distancing herself from the door, and crashing in to the opposite wall of the hallway, it was fair to say her high from Poe’s gift had well and truly worn off. Her chest heaved from the deprivation, while sensitised skin prickled against the raised ridges of dried paint stroked on the wall. It took several minutes for the frustration to simmer at the base of her stomach, and the spitfire of thoughts to be suffocated by resolve. 

Clammy hands propelled her from her prop against the wall and she began to put some distance between her and the temptation of Ben’s bedroom. She had been so focussed to reach the sanctuary of the stairs, she hadn’t noticed the opening of Poe’s door, until she crashed into it’s occupant.

 

“Hey! Watch where you’re going- woah, you look good”

 

“Uhh, thanks?” She shifted awkwardly on the balls of her feet.

 

“It’s Rey right?”

 

Clearly the rest must have done Poe’s friend some good. Despite the slight swelling of his face and the tremors of breath that Rey identified from experience as a cracked rib, he still stretched himself as tall as possible and puffed out his chest. _Unbelievable._

 

Rey nodded her response.

 

“Finn” He chimed, before leaning into her way more familiar then she would of liked, dropping his voice to a whisper “I’m kind of a big deal”

 

_Is he for real?_

 

“Okay Big Deal, well it was nice to meet you and I’m glad you’re feeling better but I need to find Poe so I-”

 

Blocking her pathway towards the stairs, annoyingly Finn continued. “Sorry Peanut, he’s gone out. Sorting some last minute things or something before the big move out”

 

_Peanut? Move out?_

 

“Oh. Why can’t he stay here?”

 

“Uhh, well.. he doesn’t own the house. It belongs to-”

 

“Ben”

 

She winced at the mention of him. Finn had tried to be delicate and she had warmed to him because of it. He was sweet. Full of bullshit, but sweet.

 

“Yeah, so he’s moving to mine”

 

“Oh, right. I see”

 

_I’m going back to the junkyard._

 

“You’re not going back to the junkyard” He echoed, as if she had shouted the anxious thought out loud.

 

“What? How did you-”

 

“Poe told me. I’m a bit wary of new people. You know, being a big deal and all”

 

His confidence had been overwhelming; leaning against the wall, head staring into the distance. Rey had almost wanted to humour him, but she hesitated and as Finn jutted his chin out and continued to pout to no one in particular, Rey realised.

 

_He’s running from something. Someone?_

 

“You’re letting me, someone you don’t know, move in with you? Why?”

 

“Poe would kill me if I sent you back to that junkyard”

 

Rey would of thought him to be serious until the thick set of his lips twitched into a traitorous smile.

 

“But you’re right, we don’t know each other. Let’s fix that” He grinned while simultaneously grabbing her hand and dragging her down towards the stairs, much to Rey’s protest.

 

“I know a perfect place to grab lunch. We’ll need a car though”

 

“I don’t have a car” She smiled to herself, finally accepting his hand and redirecting him from his trajectory to the front door. “But I have something better”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The blunt of his nails scratched at the inside wall of his pocket. A nervous habit he had developed when he was summoned. Anxiety weighted the apple of his throat causing it to bob painfully with apprehension. 

Ben stood tall, dominating the generous space of the elevator. The interior was cold, uninviting and was designed to intimidate. Snoke’s manipulation had been instrumented to begin the minute you walked in the building. Fear was a clear theme throughout.

Seconds passed to minutes and with each passing floor, Ben found himself analysing every detail and masking any indication of doubt or disloyalty. Snoke was no physical match for him, he was frail and old, yet Ben knew he was not one to be bested. He promised power and recognised the potential that his family worked tirelessly to destroy. Mentoring him for most of his life, he had rescued him from the curse of his family’s name by gifting him a new one. The rebirth of Kylo Ren was Snoke’s creation and in his omnipotence, it could also be his to destroy. 

In recent weeks he had come to loathe the name that had freed him from his family. Snoke was omniscient but he didn’t know that he still allowed Poe to call him Ben. A small spark and a ray of light resided within him, burning ever stronger and the thought of Snoke seeing it caused him to pale. 

 

Level 65. He had one more floor to steel himself.

 

_I want to be with Rey._

 

The elevator doors split with a signalling chime.

 

_Fuck._

 

Too late.

 

The mental blockades he routinely built to steer Snoke from doubt crashed in an instant.He faltered slightly, exhaling far too loudly and much more stuttered than usual and as he entered Snoke’s office in hard strides, it’s occupant smiled in a way that caused the bottom of Ben’s stomach to drop.

Ben stood several feet away from his desk, themed for intimidation and overbearing in size. It was humorous to think a man with that much power appeared so small behind it. But he was difficult to look at and not just because of his deliberate attempt to intimidate. The top of his head concaved slightly in a garish scar and his skin, tinted sickly white, notched in several places. Despite the opulent suit complimented with a quilted gold tie, he was uncomfortable to look at, yet Ben matched the ferocity of his gaze.

 

“My faithful apprentice has finally graced me with his presence at last. What do I owe the pleasure” The slight husk of his voice was dry and every word was articulated, deliberate and knowing. Ben’s skin broke out in alarming goosebumps.

 

_He’s toying with you. He doesn’t know. She’s safe._

 

“You summoned me” Ben responded as emotionless as he possibly could, refusing to bite the bait. His fingers still scratched nervously against his palm, hidden behind his back.

 

“How’s your wound?” He interjected, ignoring Ben’s perfect response and gesturing to the fresh scarring above his eye.

 

Snakelike features curled into a sneering smile and the lack of concern was obvious. He was seeking weakness, a fault, anything that could be used against him.

 

Ben refused to give it to him.

 

“It’s nothing"

 

“When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see; raw, untamed power! And beyond that, something truly special: the potential of your bloodline” His voice rose dramatically with a flourish of his hand until his fingers curled into a fist and dropped in execution. “Now, I fear that I was mistaken”

 

The final words spat from his mouth as if they repulsed him and Ben’s nails punctured the bed of his palm.

 

“You have too much of your father’s heart in you”

 

“I have given everything I have to you”

 

Ben’s voice cracked only slightly, but it had been enough for Snoke to detect and manipulate to his will. The mention of his father had ignited the temper he had been battling to subdue. Anger flared and licked at the knots of his knuckles that desired the target behind the desk. But years of his tormentor’s manipulation kept him rooted to the spot. 

 

“And look at you, the deed has split you to the bone. You are unbalanced, running round like a child in a mask” He snarled, each word raising in octaves and the slam of his fist had been enough to silence the doubt within himself.

_It’s time to let old things die._

 

A charge of anger drove him towards the desk and as he neared Snoke, who had risen full height from his chair, Ben’s fists twitched in the anticipating contact. In that moment he was was ready to abandon the life he had sentenced himself too, Snoke had isolated him from everything. Family and friends had been replaced with violence and false promise. He had followed Snoke blindly, not questioning those harmed, most of them by his own hand. Now years of suppressed guilt steered him to the only true enemy.

Yet as Ben neared to denounce his mentor, Snoke stood resolute and what Ben was hoping would be fear, was only a cunning smile that Ben knew all too well. 

A picture slammed on the desk between them. Ben halted so violently, his legs crashed into the side and his face fell when he saw the person centred in the middle of the photograph. 

The gentle dusting of freckles he had mapped in memory and the unmistakable stack of buns shouted from the desk. It was as if the room became a vacuum and all the air was choked from Ben’s lungs. Rey stared back at him, unaware in that moment she was being photographed. She was still clearly in the junkyard at that point, and Ben would have to guess it was taken just before he had found her. 

 

_Snoke knew this whole time._

 

“A cur’s weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool”

 

“How did you-”

 

“I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten, I know your every move and I will not allow you to walk away, abandoning all we have worked for, for this” He gestured towards the photo, to her. His face contorting with disgust “A scavenger, a nobody”

 

Ben continued to stare at the photgraph. It had only been a day since he was kneeling at the door before her and he had been ready to give it all up there and then, for her. _Anything for her_. The thought stung his eyes and caused him to blink aggressively in a crude attempt to barrier the tears.

 

“You have compassion for her”

 

Snoke was gaging the severity of his affliction for her. Measuring the opportunity to manipulate. Ben feared it had been too late as he had been careless enough to alert him of her existence. He had dragged her into something she had no part in. She was innocent and she was his light. Now he had only darkened it.

 

“She means nothing to me”

 

He winced at his words. One in particular.

 

“Fail me again and I will kill her with the cruelest stroke. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Ben could only nod, refusing to meet the eyes of someone relishing in victory. Once again he had won and Ben was left licking his wounds. He would have sacrificed everything for her, and now he was backed into the cage he was desperate to escape, for her.

 

“Good. Now get out of my sight”

 

Every decision from now on would impact Rey, and the thought of her suffering without even knowing why, immediately turned him on his heel and sent him towards the elevator. He gritted his jaw at the smirking figure in the doorway.

Hux had been Snoke’s audience, relishing in the spectacle of the mighty Kylo Ren being defeated with just a photograph. Ben knew he had been the one to take it. He should have known since that phone call in the alleyway, yet the smirk and the glint in his eye had been confession enough. 

Suppressing the urge to choke him on the spot and watch the satisfaction bulge from his eyes, Ben marched in to the elevator and collapsed against the wall once he was safe behind the closing doors.

Snoke’s words echoed in his head through the entire drive home. His hands cramped in their vice of the wheel and his teeth began to ache from the way he grinded them in an attempt to relieve the building pressure. 

Speed became an afterthought as he raced home to make sure Snoke had stayed true to his word. The desire to make sure she was okay, had caused him to weave through shifting traffic and for the first time, Ben found that he didn’t care what the reaction to his return would be, he just hoped there would be one. 

When he finally pulled up on his street with the urgency to get home finally satisfied, he found himself hesitating at the door. 

 

‘ _Fail me again and I will kill her with the cruelest stroke’._

 

Empty threats were not Snoke’s style and because of that, the desire to see her safe, sitting at the kitchen island, pushed Ben through the door. Praying she was unhurt and ready to accept any punishment she threw at him.

The house was shrouded in darkness but Ben ran immediately into the kitchen, without needing guidance or the addition of light. He was driven on adrenalin and the blind panic of finding her how Snoke had envisioned. 

Flickering on the light, Ben halted at the kitchen island. His throat thickened immediately and his hand dropped from the light switch against the wall and to his side. 

 

A key, still linked to a familiar orange and white robot keyring and a note, sat on the countertop.

 

The writing didn’t belong to Poe.

 

_Goodbye Ben._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Snoke's an ass huh? Who would of thought! 
> 
> This chapter came along really nicely, it seems I've bested the writers block and allowed myself to enjoy the process and freedom. This was probably the most fun I've had writing so far and personally this is my favourite chapter! Despite the last update not doing so well, I'm not letting that phase me! I'm proud of my story and how much I've improved since chapter one! Hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did! 
> 
> (I also should totally be asleep right now because I have work in a few hours, but I couldn't sit on this explosive chapter any longer)


	10. Father You Never Had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer just to clear any confusion ahead; 
> 
> This chapter is set at the same time as Ben meeting Snoke from the last chapter. So if you wondered what was happening while Snoke was being a grade A asshole, then here is the answer coming in just over 5000 words. - You're welcome x

* * *

 

**Chapter 10**

**Father You Never Had**

 

 

_all that windswept water_

_she's still her father's daughter_

_lonely walks at ocean's night_

_a photo now the only sight_

_she accompanies me like a ghost_

_house is haunted by her the most_

_\- Todd Witherell_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“You cannot be serious”

 

“Come on, I think there’s enough room for another” Rey huffed, fiddling at the engine and dusting the worn leather seat of the motorbike that still stood abandoned in the workshop.

 

The spur of the moment and the euphoric feeling of belonging had gripped Finn’s hand and dragged him to the doors which he still stood in the frame of, refusing to enter further. Nervously, he fiddled with the leather of Poe’s jacket that he had taken a liking to. It suited him, yet the continual nervous shift of his head caused her to pause.

 

_What is he hiding?_

 

“Wait you’re not actually joking. Your face is doing that thing it does when it’s serious”

 

“That’s because I am serious- wait what do you mean my face does that thing?!”

 

Finn could only laugh at the delayed blow of his insult pulling Rey’s head from the engine of the motorbike and causing her to stare across the saddle. Her face had softened at his deep chuckle and despite the rocky start, still bruised across his face, Rey knew Finn was someone she already felt comfortable around.

 

“Shit, one of the bolts has come loose. Pass me that wrench will you?”

 

Finn shuffled on the balls of his feet, scanning through the various piles of discarded tools beside him. Holding up the first one, far too large and obviously not suitable for an engine of this size.

 

“No”

 

He tried another.

 

“No”

 

A screwdriver.

 

“No”

 

A spanner.

 

“No, the one I’m pointing to”

 

A mechanical pencil.

 

“No”

 

Finn sighed and groaned while Rey growled in playful frustration. Each barked “No!” caused his head to shoot back to the pile and sift more rushed and meticulous then before. Rejected tools launched across the workshop and Rey could only smirk at the spectacle.

 

“This?!” He panted, holding the desired tool which was of course the last one in his pile and the one Rey had clearly been pointing to.

 

“Yes!”

 

“Oh thank god”

 

Rey warmed at the sight of Finn stepping in the workshop, yet he still kept some distance between him and the motorbike. She still classed it as victory all the same when he handed her the wrench and his eyebrows shot violently upwards, as she tinkered confidently with the engine.

 

“So, you learn all this at the junkyard? You know the junkyard you’ve lived in your whole life with your family” He was stumbling on his words, awkwardly trying to fill the silence he found uncomfortable.

 

Finn evidently didn’t know about her situation with Unkar; Poe must have skimmed over the details and Rey reminded herself to not only to hug him for the clothes, but for sparing her the routine pity her life story brought. Unaware, he continued to splutter and stumble more generic conversation and the realisation soon dawned on her that he was trying any distraction technique he could, to avoid getting on the motorbike.

 

“So you got a boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?”

 

His line of questioning suddenly veered from comfortable to dangerous and Rey’s hand slipped, from her meticulous work. The metal of the spanner meeting concrete rang through the uncomfortable silence that followed and her eyes peeped up from the cover of the saddle once more.

 

“What?”

 

“I mean-”

 

“Have you got one?”

 

“What?”

 

_Nice one, you idiot._

 

His back snapped straight and he scratched at the leather collar of his jacket, itching as if he was distancing the previous owner from the proximity of his skin. He was flushed and his hands glistened with a traitorous film of sweat.

The display quickly daunted on her that she couldn’t be more wrong. What she had assumed was a friendship with one sided affection, had in fact been something more entirely. It appeared everyone was aware, except the two friends it concerned. 

 

She ignored the jealousy that stung her stomach.

 

“I’ve never had a boyfriend” She confessed in a whisper, directing it to the engine, which was easier then admitting it directly to Finn.

 

“Yeah me neither” He mumbled and despite the welcoming humour, the hint of sadness behind it caused Rey to stand from the cover of the motorbike and meet his gaze.

 

They shared a small smile, one that spoke a thousand words they were too scared to say aloud. Finn clearly had his secrets and Rey had hers. She just wasn’t ready to admit hers was the reason his face was still marred with bruises.

 

“So, you think you can get this thing started? It’s garbage”

 

He folded his arms in challenge and Rey graciously accepted it. Flicking the underskirt of her dress and swinging her leg across the saddle, she kick started the bike. It choked to life and Rey revved the engine till it hummed consistently. Her lips toyed into a smug smile as Finn’s arms fell to his side.

The imagery was familiar and Rey dismissed it before it could fester into something more. 

 

“The garbage will do”

Accepting the inevitable, he paced towards the back of the seat before halting. “Wait”

 

“What? What’s wrong?”

 

“Rey, you’re in a dress, plus do you even know how to ride this thing?”

 

Adjusting the free fall of her skirt to pin under the cushion of her thighs, Rey cocked her head to the side and playfully echoed his words.

 

“Of course I do. You know, I’m kind of a big deal around here”

 

A deep throaty chuckle escaped him causing Rey to grin in response. He sobered soon after due to the throbbing bruise that watered his eyes when he scrunched them in laughter. Passing her a spare helmet, and wiggling till he felt comfortable, Rey waited patiently till he signalled he was ready.

She couldn’t remember the first time she rode a motorbike in the junkyard. It was the only way to test if it operated safely and the punishment she would be subjected to if someone complained to Unkar for selling a faulty motorbike, wasn’t worth the risk. Yet this felt different, there were no gates, no fences, she was free and for a short while this bike was hers. 

 

_I’ll be gone when he’s back._

 

The thought weighted uncomfortably in her throat until the nervous stuttering of Finn psyching himself up behind her caused her to refocus.

 

“I can do this. I can do this. I can do this”

 

Rey repeated his nervous prayer under her breath. After all it couldn’t hurt and she wasn’t necessarily talking about the motorbike.

One final rev of the throttle and then release. Finn clung tighter to her sides as she guided the bike through the workshop, out the shutter door, until finally reaching the back road. Rey giggled at the gust of wind that tickled her hair against her neck and the exhilarating rush that responded to the increasing speed. 

Narrow bends were no challenge and the opportunity to weave between traffic was never missed. Her jaw ached from the continual smile and her throat dried with each laugh. 

 

“You’re enjoying this way too much!” Finn shouted over the combination of engine and the force of wind pushing against them.

 

“Aren’t you?!”

 

“You try sitting on the back of this thing”

 

They laughed through the rest of their journey. Rey took extra care to not spook Finn further and eventually his grip on her sides relaxed. She had earned his trust and the thought warmed her enough to numb the tingling cold of her exposed legs.

Their laughter soon died down when the engine started coughing in protest, Rey could feel the engine jarring between her legs and the black plume of smoke that billowed from the exhaust extinguished the hope it was just a one off. 

 

“That can’t be good” Finn groaned nervously into her shoulder.

 

“No it can’t be”

 

The main city had transitioned into sparse dunes several miles back and with each choke of the engine, Rey knew the bike wasn’t going to make the return journey in it’s current state.

 

“Hey look!” Finn pointed across her shoulder, directing her focus from stabilising the jarring movement of the bike and towards the sun warped blur of trailers and buildings in the distance. “Over there, looks like they have a diner and I’m pretty sure there’s an auto shop too”

 

“You’ve been here before?”

 

“Uh yeah, you know- just visiting- people you know, being a big d- oh shit”

 

She would of pressed further had it not been for the engine completely cutting out and rolling to a complete halt, causing them both to jump off the saddle and stare at each other for answers.

 

_You’ve got to be kidding me._

 

“Great. So now what?!”

 

“We push”

 

“You cannot be serious?”

 

“Is my face doing that thing?”

 

Finn accepted his fate, dramatically tearing the jacket from his body and throwing it across the saddle. Rey could already see the beads of sweat forming from the compress of his helmet that he ceremoniously removed from his head. With one final groan of protest, Finn gripped the leather hide of the saddle and began pushing, prompting Rey to steer from the handlebars.

The fifteen minutes they spent pushing in the heat was uncomfortable, but Rey had laboured through worse. Finn clearly had not. 

 

“Please tell me we’re almost there”

 

“If I lied and said yes, would you stop moaning and push a little faster?” She turned round to soften the playful insult with a wide grin.

 

“You’re killing me peanut” He groaned into the crook of his arm that scraped across the sweat of his brow. “I’m sorry about your bike though, you can fix it right?”

 

“It’s not my bike but yeah I think so”

 

“What do you mean it’s not your bike? Please tell me you have permission and we haven’t just stolen it”

 

“Well no, it’s Ben’s bike but-”

 

“Oh in that case, you don’t even have to explain yourself”

 

The alternating pitch of his voice at the mention of him caused her to pause and Finn to trip against the back wheel.

 

“Why did he do that?” Rey mumbled more to herself then him, mulling the question over and over in the hope the answer would present itself. She turned to Finn who stood rubbing the impact on his shin. “Why would he do that to you Finn? I don’t understand”

 

The threat of tears surprised her due to the obvious dehydration chapping her lips and drying the inside of her mouth. Finn held her gaze; bruised eyes against pleading hazel, that searched for any semblance of understanding.

 

Toying at the tense muscle located against the back of his neck, he exhaled hard and steeled himself. “Rey, there’s something I have to tell y-”

 

“HEY!”

 

The deep bellow from behind, halted Finn from elaborating further. They were only feet away from the entrance that displayed a rather loud sign bearing ‘Takodana Springs’ in faded lettering and underneath, a stranger marching rather aggressively towards them. From a distance, it was obvious he was much older and as each detail of his face came into view, she still squinted at the indistinguishable block in his hand that he waved towards them.

Finn had spotted it first, grabbing her hand, he dragged her across the entrance and darted towards the auto shop. They skidded in a plume of dust, darting between trailers and RV’s, cutting across the open stretch of land until Rey pried her hand from Finn’s and skidded to a stand still. 

 

“Finn, the bike! We have to go back”

 

“Go back?! Are you mad? Did you not see the crazy old man wielding a gun!?”

 

They panted and gulped for breath, using the precious few seconds to recover until the provoked local rounded the corner and shouted again at them once more. Finn swore loudly, snatching Rey’s hand once more and twisting her in the opposite direction.

 

“Stop taking my hand!”

 

“The auto shop! We can find cover in there!”

 

Ignoring her protest, Finn tugged Rey towards the building he had pointed at. Unable to pry her fingers from his vice, she quickened her pace to pass him until the roles had reversed and Finn was now straggling behind. This suited her much better and as they veered into the cool shade of the autoshop, Rey felt the victory of their evade already settling in.

The pair were completely unprepared for a hard slam from the right, halting her canter immediately and launching her and Finn halfway across the shop floor. The blow had snatched all the air from her lungs as her vision blurred, before setting on Finn who was slowly rising to his feet towards her. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Despite the disorientation, the question touched her. It wasn’t one she had been asked before and just as she groaned the beginning of her answer, the approaching voice stopped her.

 

“Did you get them Chewie?”

 

The tall cut of silhouette in the entryway looked behind them, causing Rey and Finn to simultaneously turn their heads. The heavy tackle they had both been subjected to became apparent from the broadly built stranger behind them. More hair then man and the indecipherable grunting did him no favours.

 

“Yes I do!” He snapped back in reply, squaring his shoulders and pointing the beer bottle, he still clung to, in emphasis “Every time”

 

_So much for ‘crazy old man weilding a gun’._

 

“You understand that thing?” Finn panted, brushing the dust from the black denim of his jeans.

 

“And that ‘Thing’ can understand you, so watch it” He barked back, causing Finn to snap his back straight and Rey to silently plead with him to shut his mouth.

 

The larger man behind them shunted past Finn, knocking him off balance slightly and despite towering over his friend, he nodded warmly to him.

 

“I got this Chewie” He reassured between the several grunts of responding disapproval “Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine”

 

More mumblings followed at a faster pace with some decipherable words in between “Yeah I brought it around the back. The darn thing has been tampered with, some idiot added a kill switch”

 

“Unkar Plutt” Rey squeaked, causing the pair to break their discussion and stare at her.

 

“What?”

 

She coughed the nervous lump from her throat and forced confidence through the concave of her windpipe still struggling for breath “You bought it from Unkar Plutt right?”

 

Rey could feel Finn’s eyes bore into the side of her skull begging for her to stop talking.

 

“Yeah I bought it from that animal, what about it?”

 

“He installs switches so people bring them back and pay for it to be repaired. I recognise those switches anywhere. I told him I thought it was a mistake because it puts too much stress on the pist—”

 

“-Pistons” He finished for her, the thick grey of his eyebrows raising higher and higher with each word and Rey could be sure there was a hint of a smile teasing the corner of his lips.

 

Chewie leant towards the stranger’s ear and grumbled in a low whisper.

 

“I’ll think about it. Go check out the Falcon and see what the damage is” He responded out loud, ignoring the need for whisper, which caused Chewie to affectionately pat his shoulder and head out the door. “So you wanna’ tell me how you came across my bike? I bought it off Unkar Plutt over ten years ago, so where did you two thieves find it?”

 

“It belongs to a friend” Finn spluttered, before taking a cautious step back.

 

“It belongs to me” He snapped, toying the beer bottle between his fingers “You tell your friend that Han Solo got back the Falcon”

 

Rey sagged at his triumphant words. Ben was now a thief amongst other things. She struggled to shake the thought that maybe she didn’t know him as well as she had thought she did.

 

_Did he beat him up as well?_

 

Han’s eyes squinted with suspicion between them “So if you two didn’t steal my bike, why were you running?”

 

“We thought you were some old guy waving a gun” Finn spluttered, his arms gesturing to the brown beer bottle he occasionally tipped to his lips.

 

“It was my beer and less of the old”

 

He took a hard swig.

 

“It’s ten in the morning”

 

Han’s raise of his eyebrow dared him to continue, causing Finn to squeak slightly. Rey could only silently glare at him to stop talking. He squirmed more when he felt her eyes boring into him.

 

“Here” Han mumbled, tossing a thick mass in Finn’s direction “You left your jacket when you were too busy running from that old gun wielding maniac out there”

 

Finn caught it in surprise and checked it over for good measure, mumbling a barely audible thank you. Han relaxed and after finally deeming them harmless, he turned his back and sifted through various tool drawers.

 

“So you two got names or what?” He shouted over his shoulder.

 

Free from the trap of his gaze, Rey paced towards a car sitting on raised slats above her. She pinched at the metal underbelly while Finn still remained where she had left him.

 

“Finn and she’s Rey”

 

“You hungry Finn and Rey?”

 

The answer shot from her mouth before she could even stop it. It was a natural reflex. Rey had learned when food was offered; you take it.

 

“Yes”

__

 

* * *

 

 

Dust billowed from the wide steps of Han marching across the empty dune. Rey and Finn straggled cautiously behind, still wary against the offering of food. After all, he had just apprehended them with his stolen bike. 

Finally being able to take in all the details she had missed in the panic to escape, Rey stole one last glance at the auto shop. _Solo and Son’s_ peeled from the paint and despite the weathered appearance, it still possessed rugged charm. Much like Han, she had thought. 

Despite the rough start, Rey was finding herself warming to him and she found herself wondering if there was a son around or if he just named the shop that for aesthetic purposes. She gave Chewie a small wave, despite the distance, she could just about make out the motorbike beside him. She smiled slightly when he returned it. 

Han halted them at the door of the diner. Rey craned her head to the neon sign’s flickering filament bulb that strained her eyes and _‘Maz’s’_ continued to linger in her eyes after looking away.

 

“Maz is a bit of an acquired taste, so whatever you do, don’t stare”

 

“At what?” Her and Finn replied in sync, sharing cautious looks between them.

 

He shrugged, pushing into the door and propping it open for them to enter first “All of it”

 

The eruption of sound hit them first, followed by the overbearing smell of fried food, coffee and the thick scent of beer that Rey could feel sticking her feet to the floor. She assumed ‘Maz’s’ was the residents local watering hole due to the heavy congregation around the bar.

She turned to Han who displayed a slight grimace and pocketed his hands into the peeling leather of his jacket, yet he smiled slightly when he noticed the worried look in her eyes. He rolled his own at Finn, who accidentally shouldered into another local and spilled their drink in the process. 

It was organised chaos and between the loud jeering from the locals and the rapid spitfire of apologies from Finn; one voice silenced them all. 

 

“HAN SOLO”A thick accent bellowed, carrying the last sound of his name far longer then was necessary.

 

Immediately, silence fell across the diner and Rey and Finn could only stare at the man who had been summoned. He gulped in apprehension. The owner of the voice had still yet to present themselves until the sea of locals parted, revealing a smaller and much older woman.

She fiddled with the thick lenses of her glasses that doubled the size of her eyes. She scanned each of them, lingering on Rey a lot longer then the others. Despite her small size, intimidation radiated off her. Rey could only stand paralysed on the spot and hope she hadn’t been dragged into a feud that didn’t concern her. 

 

“Hey Maz” He smiled warmly and immediately the diner resumed to it’s usual chaotic routine.

 

“Where’s my boyfriend?” 

 

“Chewie’s working on the Falcon” 

 

“I thought it was stolen years ago?”

 

“It was” Han seethed, his eyes shifting to Finn and Rey, causing the pair to tense on the spot. “I just reclaimed it”

 

Adding to the discomfort, Maz’s eyes scanned between them, pinching at the frame of her glasses as if bringing them closer would heighten her understanding.

 

“I see” She mumbled as if in deep thought, before clapping her hands in resolve “Well let’s get to it”

 

Maz directed them through the depths of the diner, shoving locals from left to right without consequence. Finn and Rey followed from the rear, and if Rey wasn’t mistaken, she was sure Finn was trying to hide his face.

 

“What is wrong with you?” She hissed in a low enough whisper that Han or Maz wouldn’t hear.

 

“Nothing, I just don’t like this place. It puts me on edge” He mumbled as the lie twitched the focus of his eyes.

 

Rey knew she was being lied to. She just didn’t know why.

 

Maz had sat them in a booth. The three of them just about managing to squeeze in the one side, while Maz sat comfortable on the other. Her feet barely reached the floor and despite the white of her hair and the deep lines that cut into the dark of her skin, Rey knew she was someone not to be messed with.

It was hard to match her unforgiving gaze; she wasn’t sure if it was the intense lenses in her glasses or something else that gave the appearance that she could see right through you. Ignoring the instinct to look away, Rey held her steady while Finn could only sweat and shift in his seat. Her focus on the two of them didn’t last long when Han chugged the first half of his beer that she had brought over for him.

 

“You’ve been running away for too long” She sighed into the depth of her coffee cup that chinked against the surface when she slammed it down with resolve. “Go home!”

 

It was Han’s turn to become uncomfortable. He shuffled awkwardly against the flattened leather of the booth and Rey watched him tug and tear at the label decorating his beer bottle. The sight was a familiar one that she couldn’t pinpoint.

 

“Leia doesn’t want to see me”

 

They discussed and mostly argued between themselves for several minutes, Rey had honed out of their conversation after several names she didn’t recognise or care for and she distracted herself with watching life unfold outside the diner window. If she looked hard enough, she could just about see Chewie kneeling at the motorbike.

 

“You okay kid?” Han murmured, gently nudging her from her daze.

 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” She hummed while her nose scrunched with bewilderment. He cared for her, when he had every reason not to. She had never experienced having a father and had always found the concept unusual but as she returned a smile, she was starting to understand it.

 

Platters of food disrupted their moment and Han’s warm smile fell with concern as he watched Rey’s arm protectively curl around her plate and eat as if it was something that didn’t happen often. The pat of Maz’s hand against the curled knots of his knuckles turned him from the sad display and she gave a soft nod in understanding.

He also noticed Finn had barely touched his food. His fork danced nervously around the cesspit of oil collecting around his plate. He turned and leant across the empty space Rey had created from leaning into her food. 

 

“Hey Solo, what are we doing here?” He hissed in a whisper.

 

Han knew a walking target when he saw one.

 

“Did you just call me Solo?”

 

“Sorry, Han- Mr Solo” He corrected himself frantically “You should know I’m a really big deal in certain parts and that puts a target on my back and since I’ve got no way to get home now you’ve taken our- I mean your motorbike I was just wondering if-”

 

Han interjected before he could finish. “Listen Big Deal, you’ve got another problem; women always find out the truth”

 

Finn paled at his words until plates skittled across the table. The three of them sat back in alarm as Maz crawled across towards them. Toying once again with her glasses and targeting the centre of her lenses on Finn. 

 

“Solo, what is she doing?”

 

“I’m not sure, but it’s not good”

 

“When you live as long as I have, you start to see the same eyes in different people” She explained, still hunched across the table and squinting into the panic setting across Finn’s face “I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run”

 

Finn immediately pushed himself from the booth and glared towards Maz who had sat comfortably back in her seat. Rey stared between them stunned and confused.

 

“You don’t know a thing about me, where I’m from or what I’ve seen. We need to leave, come on Rey”

 

He marched from their booth and towards the door that he shoved aggressively. Without question, Rey abandoned her plate and shifted sideways to exit the booth, continually calling after him in alarm.

 

She just about heard Maz’s distinct accent as she made her way to the door.

 

“Who’s the girl?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Finn!”

 

The dust kicked into her eyes from the trail he left behind, as he tore across the open dunes and back towards the auto shop. He was several feet ahead and Rey had to break into a run to reach him.

 

“I’m not who you think I am” He mumbled in shame when she approached and matched his pace. She had noticed Han was following in the distance.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

He turned to face her and Rey couldn’t help but stare at the fading bruise around his eyes. It had almost gone, but the question of why still lingered.

 

He exhaled hard, expelling the nerves. “I wasn’t beaten up because I owed money. I’m not a victim Rey, I’m a traitor”

 

“I don’t understand”

 

“I worked for The First Order. It’s led by the most corrupt politician around. Rey, you don’t understand the things he does to stay on top. Half of those people in that diner would kill me if they found out who I worked for. I would come here and collect money that was owed, intimidate those looking to expose him or there would be consequences”

 

“Finn-”

 

He continued, fully committing to his confession and leaving Rey no room to clear the building confusion.

 

“I couldn’t do it anymore. I made a choice that I wouldn’t help them or him anymore, so I ran. That’s how I got these” He pointed towards the faded discoloured bruises around his face. “Ben works for them too Rey. I knew who he was the whole time and I knew he didn’t have a choice. But you looked at me like no one ever has and I was ashamed of what I’d become. I lied to you and I’m so sorry.”

 

Rey hugged him before he could punish himself further. The sudden display of understanding surprised him and it took him several seconds to process she had understood and forgiven.

 

“I didn’t know he was going to turn up that night. I didn’t even know his name was Ben”

 

_What?_

 

Rey pulled away and looked at him, her nose scrunching tight as another puzzle piece was placed before her. He answered the question that silently tensed the lines of her face.

 

“The First Order call him Kylo Ren”

 

The name echoed in her head, over and over until the faint familiarity formed into remembrance. She had heard that name somewhere before and as she grabbed Finn’s hand and walked alongside him towards the auto shop, she hazily remembered the text message that she had mistaken for a typo.

Finn released her hand once they reached the auto shop and padded towards his leather jacket that he had left on a discarded tool chest. Rey knew to give him some distance. His revelation had been difficult to hear and even harder to admit. 

Rey settled for standing in the doorway, watching Chewie work on the Falcon. His technique was intriguing and far different then what she would do herself; she had become so entranced in his work that she hadn’t noticed Han stood beside her. 

 

“So I’ve been thinkin’ about bringing on someone to help out. You know, someone who can keep up with Chewie and me”

 

Rey turned to him, he was bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet. It was evident he didn’t proposition often.

 

“Are you offering me a job?”

 

“I wouldn’t be nice to you and it doesn’t pay well” He urged, as if it was part of the terms and conditions of his employment.

 

“You’re offering me a job” She grinned in response.

 

“I’m thinking about it” He countered as seriously as he could before a soft smirk teased the hard scowl he usually wore. “You know your way around an engine and you managed to get the old girl going. So what do you say?”

 

“If you are, I’m flattered” She paused, mulling over the temptation to say yes “But I have some things that I need to sort at home first”

 

Her head turned to Finn. He was still sat on the tool box, toying with one of Han’s various discarded beer bottles. He looked lost and the regret worked his fingers around the grooves of glass carved in the bottle.

 

“That’s too bad. Chewie kind of likes you” He murmured warmly, disguising the confession from the wooly mammoth of a man before him.

 

Shifting her focus back towards him, Rey craned her neck to meet his eyes. They held a familiar softness and she found herself wishing it had been him who had found her in the fostering system all those years ago.

 

“Chewie, bring the pick up around. It’s about time we got these kids home”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you ready?”

 

Rey took one final look around the kitchen. Her first night here had felt like a cage. She had stood paralysed in the centre, shivering from the chill of rain, wishing she could be anywhere but.

 

Now it only felt like a sanctuary she wasn’t ready to leave and a goodbye she wasn’t ready or sure she wanted to say.

 

_Not like this._

 

She stared at the note she had written as neatly as she could. She hoped it wouldn’t be obvious that she had taught herself as a child. She folded it into a card and propped it horizontally next to a distinct set of keys that belonged to Poe. His own farewell embellished with a spherical orange and white robot keyring.

 

She could just about make out ‘ _Goodbye’_ peeping from the split of folded card.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So firstly I feel like I have to apologise for the lack of Ben. I felt like the angst was so heavy in that last one, you guys needed a minute to catch your breath. I also found myself wondering what Rey and Finn would of have gotten up to in that time and because my AU is so canon infused, I had to incorporate the brilliant dynamic between Han and the two of them from TFA. 
> 
> But most importantly I have to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who has been there from the start and to those who joined halfway through. Thank you to the guys who sacrifice sleep and binge read all the chapters in one sitting, which is still so crazy to me.
> 
> Stick around for the next update, I promise it will have more Ben!


	11. Home

* * *

 

**Chapter 11**

**Home**

 

  _But home was never four walls_

_and a fire place._

_It was inside me all along;_

_some place where my heart beats blood around my veins,_

_where my lungs inhale the same air that brushes past the autumn trees._

_Leaf by leaf, step by step_

_I endure tints of home_

_Everywhere I go._

_-Annoymous_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So Senator Organa, I should congratulate you on your tide changing contribution to the trade deal”

 

“Oh please Amilyn, no need for such formalities. Even at the dinner table” She smiled between sips of thick soup. “My role as senator is left firmly at the door”

 

“Of course” The woman smiled, each word honeyed in such a way that Ben had to fight against the deep urge to roll his eyes until they hit skull.

 

A firm kick under the table and a thick raise of his father’s eyebrow had been enough to suffocate the temptation. So Ben ducked under the veil of thick hair, that against his mother’s orders, he had allowed to grow to such a length that it provided a poor shield from the pathetic display of flattery before him.

Obligation and the threat of proving his parents right, kept him fixed in his seat. A grand dinner table seating twelve prominent figures all squealing compliments into the swill of their soup. He wondered if they would continue to compliment her if they were discussing her role as the committed, non existent, mother he knew her to be. 

For someone so accomplished in deals, she had dealt him a rather unfair one. Seventeen years of missed sports games, music recitals, overprivileged hobbies his mother had encouraged him to partake, yet was too busy to celebrate. In reflection, career had bested Son and here he was; seated at yet another dinner to play the accessory to the perfect family. The expectations were unfair and the resentment was a bitter flavour when blended with the foul tasting seasoning of his meal. The walls of his throat seized with each swallow. 

 

“Ben?” His mother’s concern interrupted. His eyes snapped from the distraction of his spoon manipulating his dinner and he found himself trapped in the gaze of all the other guests.

 

“What?”

 

Another kick under the table jolted him from his daze. Another raise of the brow aligned him back to the script and when he turned back to his mother, Ben made sure his smile was as sickly and false as the compliments his guests had gifted her.

 

“The Admiral asked you a question dear”

 

She gestured to the gentleman across from him, several seats to the right. His skin pruned with age and liver spots while the silver wire of his mutton chops quivered under the forced smile he presented him.

 

“Your mother tells me your intending to get into Harvard after you finish school” He repeated now he had reclaimed Ben’s attention. His voice had been sharp, the delivery forthright and in a much deeper register then Ben was anticipating.

 

Ben nodded in response to the Admiral defining the statement to be fact, rather then presenting it as a question to be answered. It appeared he already knew the answer, so why he needed Ben’s confirmation was beyond him. 

All eyes pinned him to the antique upholstery of his seat. The interaction was off script and far past territory that Ben had deemed safe. The floor was now his and the risk of tarnishing his mother’s reputation had left a thick film of sweat in the curl of his palm. Anxiety boiled the acid in his stomach causing metallic tasting hiccups and the expectation to perform as the prodigy son ached his joints that had knotted with seizing muscle. 

 

The building pressure seared across his head, his eyes tunnelled against the aggressive throb of his pulse and Ben found himself battling to remain compliant.

 

“What are your intended studies Benjamin?” Another guest from lower down the table interjected and Ben felt the mask slipping when they had deemed themselves familiar enough to use his full name.

 

“Law” He managed to feed through the grind of his teeth. He flinched at the contact of his nails piercing the bed of his palm.

 

“Oh Leia, you must be so proud” Crooned the lilac haired woman next to her. “He is just like you”

 

“I am nothing like you”

 

He couldn’t be sure the words had actually come into existence until the gentle buzz of admiration transitioned to choked silence. The audience was that of conflict; some of the guests were still processing the shock of his defiance while others could only glare at the apparent disrespect. The ringing in his ears subsided enough for him to hear the splutters of the Admiral several seats down.

 

“Ben-” His parents warned in harmony. The assertive gravel of his father’s voice contrasting against the defeat that lifted his mother’s several registers higher. His name had been a symphony, orchestrated by the surrounding silence and Ben found the still developing deepness of his own commanding the room.

 

“What?! It’s true!” He spat, raising from his chair, fully taking advantage of the stunned silence around him and his recent growth spurt that rivalled his father. “You think I don’t hear what you and Dad say about me when you think I’m not listening? Do you tell your pathetic guests what I really am?”

 

He was in full swing now. Despite the stereotypical whine of adolescence twisting each word deeper, Ben showed no signs of relenting. Years of people pleasing and playing the prodigy son while his parents believed him to be far from it, had finally come to an end. The mask slipped just long enough and he found himself wishing he had ripped it off sooner.

 

“Benjamin, let’s continue this conversation when-”

 

“Monster” He interjected. The singular word sounded more guttural and strained then he would of liked, but it forced his mother to snap rigid in her seat and side eye the guests staring back at her. “That’s all you see when you’re not too busy looking down the closest wine bottle” 

 

He was miserable and it had taken him publicly humiliating her for it to finally be recognised.

 

“You are a hypocrite” He whispered dryly as the words scratched the insides of his throat.

 

Everyone was staring at her. Elders silently urging her to discipline and his father willing her to talk so he wouldn’t further exacerbate the situation. His skin prickled with a familiar discomfort and when he turned his head to identify the cause, he found himself meeting the stare of a gentleman right at the far end of the table. There was no disgust, no hint of malice that mirrored those around him, only pride and something else that he couldn’t place.

 

The whispered apologies from his mother returned his attention and he could only scoff at the spectacle.

 

“Still prioritising being a politician over being a mother”

 

Leaving her no time to respond, Ben scoffed in disgust and stormed across the dining hall in several long strides. His feet carried him across the empty hallway and it wasn’t until the contact of fresh air hitting his lungs that he realised he had ended up in the garden. His body sagged under the adrenalin and for several minutes he sat hunched against the nearest bench, dragging in heavy breaths to quell the anxious nausea his confrontation had created.

 

“That was an impressive spectacle” A husked voice interrupted from behind him. It’s owner had an accent of class and education and it had been so sudden Ben had almost slipped from his seat.

 

When he turned, he found himself staring once again at the stranger at his mother’s table. It wasn’t until he was outside and away from the distraction of confronting his parents that he noticed the deep scar that cut across the crown of his head and the garish golden tie that cut into the black of his suit.

 

“Who the fuck are you?”

 

He held out his hand and his lips twitched in to a sickly sweet smile.

 

“A friend”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The silence was deafening. The hallways were devoid of life, sound, anything of existence and the withdrawals were starting to set. 

 

It had been a week since he walked into the kitchen and discovered he was now it’s only sole occupant. The letter and keys displayed on the counter were painful, but deserving. He spent that night studying the letter left for him, transfixed by how the ink had been manipulated in unrecognisable angles that didn’t belong to Poe’s hand.

Two simple words. Separately, they bared no significance. But together they stung and constricted the base of his throat. They weighted his steps as he wandered without purpose around the house.  

He would punish himself where he could; drinking till the alcohol burned the lining of his throat, jogging the hangover off until his body screamed against the searing pain.

 

All temporary solutions that failed.

 

She still burned bright and fast in the forefront of his thoughts and he mourned for the lifelong friendship between him and Poe. Snoke had isolated him, creeping into the small reliefs he had hidden from him. Family ties had been severed but the ascent of power had been addicting.

He knew he couldn’t pin this all on Snoke. He had complied and some dark twisted part of him had enjoyed it. His anger towards his parents had been the driving force for his unwavering loyalty and he revelled in knowing it had shaken the foundations of his family. 

 

In his mind, they deserved it.

 

But Rey didn’t.

 

A week had passed when he had finally forced himself to return to the workshop and discover the motorbike missing. Initially he swayed against the alcohol that weighted his body and after several hard blinks to correct his vision, he stepped inside and stared at the empty space. The sound of fractured glass reverberated across the workshop and it had taken him several seconds to realise he had launched the whiskey across the room.

Destructive hands urged for more and before he knew it, Ben had totalled the rest of his work space. The metal of his tools rang across the jarring silence, while the loud roar that escaped him vibrated against the steel shutters. He stared blankly at the unoccupied space where the bike once sat and with the fire still smouldering inside him, he rested his head against the wall in defeat.

 

Rey must have taken the bike and the irony wasn’t missed on him that he had also claimed it from his father’s workshop several years ago. Another one of Snoke’s manipulations.

 

Peering through the thick fall of his fringe, Ben winced at the workbench that had been left untouched in his path of destruction. She had kissed him in that exact spot; starting off delicate due to the initial lack of confidence but when he had adjusted to the surprise and reciprocated, it had become _more._

 

Together they fell into each other’s orbit. A clash of teeth and lips in a desperate need to be closer and in that moment Ben worshipped her. The soft hymn of a sigh that escaped her lips, while her fingers laced around the back of his neck in prayer. He had basked in her light for only a brief moment, until the devil summoned and he dutifully served.

 

The ghost of her standing at the doorway, broken and confused resurfaced to the front of his mind. The subsiding whiskey had been potent enough to counteract the painful image but with each passing minute, the intoxicating numbness began to dissipate.

 

A laugh interrupted his slurred hiccups. Despite it all, Unkar, the junkyard, her parents; Rey had been the one to rescue him. Her life had been nothing but waiting for the people who were supposed to smother her with the love she deserved and as he sat there, in the confines of his workshop, Ben found himself wanting to be the one to give it to her.

Instead all he had given her was a target on her back. Snoke’s threat continually defeated the small hope within him to find her, to explain, to apologise. It was a risk he was not prepared to take and one he would never forgive himself for if it came in to fruition. 

 

He scoffed at the sentiment. The infamous Kylo Ren was protecting her.

 

There was no more energy for denial. He had fallen for the starved scavenger that stood in his kitchen, fresh rain still pooling in the dip of her collarbone. The silent confession released the built up pressure trapped in the cage of his chest and as he battled against the painful clasp of his throat, Ben felt the faint buzz of his phone demanding his attention.

He didn’t have to even look at the screen to know who it would be. He had no one left. Snoke had taken everything and Ben had unquestionably surrendered it. So with a sharp intake of breath and his phone already sticking to the nervous film of sweat breaking out of his skin, Ben answered. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn’t sure if the novelty would ever wear off; cooked breakfast, the sweet tang of fresh orange juice, not having to toil away in a scrapyard for any of it. They had practically challenged her to empty the fridge and Rey had tried her hardest. At first she gorged until she was sick, but after several days and reassurance from Poe that the food was still going to be there, Rey learned to pace herself.

A week of living under Finn’s roof and Rey had already noticed the effects. Her figure no longer cut into jagged peaks across her body. Visible bone had been replaced with muscle and for the first time in her life, Rey felt strong.

With each passing day and meal, Rey felt a new surge of energy she never believed possible. Her hair had glossed a rich chestnut brown, rather then the limp strands it had once been and despite sleeping on Finn’s sofa, it had been such a stark contrast from the rusted shelter of a totalled car, that the thrumming pain that knotted the muscles of her back, had all but gone. 

Finn and Poe had allowed her to sleep a solid fourteen hours on the first day. Exhaustion had always been her shadow at Jakku, always threatening to steal her only opportunity of a meal. 

 

But now she was allowed to just _be._

 

And yet, as she stood in the centre of Finn’s apartment, surveying the morning stirring the streets below, Rey knew this wasn’t home. She had never been a part of the plan and she couldn’t battle the insecurity that nibbled at her better judgment.

She didn’t belong here and she couldn’t pretend that she didn’t notice the way her roommates fingers brushed softly against each other or the starved eyes that longed for more. She recognised the affliction and she hated herself for the envy that bloomed within her. She was intruding on something beautiful and it _hurt._

She couldn’t allow herself to think of the reason why it hurt or more importantly _who_ had caused that hurt, because if she did, Rey knew all her resolve would crumble. For the first time in her memory, she had found someone who had rescued her from the aching loneliness she had professed to _him_.

Her walls had come to the ground, revealing the small light of hope she had desperately protected and his had come down with her, only they had harboured something much more darker. Rey was no stranger to physical punishment and that was exactly why she thought she could identify a monster that revelled in it. 

But she never saw a monster kneeling at the doorway that night. She recognised the regret and pain that blew out the dark of his eyes and also something buried much deeper. A lifetime under Unkar had allowed her to identify a monster but it also allowed her to recognise something else. 

 

_A prisoner._

 

“Rey?” Poe’s voice cut across the room and he continued when Rey hummed in response. “Are you okay? You’ve been staring out of that window for twenty minutes. Are you hungry because if you are I can make you-”

 

“No, I’m not hungry but thank you” She interjected, forcing a polite smile and turning back to stare out of the window.

 

She would never get used to the heavy pulse of city life.

 

“That’s not like you, maybe you’re coming down with something. A hot bath would make you feel better, let me just go run-”

 

“I don’t belong here Poe” She whispered and the confession expelled the painful breath she had been storing inside her chest.

 

“What are you talking about? Of course you do”

 

Closing the distance between them, Poe shifted from the corner of the room and stood beside her and she could feel his eyes boring into the side of her head as she continued to survey the street below.

 

She also noticed that he had come from the direction of Finn’s room.

 

“You and Finn have been so good to me and I’ll always be grateful for that, but-”

 

“You are not going back to that junkyard”

 

Turning her head from the window, she met Poe’s eyes, wide with concern and she could only gift him a warm, genuine smile to reassure him otherwise.

 

“I was trapped in that place for so long Poe. I need to find my place in all of this” Turning back towards the window, Rey gazed in awe at the bustling life down below. “I’ve been offered a job”

 

From the peripheral of her vision, she could easily spot the wide smile that spread across Poe’s sharp jawline, until her eyes locked onto a motorbike filtering through the morning rush hour traffic. The memory goaded a warm smile from her and the secret her and Finn shared about their misadventure.

Swivelling towards the window, Poe followed her line of sight until he spotted the bike that had distracted her. After several minutes of silence and the motorbike fading in the distance, he turned and cut into the comfortable silence with a single syllable. 

 

“Where?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘Solo and Son’s’ shouted from the weathered shop front. Initially, Rey had found it endearing but now, as she stood outside of the auto shop with a new found purpose, it only radiated intimidation and doubt for what she was about to do. 

 

Would he remember her? And if he did, more importantly, would he still want her?

 

She didn’t think she had enough strength to accept another form of rejection, especially from someone like Han. Despite the cold exterior, Rey could sense the compassion within him. She saw the way tired eyes regarded her as she desperately clung to her plate and she caught a brief glimpse of his lips tugging at the corners, when she waved at Chewie in the distance.

 

She thinks he likes her. Han had _offered_ her a job. He had given her something she very rarely experienced; _a choice._ An open invitation in to an environment she was more then familiar with and one she had struggled to adjust from. Scavenging and fixing things that were thought to be beyond repair, was what she was good at.

 

Her hesitance at the doorway and the way her eyes lingered on that last word of ‘Solo and Sons’ had caused her to miss Han fixing himself at the entrance. She also missed the beer bottle he slyly sheltered out of sight behind his back.

 

“Finally had enough of Big Deal huh?” He projected across the stretch of distance between them, his voice sounding more gravelly than usual. Most likely from the lack of use in the early morning.

 

Initially startled at the sudden appearance, Rey flinched slightly at being caught. She had designed a script in her head of the scenario and already it had gone into uncharted territory. Improvisation would have to do.

 

Coughing lamely, masking the nerves in a way that fooled no one, Rey broadened her shoulders. “I’ve changed my mind”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

Thick eyebrows raised playfully with challenge and it was apparent he revelled in her discomfort at being blind sided.

 

“About the job. You offered me a job remember? You do remember right, because if not we can just forget this whole-”

 

She was rambling. Each word causing to stumble over the last and before she completely lost her ability to speak in coherent sentences, Han raised his hand to stop her. She obliged immediately, clamping her mouth tight, while her eyes dilated with apprehension.

 

Angling his head away from her, his voice shouted over the faint tinkering of someone working inside. “Chewie! Looks like you owe me fifty bucks”

 

A deep grunt responded from inside the shop and Han released a low chuckle before mumbling something she couldn’t quite make out. Turning to meet the building confusion forming across her face, Han smiled warmly and gestured her inside. 

 

“Come on kid, I best give you the tour”

 

Despite the initial setback of her proposition going in a direction she had anticipated, overall it had ended in success. Han had covered every centimetre of the shop in fine detail, it wasn’t grand in size but somehow his tour had already reached the hour mark.

 

After familiarising herself with his beloved workspace, he concentrated on reintroductions with Chewie, who immediately engulfed her in a strong hug. Rey barely reached his stomach, but she still giggled in to his shirt all the same when he patted the top of her head.

 

The smile that refused to leave had been bordering on painful and occasionally she would find herself peering at Han from the corner of her lashes. It wasn’t long before he directed her towards the stairs along the back wall, which Rey assumed must lead to an overlooking office.

 

But upon entering, it was more of a living space rather than a work one. A well used double bed dominated the back wall, alongside a desk and cabinet. It was basic in needs and it suited Han perfectly, so she couldn’t understand why he had included this in the tour.

 

Before she could even open her mouth to comment, Han coughed nervously, rubbing the tense knot of muscle against the junction of his spine and neck.

 

“I used to sleep here a lot when things at home were difficult” He mumbled dejectedly, wincing at the painful memory the room brought. “But that was a long time ago and well, it’s yours if you want it”

 

Rey’s head spun instantly to meet him. Her mouth parted in the initial shock and disbelief of his offer. She had done nothing to be deserving of such an offer and if memory served her right, she had in fact been caught with his stolen motorbike.Yet her conscience screamed for answers, so she settled for the simplest one.

 

“Why?”

 

The line of his lips thinned at the uncomfortable question, yet Han sighed and obliged her. “You’re a good kid Rey, anyone can see that. Even a shitty father like me”

 

Their eyes met briefly. She regarded the misery behind them, framed behind the age of his skin and then she spotted it.

 

 _Guilt._

 

‘Solo and Son’s’ was named because of a father’s pride for his child. There had been a son and with Chewie being the only other person around, Rey couldn’t help but wonder where he may be. The admission of his failings had apparently been enough for one day, because before she could press further, Han steered the heavy atmosphere back towards safe waters.

 

“It’s not much and I’m sure Big Deal had something much fancier, but it’s your home if you want it”

 

Rey enveloped him immediately into a tight hug. Words couldn’t summarise the gratitude she felt, so she hoped the tight squeeze around his torso would be clear enough. Eventually she managed to release a few small words in to the wall of his chest.

 

“It’s perfect. Thank you”

 

She frowned slightly when the stale scent of beer hit her nose. Breaking from her vice, Han coughed nervously at the gesture, almost as if he was completely inexperienced with such affection. He still managed a warm smile that creased his eyes and Rey immediately found herself wondering why the sight felt so familiar. 

 

“I’ll let you get settled in. If you need anything, just holler for me or the Fur Ball out there”

 

It took a couple of hours after the initial presentation of the room for Rey to accept this was _her_ space. It took even longer for her to believe it was gifted in kindness. Han had exited the room shortly after and Rey appreciated the distance he gave her. She needed time to adjust, especially seeing as she had only planned to come away with a job and nothing more.

 

A small part of herself hated the handout she had been given. Rey didn’t want to be a charity case, but she hated intruding on whatever was going on between Finn and Poe more. She was happy for them; watching the beauty of them slowly following the breadcrumbs towards each other. But she couldn’t ignore the dull ache it brought and she couldn’t bring herself to face that issue head on either.

 

Poe had introduced Finn to his boss; some fancy senator that Rey had never heard of and each morning began with the pair heading to work together. Minutes stretched in to hours, the rustic brick of Finn’s apartment caved around her and Rey found herself back at square one.

 

_Alone._

 

She expelled the thought as quickly as it had appeared, turning to the pile of clothes that she had Finn drop off for her earlier in the day. Meticulously, she handled each item of clothing piled before her with care. Folding and refolding till each were uniform and neat. Her junkyard overalls were a distant memory but Rey was determined to treat her new wardrobe with the respect it deserved.

 

Quickly enough the shelves of the cabinet began to fill and when she had finally reached the bottom, her hands stopped at the cardboard box that fell from the scuffle. Photographs spilled from it’s contents and without even having to bend to get a closer look, Rey immediately choked on the thinning air around her.

 

Dark brown eyes bore into her from the floor. Photograph upon photograph of the same praetorian nose and oversized ears that had yet to be covered by hair.

 

Scrambling to her knees, nervous fingers pinched between each photograph. Her eyes scanned over the miserable teenager refusing to meet the camera and she released a slight giggle at the scrawny pirate posturing with a self made wooden sword. Yet she was sure her heart stopped at the photo stacked at the far bottom.

 

_Ben._

 

It must have been recent, a couple years at most. Wild hair that sat just right, while a somber scowl commanded attention. That was her Ben; the one who had caught her in his garden all those weeks ago. She had tried so hard to forget about him, but here he was; immortalised in hundreds of photographs and it was hard to hate him when his whole life had spread out before her.

 

He looked so miserable in every single one. She didn’t recognise the smaller, smiling woman taking the centre of the frame, but Rey found herself admiring the warmth that radiated from her. Yet it was the man beside him in the last photo that caught her attention. Slightly less rough around the edges and with far less grey patching the thick wire of his hair, it was no mistaking Han.

 

Soon enough she marched down the stairs and towards him with a ferocity she didn’t believe she possessed. When Poe had mentioned Ben being sent away, Rey had never imagined Han to be the one to do it.

 

Han had been the hero of her story, yet the villain of his. The narrative was no longer straight forward and Rey’s head spun in the aching chaos.

 

Han had already spotted the photograph clutched between her fingers, as he straightened himself out from a car hood. The backdrop of night sky behind him cast them in a soft glow from the ageing bulb above and Rey would have found it serene in any other circumstance.

 

“Hey kid, everything alright? You seem kinda-”

 

Completely ignoring the poor attempt at steering the conversation elsewhere, Rey interjected “Solo and Son’s huh?”

 

The topic was clearly a painful one for him, he winced at the photograph she passed to him but Rey needed answers. She needed to understand.

 

“What happened?”

 

Pacing away from her, he sat into the swivel chair that barely remained fixed together as it released a loud creak of protest. His hand swiped across his face before reaching across for a beer and knocking it back in one vicious swig. Rey immediately regretted her hard line of questions. Evidently the topic was painful for him and before she could backtrack and reassure him that he didn’t have to answer, Han obliged her.

 

“I lost him” He sighed in defeat, still staring at the photo as if he was reliving the memory “I lost my son to a monste _r_ ”

 

“Snoke?”

 

The name snapped his head from the photo and towards the small lilt of her voice. “You know him?”

 

“Heard of him” Rey corrected, teeth grinding against the foul taste the mention of the man left behind in her mouth “Finn used to work for him but he managed to get out and from what he’s told me, he makes Unkar Plutt look like a saint”

 

Han chuckled slightly at her attempt to lighten the darkening atmosphere she had unintentionally created between them. His brow furrowed when he regarded the photograph he cradled in his fingers.

 

“He was always so angry. Me and Leia tried everything we could but in the end, I think it only pushed him further away. We thought he’d appreciate some space so we sent him to live with his uncle”

 

He took another hard swig of the bottle his other hand clamped around. Rey noticed the harsh white of his knuckles and despite hating herself for pushing to do this, in her selfishness she found herself unable to stop him.

 

“Soon after, Snoke had offered him a job and when I found out, I went to confront him. The last time I saw him was on the back of that motorbike. The divorce followed soon after that” He mumbled, gesturing to the Falcon across the shop floor. “So when I saw you and Big Deal riding it, I thought maybe he’d be there you know, but he must of sold it and-”

 

“I stole it from him”

 

Rey steeled herself for the anger that would surely follow at her omission but Han could only blink at her in shock.

 

“You’ve met my son?”

 

“I broke into his garden and he tackled me, so yeah I guess you could say I’ve met your son”

 

“Huh, small world”

 

They laughed together at the failed attempt to remain deadpan as possible and Han found himself scanning the photo with hope rather then failure.

 

“That does sound like something a Solo would do. Women were never our strong point”

 

“It’s not too late you know”

 

“I missed my chance to play Father of the year a long time ago, Rey. I’m sure he’s doing just fine without me”

 

She couldn’t be sure what it was about him in that moment that caused Rey to counteract the sad omission. Maybe it was the way his eyes instantly weighted with the thick gloss of something close to tears or the way he coughed against the tightening of his throat. But as her eyes fixed on the photograph capturing father and son, she found herself unable to lie.

 

“Actually… He’s far from fine”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who has still stuck with this story after such a big gap in updates! I can't believe it's been a whole month since the last one! Sorry, sorry, sorry! 
> 
> I've been super busy with everything recently. I'm currently doing a qualification for teaching and learning and I've only just recently returned from my travels in Croatia! I actually stayed in the city where they filmed the Canto bight casino scenes for TLJ! 
> 
> So until now, writing has kinda been sat on the back burner but I'm determined to get this finished now that I'm home and reunited with my beloved laptop and draft notes.


	12. What Girl?

* * *

 

**Chapter 12**

**What Girl?**

 

_A Girl,_

_Her soul a deep-wave pearl_

_Dim, lucent of all lovely mysteries;_

_A face flowered for heart’s ease,_

_A brow’s grace soft as seas_

_Seen through faint forest-trees:_

_A mouth, the lips apart,_

_Like aspen-leaflets trembling in the breeze_

_From her tempestuous heart._

_Such: and our souls so knit,_

_I leave a page half-writ —_

_The work begun_

_Will be to heaven’s conception done,_

_If she come to it._

                              

_\- Michael Field_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Rey!” A soft voice carried up the stairs, allowing a few seconds of silence to provide opportunity to respond, which obviously Rey ignored. “Rey dear, there’s someone here to see you!”

 

Rey huffed in frustration, rolling her eyes at nobody but the self made fighter pilot doll in her hands. Her name called out several times more, interrupting her imaginary adventure of saving the galaxy. With the fun being completely drained, Rey uncrossed the knot of her legs and slowly made her way down the stairs.

 

“Oh there you are! Stand right by me dear, there’s no need to hide. There’s someone I’d like you to meet”

 

Soft hands pinned her shoulders, rooting Rey to the spot instantly. Her eyes turned from the smiling woman above and instantly her grip tightened on her doll. She had hoped to steal some of the bravery he possessed when saving the galaxy she so desperately wished to explore. It wasn’t pretend if she spent more time there then she did here.

 

She couldn’t be sure how long she had been at the orphanage, but she knew the desperate urge to leave had always been there. However, as her neck craned drastically upwards to meet the beady stare of the monstrous sized stranger sharing the hallway with them, Rey suddenly hoped she could stay for just a little while longer.

 

“Rey dear, this is Mr Plutt. He’s a lovely gentleman who lives in the next town over and he’s going to take you to your new home. Isn’t that wonderful?”

 

_Oh._

 

Panic immediately snatched Rey from the pin of the matron’s arms and immediately she bolted behind the heavy fall of her skirt. The three haphazard buns she was still perfecting bobbed insecurely against her head and as she peered out from the soft cotton shield of the matron’s skirt, the stranger could only bare a thin smile of uneven yellow teeth.

 

_Urgh, yuck._

 

“She’s a little shy. She’s only five” She countered towards the nervous cough of her new guardian.

 

“I’m nearly six actually!” Rey argued in a high pitch squeak against the back of her legs.

 

A gentle chuckle followed and Rey found herself wondering what she said that had been so funny. Grown ups seemed to do weird things like that.

 

“I’ll just go collect her things and then we can sign that paperwork we talked about over the phone Mr Plutt” The matron instructed, shifting Rey from the back of her legs and shepherding her towards _him._ “Now I’ll leave you two to sort out the introductions. I’m sure you’re going to be the best of friends”

 

The small pip of anxiety in Rey’s stomach disagreed and she found herself hugging tighter onto her beloved doll when she realised the matron had gone. He regarded her for several seconds and slowly he sank himself onto one knee, levelling his eyes to meet hers. The soft gentle smile he hadworn instantly shifted into something that caused Rey’s spine to tingle.

 

The sensation was one she recognised. Nightmares were a frequent visitor during the night and it appeared one had finally found it’s way to her in the daytime. He sneered at her, as if he knew something she didn’t and as the grease on his lips curled into a thin never ending smile, Rey realised that she was not the only person who liked to play pretend.

“Yes, you’ll do perfect”

 

* * *

 

Cold water splashed against the sweat airing on her skin. Gasping at the contact, Rey gripped the basin of the sink and allowed the remaining droplets of water to trail in a downward stream. 

 

Sleep was always something she welcomed but with the memory of _that_ day spoiling the enjoyment, Rey found herself immediately jumping from her bed and running to the door of her room and flinging it open. 

 

She was half expecting the orphanage or even Unkar’s office due to still being half asleep and her brain correcting itself from the spiking chemicals her flashback brought. A relieved sigh escaped her when she peered out across the workshop floor and spotted a miffed Chewie staring up at her and the sudden slam of her door opening.

 

He gave a small wave and she returned it instantly with a soft smile. It had only been a few days since moving in but Rey warmed to Chewie in a way she never thought possible. She had always been wary of strangers, however Chewie seemed to be the exception. Even if he did tackle her the first time they met.

 

Each morning he brought her breakfast from his trailer a few yards away, followed with a large flask of coffee they would share together. Today it was a breakfast wrap stuffed with bacon, egg and hash browns. All of his own making and Rey noticed he always added extra to her serving.

 

Together they sat, nibbling at their breakfast while Rey attempted to eat at a more moderate pace now proper meals were no longer a rarity. Han would soon follow from his trailer, located not too far from Chewie’s and deposit bagels and fresh coffee from Maz’s diner, before her.

 

“Breakfast on account of the pay being shit ” He would repeat each morning and Rey would giggle each time.

 

After a couple of days, it had become apparent that Rey really did know her stuff when mechanics and engines were concerned. Han had given up shadowing her after the first day when she effortlessly fixed an engine he had been struggling with for days.

 

“How the hell did you do that?” He had barely stuttered out.

 

“I bypassed the compressor!” She beamed with pride, holding up the small part that had been troubling Han for weeks.

 

He had stood in a state of shock for several minutes, staring between her and the small metal blight he had long given up on in the hope Chewie would grow frustrated and solve himself. Han was never one for patience, especially when he had to swallow his pride to achieve it. 

 

So within a few days, he allowed her to work on the bigger jobs. Car after car would rev and splutter to life and Han would only shake his head in disbelief. Yet there would always be a hint of pride that lifted the corner of his lips.This was what she was good at and finally she was doing it for someone who cared about her rather then the money she was making.

 

As reward, he had gifted her with a pair of fresh overalls, dark blue in colour and her name embroidered in fine stitching. It became increasingly apparent that kind gestures made him awkward and he could only shift slightly on the spot when Rey held them up in awe.

 

“I got Maz to stitch in your name, so I guess that means you’re stuck with us” He had murmured towards the floor and Rey found herself once again enveloping him in a tight hug when the words escaped her.

 

However Rey couldn’t ignore the hint of sadness behind his words. Han’s admission of being a poor father hadn’t dampened his need to be one and every time she wished he had been her own, immediately she would think of Ben. Their conversation, from the first night she had moved in and discovered the photograph, lingered heavy on her mind and since then they hadn’t continued it further.

 

Han needed time to process. Anyone could see that his son was a wound that never healed and Rey had stormed right in and cut it deeper. Besides, Ben was a sore topic for her too and she wasn’t ready to have that conversation with herself, let alone Han.

 

“Hey kid, did you listen to a word I just said?”

 

“Huh?”

 

Rey could only stare at Han, mouth slack with confusion and her face desperately trying and failing to pretend she had heard every word. Evidently she had failed by the height at which his eyebrows raised.

 

“Didn’t think so. I said, me and Chewie are gonna’ be out most of the day sourcing parts so you’ve got the day to yourself. If you wanna head into town, you can take the Falcon”

 

“Seriously? You’ve only just got her up running properly again!”

 

“Exactly, which is why I’m expecting you to stay out of trouble. Think you can manage that?”

 

Rey grinned in to the chipped cup of her coffee. Diving her hand into the brown paper bag that held the last bagel and laughing at Han’s poor attempt to swat her hand away, she took a large bite and grinned as wide as her full mouth would allow her.

 

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

 

* * *

 

_In, out. In, out. In out._

 

The mantra hummed in his head. Each deep swallow of breath bloated the muscle of his abdomen, that ached with a fullness he needed to calm the anxiety.

 

The soft chime of the elevator passing level after level, only stoked the chaos reigning over the calm that he desperately needed to face the omen above.

 

It was a dread like no other. A constant battle to undo the panic that manifested and charged the small space of elevator he dominated. There could be no weakness, no hint of disloyalty, no _hope._ Snoke could sense weakness as a shark can taste a singular diluted droplet of blood in endless waters. He preyed on it as he had preyed on him all those years ago and Ben had been too arrogant and too angry to care.

 

He deserved this. He had asked for this. He needed this, to protect _her._

 

_From now on, it will always be for her._

 

The partition of steel separated and Ben swallowed back the last remaining breath of treason. The impassive mask he had perfected was now on and immediately his stance shifted into something that feigned indifference.

 

In this moment, everything and everyone were beneath him. Marching through endless hallways of the First Order’s building, Ben scowled at those who would suspect indifference if he didn’t. He ignored the increasing panic that his presence brought, which was recently something he had come to hate.

 

He followed the script and nobody suspected otherwise.

 

He barely recognised the dark growl of his voice. “Where is he?”

 

“Mr Hux?”

 

“Yes” He answered, clearly pained by the inability of the small minded aide trembling before him.

 

He couldn’t think of the man’s name. Mitaka maybe? Either way it was of no importance to him. Snoke had surrounded himself with weakness. How had he not noticed it before?

 

“He is currently in a meeting with the Senator”

 

He felt his mouth part slightly as the weight of those words dropped to the gallows of his stomach. It was a silent execution and instead of maintaining his hard exterior, all he could focus on was the panic that flooded him.

 

“I don’t recall being informed of a meeting. What was the agenda?” He winced at the poor attempt to intimidate.

 

_It used to be so much easier._

 

“I’m not sure. I overheard them talking about some girl”

 

His skin immediately prickled at the instantaneous fear that shot up the pillar of his spine. Eyes swallowed by his pupils. The two words that escaped him were a staccato. Each word laced with an anger so beyond anything Ben had ever felt before. He also hadn’t realised that his hand was now wrapped around the other man’s throat, pinning him to the wall.

 

“What girl?”

 

* * *

 

Cold dark mahogany stung the tip of his ear as Ben pressed himself as close to the door as possible. He had left the spluttering mess of Snoke’s aide behind and advanced straight to the office, only to be stopped by the mumbled whisperings inside.

 

It had actually been the sound of her name being spat out as if she tasted of acid that caused him to pause his confrontation.

 

“He has a fondness for her”

 

“Would he feel the same if he knew she was currently residing with Han Solo?”

 

It was as if everything stood still in that small grain of time. Rey was with his father? He should hate her by association if it was true. The mere mention of his father always fed the dormant anger within him. Their last interaction was memorable for all the wrong reasons. Han Solo was never one for words but when he needed them to hurt, he somehow found a way. Clearly a trait he had inherited himself.

 

The expectant volley of rage however, never arrived; there was only relief. It drew the anxiety from him as if it was venom and Ben found himself _smiling_ into the wood of the door. 

 

_She’s safe._

 

“He cannot know. I’ve allowed her to be a distraction for far too long. No more games Hux, leave Kylo to me. I think it’s time me and young Rey meet” 

 

“What would you have me do?”

 

“Bring her to me”

 

For the second time Ben found himself choking on the panic that seized the walls of his throat. His vision blurred while his legs threatened to give way underneath him and in the small stretch of time, his mind screamed to part from the door and find her.

 

He remained fixed to the wooden panelling, panting in the rush of formulating a plan. If what Hux had said was true, she would be residing in his father’s workshop. Despite the urgency, he found himself wondering if she had met Chewie yet and if he disliked her as he disliked anyone who was not his family.

 

Was she working for him? She was more than experienced and despite his abhorrence for the man, Han Solo was an improvement from her last employer. He cares, albeit not when it mattered or where Ben himself was concerned, but deep down compassion was engrained in him. _Somewhere._

 

_Maybe if I had been a better son. Maybe._

 

Muted footsteps transitioned into clear movement towards the door and Ben had just about managed to turn the corner and shield himself from view. A quick shot of red blurred in a determined march down the corridor; Hux none the wiser that Ben had intercepted their conversation and a painful exhale of relief escaped the tight knot in his chest.

 

Resolve flooded in its place, the knots of his knuckles taut and white and with one final hard breath to tame the violent pound of his heart, which he was sure Snoke had the perception to detect, he barrelled back towards the elevator.

 

He had barely noticed the pathetic squawk that escaped the man he had only choked several minutes ago.

 

“Mr Ren, sir, Senator S-Snoke has requested that you-”

 

He didn’t even turn to notice the reddening band around his throat that he was still continuing to massage and as Ben entered the elevator, with a low growl that would scare the devil himself, he muttered his last rites.

 

“I know what I have to do” 

 

 

* * *

 

 “No fucking way” 

 

The Falcon hummed underneath her and Rey could only laugh with the disbelief that Han and mainly Chewie, had some how tuned the exhaust to no longer choke thick black smog and instead be replaced with a satisfying purr that responded to the slightest squeeze of the throttle.

 

Rey had to rev it several times until the belief fully sunk in. It was still the same old battered bike, at least it appeared to be and yet it responded as if the engine was fresh, straight off the factory line.

 

Han and Chewie had only set off thirty minutes prior to Rey caving and clambering onto the bike. She had promised herself that the temptation was a recipe for disaster but the boredom of an empty shop had been far more painful.

 

_One quick spin won’t hurt._

 

The Falcon had practically coaxed her to kick back the foot pedal and who was she to deny her. Besides Han had given her his blessing and the trust he had put in her had warmed a part of Rey that had long been cold. But it was exactly that reason she had hesitated as she looked out onto the dust plain of the trailer park.

 

Han would kill her if anything happened to it. Or worse; kick her out and send her packing back to where she came from. She had no intention of returning back to Unkar, but the temptation to freely explore had been far too enticing to ignore.

 

It’s not that she never ventured past the Junkyard walls, Rey had done so on many occasions. Frequently running into the city and exploring was the only escape she had, but it was always in secret and it always came with the cost of risk and panic at being caught. Reduced portions was a severe threat and Rey only risked it when it was absolutely necessary.

 

Han had regarded her with sad eyes at the disbelief she was being trusted and encouraged to enjoy a luxury denied her for so long. She couldn’t look at the weighted brown that softened before her, it reminded her far too much of-

 

_No. No we’re not going down that road._

 

She didn’t allow herself the comparison and before it could best her defences, Rey had released the foot pedal and set straight for the road. Grateful for leaving behind her overalls, she relished in the slipstream of wind that sailed through the thin white thin cotton of her T-shirt and the thinner material of her jeans was a comfortable fit over the leather saddle.

 

Despite it being early morning, it was obvious by the sticky heat that it was going to be a punishing day but with the bike and the oncoming breeze that lashed against her, the beads of sweat across her skin dissipated faster then they could form. She had also decided against her usual styling of buns and settled for a half down, half up style instead. It seemed pointless taming her hair into three stacks, just for them to be assaulted by the oncoming force.

 

Sails of chestnut twisted against the wind and despite her lack of helmet and breaking what was most likely several laws, with the ferocity the Falcon sped down the open stretch of tarmac, she knew there was no chance of getting caught. Freedom felt great and nobody was going to spoil that moment for her.

 

“Come on girl, show me what you’ve got”

 

The Falcon answered her challenge almost immediately to her commanding the throttle and kicking back the gear change lever. It wasn’t long until Rey had reached the road, that she had surveyed in Finn’s apartment only a week ago and she relished weaving between the standstill traffic.

 

She could see Finn’s apartment building in the distance and she reminded herself before leaving to drop by for a visit. As happy as she was earning her keep with Han in an environment she found more familiar, she missed him and Poe. With Han’s new found faith in her, she now had a means to visit them more regularly, but it would be several more hours until they finished work, so she had a few hours to kill.

 

Thankful for the nimble steering, Rey bobbed between several more cars before finding a suitable space to the side of the road. Parking on the main strip was evidently a daily battle as no sooner had she kicked back the foot peddle and leant back into the saddle, it was clearly evident she had pissed off several drivers who had claimed the spot for themselves. At least three of them white knuckled their steering wheels and one other, most likely mid phone call, began ranting about her to his dashboard.

 

She never believed herself to be a smug person but she couldn’t help the small salute that followed and with a soft pat on the dimpled leather of the bike’s saddle, she stole one final fleeting look back before joining the heavy throng of commuters and shoppers.

 

The chaos around her captivated her at every step; food vendors calling for her custom and the endless row of designer stores that Rey wouldn’t dare to step into. That was an adventure in itself and maybe one that would be more successful with Finn or Poe at her side. She was also adjusting to the new wardrobe Poe had kindly gifted her and designer outfits had no place in the auto shop.

 

Subconsciously rubbing the rough canvas of her converse against the back of her leg, Rey studied the heels displayed. More of a weapon than shoe, she could only imagine the look on Han’s face if she wobbled her way into the shop with them on. She could also imagine the sound he would make if she told him the price.

 

_Heels are another adventure that can wait._

 

Reluctantly releasing herself from the vice of the store front window and the intimidating red bottom heels that had drawn her from the heavy city current, Rey swivelled back to rejoin the main street before stopping short as she immediately crashed into the wall of another person’s chest.

 

“Oh shit, sorry- I’m so sorry” She babbled into the evidently designer material of their suit.

 

A sickly overbearing smell of aftershave hit her senses first soon followed by the jolt of fingers gripping her just below the elbows as if to stable her footing. The touch bordered on painful and as Rey looked up to see just exactly who she had bumped into, the thin smile the gentleman before her wore, did nothing to settle her apprehension.

 

His fingers released on her and the smile curled further “My, you are a pretty thing”

 

“Um- thanks”

 

Rey tried to look everywhere but the stranger before her. Yet the alarming red of his hair had been enough just to steal a second of her focus and that appeared to be all he needed. The compliment had been uncomfortable and her body prickled with gooseflesh, an alarm to the situation it desperately shouted at her to leave. It reminded her all too much of the kind of customers Unkar drew in and she always made sure to stay out of sight when they visited.

 

The stranger still hadn’t moved or allowed her a comfortable distance to relax and Rey could feel the display window pressed against her back. He had caged her and the frantic rush of life around them were far too occupied to notice.

 

He looked just above her head and smirked at the heels that had fascinated her. A small tut escaped the repulsive smirk he wore and her fist itched to strike it from his face.

 

_Give me an excuse asshole._

 

“I can see why you were such a distraction”

 

“I’m sorry but have we met?”

 

“Oh, I must have mistaken you for somebody else” He murmured in an overbearing accent that did no favours in masking the false sincerity. “I apologise for the confusion and I will make sure to look where I walk in future and not be so.. distracted”

 

A nervous laugh escaped her and slowly she side stepped back to the safety of pedestrian traffic. Maybe all suit wearing men who live in the city, border on creepy and if it meant giving him the benefit of the doubt by adding distance between them, then that’s what she would do.

 

“Anyway, once again, really sorry for bumping into you -like really, really sorry. I should probably get back to my boyfriend. He’s waiting for me you see and I’m already running late so-”

 

She winced at her own lie and the pathetic way she sang it. She was lying, she knew she was lying and by the way his smile broadened, he knew she was lying. But denying him the chance to comment or act on his desire to unarm her further, Rey turned back in to the street and tried to add as much distance between them as possible.

 

“Boyfriend? Oh that will break Ben’s heart”

 

Immediately she rocked against the violent barrier his words had created. Her body screamed against his verbal restraints, while her senses begged for her to run in the opposite direction, in any direction, as long as it was as far from his as possible but her desperation for answers kept her rooted to the spot.

 

“I-I have no idea what you’re tal-”

 

The words collapsed against the hard exhale she released as her eyes met the sadistic mirth that had contorted the line of his lips. The look he gave her in that moment and the realisation that this was no coincidence swung in the gallows of her stomach and it only curled his smile further.

 

His charade had ended.

 

“Hello Rey” 

 

_Shit._

 

His hand curled around her wrist, the grip had been punishing until Rey rotated and connected her fist into his face with such ferocity she could hear the crack of his nose behind it. Her knuckles protested immediately with a searing heat that shot through her arm but with the immediate release of his hand, she stole her chance and bolted into the herd of people around them.

 

Finn’s apartment was a faint sanctuary in the distance, if she could just reach there or at least reach the Falcon she had parked a little further down, she could make her escape. People parted before her and shouldering past the ones who didn’t caused her to turn her head and shout an apology, until she noticed that despite the blood pouring from his face, he had remained very much on her tail and was closing in the distance _fast_.

 

Her chest tightened with the rising panic and the ferocity at which she was covering the street. She knew she would have to lose him before she reached Finn’s apartment and her head spun in every direction to find the perfect opportunity, until spotting a busy market situated in the branches of narrow streets between the main road.

 

It was tight and full of people but it would be the only opportunity to lose sight of her. She could hide if she needed to and blending with people couldn’t be any different to hiding in the hollows of scrapped cars.

 

Without indication she cut a harsh left into the side street and sprinted into the bustling market alleyway. Traders shouted for her to sample foods, clothes, jewellery but it was all white noise in her panic and slowing her pace to a fast walk, Rey hoped she had blended in enough.

 

A flash of red hair in her peripheral spun her in the opposite direction. He had lost sight of her for now, but he had seen her turn from the main street and by the thunderous look that had settled on his face, his enjoyment had long ended. Her panic in putting further distance carried her into the closest branch of alleyways and her heart all but stopped there when she realised she had ended up in a row of market stalls that had finished with a dead end.

 

“Fuck what am I going to-”

 

“Miss! Yes you Miss! Would you like to try on our newest collection of handcrafted jewellery. We have the finest Haysian Smelt necklaces and- Hey! Hey what are you doing?!”

 

Hopping the counter in one fluid movement, Rey crouched against it and before the bewildered shop girl could question her further, she faltered and stared at her with concern.

 

“Miss uh- is everything okay?”

 

“You see the man at the bottom of the street? With the fancy suit and bloody nose?”

 

“The scrawny ginger guy?”

 

“Yeah that one! He’s my ex and he cannot see me, please it’s really important that he doesn’t know I’m hiding here”

 

It was a lie, but how could she explain a situation she barely understood herself.

 

“Shit he’s coming over”

 

“What?! What do you mean-”

 

“Hi sir, can I interest you in this handcrafted range of jewellery, all Haysian Smelt of course and every piece has been crafted by my own sister’s hand”

 

Rey’s palm closed on her mouth, muzzling every pant her sprint had created. He stood directly above her and although she couldn’t see him, she recognised the overbearing aftershave he had doused himself in.

 

Rustling on the counter and the metal chink of jewellery being manipulated above indicated he had leaned in to expect the girl’s work.

 

_He knows you’re here._

 

“See anything you like Sir?”

 

He scoffed at her words “I have no interest in tat. This looks as if a child has made it”

 

The girl’s smile fell with scorn as she caught the necklace he tossed at her and as her head turned to follow him, Rey relaxed against the wood cabinet of the counter and released the hold around her legs.

 

“I can see why he’s your ex. Did you do that to his nose?”

 

Stretching from her cover, Rey watched the faint red of hair turn the corner and continue down the next branch of narrow street.

 

“I- I um well-”

 

“Because if you did, I don’t blame you, that guy is an asshole! You can do so much better”

 

They laughed together and Rey appreciated the kindness that crinkled the dark of the girl’s eyes. She pinned back a lock of black behind her ear and stretched her hand out towards her.

 

“Paige”

 

She warmed to her instantly and her hand fell quickly into hers without question.

 

“Rey” She smiled “I should probably head back before he returns. Thanks for everything”

 

“Always here to help, but with the way he was nursing his nose, I don’t think you’ll need it” Paige winked before settling the necklace back on the display. “See you round Rey”

 

_That was too fucking close._

 

The comedown of adrenalin throbbed through her body and she had managed to wobble to the end of the alleyway she had trapped herself in. He would most likely have ended up back on the main street waiting for her by now, so her only option was too continue further into the madness and hope it branched back out somewhere she recognised.

 

The second alley was busier than the first and the delicious smells that rumbled from the back kitchens of restaurants cut between the market stalls, had caused the nervous dry of her mouth to moisten. She had reached about halfway down the strip of narrow side street until her body froze rigid to the spot. That familiar red and impatient scowl clocked her in the distance and despite the thick crowd between them, Rey knew at a sprint he could reach her in seconds.

 

Without faulting, Rey swung in the opposite direction and sprinted back through the alley. It appeared he had struggled to pass through a heavy stream of tourists that had conveniently placed themselves between them and she could just faintly hear the colourful language he screamed at them.

 

The main street was just in view, just one last stretch and she could reach it and get to Finn’s apartment before he had the chance to recover himself.

 

It was just in reach but the sudden brute force around her waist tugged her violently to the right and into a dimly lit back alley. The strength had been enough to wind her and her head screamed at how he managed to flank her so fast. It had only been a second but immediately she struggled free and in one final attempt to escape, she threw a punch that would be sure to blacken both of his eyes.

 

Her fist angled higher then it had the first time and before Rey could doubt her memory, a firm hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping the trajection as if it had been weightless. Another pinned her waist, trapping her free hand between her back and the wall. It was hopeless to think she could struggle from the vice.

 

Her eyes travelled from the wall of his chest, that even underneath a black dishevelled suit with buttons popped, was evidently taut and broad with muscle before meeting his eyes. They were crazed, pupils blown as if he was a predator hunting for a kill but the hunger behind them had been one Rey had seen before. She had always thought them to be brown but the spike of adrenalin from their chase had deepened to something akin to ink. He scanned her all over, as if he was marking ownership and his head had dipped into a distance so close, her lips pulsed with the muscle memory.

 

“I like your hair like this”

 

“Which name am I supposed to use now?” She winced at the pathetic pant she had released instead of the spitting disgust she had hoped for.

 

He still had her pinned to the wall and despite the increase of pressure he palmed into her waist, his face softened into something that Rey knew was all too dangerous. How could she hate him when he looked at her like that?

 

“I want to hear you say it” He murmured, hot against her neck. The baritone of his voice travelled down the canal of her throat and heated somewhere deep inside her. Killing her would be a mercy compared to the assault of sensation charging every nerve end in her body right now.

 

“Say it” The staccato and the heat of his breath licked at her neck once more.

 

The traitorous friction of her thighs pressing together for any semblance of relief caused her breath to rasp and his eyes immediately snapped to the tremble of her lips. It had been enough to best her and before she could even fight to regain some control; the name rolled from her lips as if she was in worship.

 

“Ben”

 

She only hoped it still held some belief.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowwwwww I let myself get really rusty huh?! Thanks for returning after such a long break since the last one! 
> 
> I was pretty much close to finishing this chapter and wasn't far off posting it but recently I lost my Grandad and naturally the last thing on my mind was writing. It's been tough adjusting since he was the first father figure I had, he really was the Han Solo to my Rey and I wasn't expecting to say goodbye so soon. 
> 
> But very much like my Gramps, I couldn't leave a job unfinished so after a much needed rest, I opened up my laptop again and typed when small bursts of inspiration came through. I hope I did you guys proud and you're happy with the way the story is panning out!
> 
> Let me know on what you think might happen next! It's always exciting to see what theories you guys come up with! 
> 
> Have a wonderful Christmas and see you in 2019 with the next update and maybe a new fic that I've been working on! x


	13. I Feel It Too

* * *

 

**Chapter 13**

**I Feel It Too**

 

_I know that you don’t owe me,_

_and I shouldn’t ask for more;_

_I shouldn’t feel so let down,_

_all the times when you don’t call._

 

_What I feel, I shouldn’t show you,_

_so when you’re around I won’t;_

_I know I’ve not right to feel it-_

_but it doesn’t mean I don’t._

_\- Lang Lew_

 

* * *

 

“We can’t stay here. It’s not safe”

 

“H-How did you know where to find me?”

 

Rey knew she had never sounded as pathetic as she did now. She was a discredit to all strong women in this moment. She knew it, hell everyone around her would probably know it, if they weren’t secluded in the tightest alleyway in history. Yet the way Ben stared at her, as if finding her had been no different to defeating one of 12 Herculean labors;

 

Well, Rey had never felt more empowered.

 

He may have caged her against the wall, clawing at her waist in the most delicious of ways but Rey recognised the wild hunger in his eyes, it was practically feral and god would it be her undoing.

 

A deep vibration of breath crashed into her. It took all of her restraint not to jump him there and then. “I followed you”

 

The blunt delivery of his answer caused her to laugh nervously but even that collapsed as meekly as her restraint, which was barely clinging on at this point. His face was stoic until the corner of his lips teased at the corners; the sight of which caused her to nibble at her own. If chewing away the betrayal of her body prevented her from acting on the adrenaline of her escape, then she would tug at her lips until they bled.

 

Immediately his eyes blew wide, black and with an intensity so strong, it was as if he could scent the blood protesting against her teeth already indenting the soft tissue of her lips. He pushed further into her, his leg pinning between her thighs which were threatening to give way at any moment.

 

All she could do was swallow thickly and fight against the urge to rub against the rough of his trousers, stealing herself pleasure from the friction it would bring. He lowered himself dangerously close, his hand still pinning her wrist against the wall above her head and she felt the shiver that radiated through him. His hair tickled her neck and the heat of his breath licked at her lips as if he was coaxing her to open them.

 

She felt her eyes close, body and resolve unanimous of her want. He was a forbidden fruit but it was as if her body and mind were the serpent itself.

 

She would deal with living in the Eden of her guilt after she had sampled a taste.

 

“I’m going to let go of you now”

 

Her eyes snapped open. Her body immediately coiling tighter in protest as her lips trembled with the starvation of his touch.

 

“What?!”

 

He was smirking at her and god she wanted to wipe it off his face in the most depraved way.

 

“I need to get you away from here and right now I don’t trust myself around you”

 

_Oh._

 

Her head turned to the end of the alleyway and the thick crowd of people weaving ahead of it. All of them unaware of the narrow branch of back street she suddenly had no desire to leave. She had forgotten life existed outside of their moment together and the release of his hands against her was a painful awakening to reality.

 

Turning back to face him, she noticed the distance he had added, but even with the tight confines of the alley, her body still throbbed with greed. Maybe it would have been kinder to have allowed the redheaded stranger to apprehend her after all, surely there was no method of torture that could amount to this.

 

“Wait here” He ordered in a voice low and laced with dominance.

 

The minute he marched towards the end of the alleyway, Rey sagged against the wall. Her chest heaved and dragged in as much breath as her lungs could hold. She wished it had been from her effort in escaping but she knew the cause was far more dangerous.

 

“Holy shit” She muttered in a hard exhale of breath.

 

“I feel it too”

 

He whispered it barely, as if he was scared of the result his confession would bring. He had retreated back from the entrance of alleyway and all of the control he had possessed, in that grain of time between them, was no longer in existence. The ordeal had been a power struggle for them both and as he stood there, still several feet too far away for her liking, Rey noticed just how exhausted and defeated it had left him - how it had left her.

 

“I think we can get back to the street without being noticed” He murmured in a velvety whisper that caused Rey’s skin to sting with need. His hand stretched out in offering, the same large stretch of his palm that had locked her hip to the wall only minutes ago.

 

She regarded him and the invitation in his open palm. Several seconds too long for his liking because he swallowed heavily and took a step closer. 

 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me” His voice thick but unsteady. “But I need you to trust me”

 

Her mind flitted to the first night in his kitchen, holding her reclaimed loaf of bread and attempting to escape back to the junkyard undetected. So much has happened between then and now and yet here he was, with the same longing in his eyes but with the hint of something more.

 

_Regret._

 

“Please”

 

Her hand fell into his slowly. Her acceptance instantly tightened into his grip while his thumb stroked over each knot of her knuckle as if he couldn’t believe she had accepted.

 

“Follow my lead”

 

The thought of stepping back out into the network of backstreets was one that Rey expected to dread. Being in the open and not knowing what the next turn would bring should have scared her, but it didn’t. However the question of how he knew where to find her, was one that continued to dominate the forefront of her mind.

 

They navigated through several streets before the questions barrelled out of her mouth faster than she could stop them.

 

“Do you know the man that was chasing me?”

 

“Yes” He didn’t turn to look back at her.

 

“How did you know where to find me?”

 

He stopped abruptly at the junction off the main street and when he turned to face her, his eyes were heavy and thick with moisture.

 

“Because it was my fault Hux was chasing you”

 

“Hux?”

 

The name was familiar. Rey was sure she had seen it somewhere before. He growled at the name before his lips turned up at the corners

 

“Did you do that to his nose?”

 

Rey nodded as if preparing for a scolding but he only released a laugh that warmed her in a way she wasn’t expecting. He dipped his head close to her ear and she all but choked back the whimper that was desperate to escape.

 

“Remind me not to piss you off”

 

He retracted back to a safe distance between them. The muscles in his neck rolled with a hard swallow and Rey could only smirk at the thought that he was just as affected as she was.

 

“This way” He pulled her hand until he couldn’t anymore. Rey stood fixed to the spot and watched him spin as they returned back on the main street that she had originally hoped to explore.

 

“Rey?”

 

“My bike” She explained as if it was answer enough.

 

His eyebrows reached a height she didn’t think possible. “ _Your_ bike?”

 

She squared her shoulders but he was grinning at her with challenge and god if the tension in the alleyway wasn’t enough to be her undoing, this certainly was.

 

“The bike that you stole?” His jaw strained under the smirk. He was daring her to fight back. He was begging for her to give it as good as she got and who was she to deny herself the challenge?

 

“I think you mean rescued and repaired”

 

He closed the distance between them. Towering above her, Rey would have thought it to be intimidation but with the way his eyes were alight with amusement, she was determined not to collapse under the returning betrayal of her body.

 

‘Is that so?”

 

She pushed herself up as high as her toes would allow. His eyes widened traitorously with panic before he recovered himself. At this height they were level and she found her eyes roaming from his lips, along his jaw and across the peppering of moles that complimented his face. When her eyes fixed back to his, they held her with a hunger so intense, his pupils had all but disappeared.

 

If Ben wanted to play dirty, Rey was determined to show him how the game was won.

 

“You should thank me you know”

 

She was lying, but he didn’t know that. After all it was Han and Chewie that had fixed the Falcon properly and if that wasn’t bad enough, she knew she would have to tell him that she was working for his father at some point. Hopefully her resolve would kick in by then and she would stop the inevitable car crash of, whatever this was going on between them, from happening.

 

But god he was smirking at her in that way that made all the muscles in her body constrict and the heat that pooled at her core was a sensation unlike any other. His jaw was wound tight with amusement and it took all of her fight not to use her mouth, in any way she could, to loosen it.

 

“I intend to”

 

_Fuck._

 

Even in the middle of chaos, surrounded by a continuing flow of human traffic, he commanded the intimate moments between them. It was as if everything and everyone was a mirage of existence.

 

His thumb stroked the inside of her palm with a firmness that travelled to her core and Rey refused him the satisfaction of the whimper she wanted to release.

 

She feigned a cough and dragged him the opposite direction. “I parked the bike just down the road”

 

She held his hand the entire way and when doubt would creep into her mind that she didn’t need to anymore, because the threat had long gone, his grip would tighten when he felt hers slip away. It toyed at something deep within her and she knew it wouldn’t make the inevitable any easier.

 

_Get out while you can. It’s not too late._

 

Rey was spiralling and she wasn’t quite sure how to stop it. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to.

 

“Did you ride this without a helmet?”

 

Rey squirmed at the low thunder in his voice. He regarded her cautiously and when she went to sit on the saddle, his arm snaked around her waist and pulled her back as if she weighed nothing.

 

“Hey! What are you d-”

 

“Do as your told and get on the back”

 

“So you can ride it without a helmet, but I can’t?”

 

“Rey, get on the back or so help me god I will put you on there myself”

 

He raised his eyebrows until they disappeared into the thick of his hair. Compliance was never a trait Rey was associated with and she teased her lip at the temptation to resist.

 

Lowering himself onto the bike, he watched every impression her teeth had left on the bed of her lower lip. He revved the Falcon hard and Rey jumped at the roar drumming against the metal exhaust.

 

“Don’t make me ask you again”

 

Reluctantly she complied. Wiggling longer then necessary on the back of the saddle until she was more than comfortable.

 

“Good girl” He hummed in an appreciative tone so low that it should be deemed a sin.

 

Coiling her arms around his waist, she felt him shudder at the contact of her chest pressing against the flat of his back. That was the second time that day she found herself grateful for the thin cotton of her T-Shirt and some primal part of her hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Pulling away with ease, Ben bobbed and weaved between traffic with a fluidity that Rey didn’t expect from a man of his build. It was impressive and she made sure to observe his technique.

 

He turned his head slightly, so his cheek pressed against the side of her head that she had leant across his shoulder. She felt the tension in the muscle as he smiled at the contact.

 

“You need somewhere to lie low until it’s safe. An old friend owes me a favour”

 

Coming to a stop at a red light, Ben’s hand stretched back towards her thigh and his fingers trailed patterns and silent apologies into the denim of her jeans. She hummed into the curl of his neck and it wasn’t until they pulled away once more, Rey wondered if she had felt the press of his lips on the side of her temple.

 

Whether it was a trick in the wind or not, Ben Solo was going to be the death of her and she only hoped he would would drag it out for as long as possible.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! I know I said the next update wouldn't be well into the new year but don't worry, I'm just surprised as you are! A small wave of inspiration hit me and I just let it take over. Somehow it ended up with me finishing a whole chapter in just a few hours! 
> 
> So with that, I hope you enjoyed this angsty, sexually charged mess of an update! They've finally reunited and I think I've mapped out the rest of the updates so it should end around chapter 15/16 if I don't get too greedy with the dirty details of their reunion. (But this is always open to change) 
> 
> Have a wonderful New Years and see you in 2019 x


	14. Torn Apart

* * *

 

**Chapter 14**

**Torn Apart**

 

_When internal demons wake_

_The cloth begins to fray_

_When the heart is torn apart_

_The stitches do not stay_

_The joints start to tear and break_

_Grow weak with weeping thread,_

_The engine now cannot start_

_One that was always dead._

_-Anonymous_

 

* * *

 

 

It was a shit hole. There was no polite term for it. Even with her eyes scrunched tight in protest of direct sunlight, there was no mistaking the sheer seediness of the building before her. Sure, it looked high end; the paint was fresh, the neon signs looked relatively new.

 

But that was exactly why Rey had her suspicions.

 

The neighbourhood surrounding it was a rundown network of bars, motels and questionable locals, who all likely had an affinity for gambling and drinking their body weight in liquor.

 

“Um.. Ben, where exactly have you taken me? Because I think we might have been safer in that dark alley”

 

He laughed, deep within his throat and the vibration soothed every nerve in her body. The entire ride over had been a process of compartmentalising her feelings and understanding that she couldn’t possibly act on it. Especially after everything that had happened.

 

Yet here she was- unravelling over the way he fucking _laughs._

 

“The owner is an old family friend. Don’t let the outside deceive you, it’s the perfect hiding place”

 

With that, the initial unease she had felt subsided. Was the owner a friend of Han’s? Rey couldn’t recall the building in any of the photo’s she had found. Was this an unconventional playground for a boy, whose ears had still yet to be grown into? - and despite all the inheritance and high end education, just wanted to be as rough around the edges as his father?

 

She regarded him, unaware, and staring at the front of the building. His face, an ever changing weather of emotions; Hurt, grief, regret _, fear._ It was all there before her; the same lost little boy in the photographs, a byproduct of a broken family and a privileged lifestyle he had come to resent.

 

The irony wasn’t lost on her.

 

Rey, forgotten in a system that had failed her, while Ben had been lost in the middle of a family that were too occupied to notice. Maybe they were more similar than she had thought.

 

That didn’t make her decision any easier. Once this was over and she no longer had to worry about Hux and why he was chasing her in the first place, she would return to the shop and forget it all. _Forget him -_ whether it split her to the bone or not.

 

He had made his choice, that night in his workshop and now it was time to make hers.

 

“Rey? Are you okay?”

 

He was staring at her- because she was staring at him, for far longer then what would be considered casual observation. She had been too far gone in her thoughts to realise he had rescued himself from his own first.

 

“Yeah I just-” A sigh escaped her. Finding the words was harder than expected. “It’s been a weird day”

 

“Yeah, this isn’t how I planned us seeing each other again”

 

_Planned?_

 

The admission caused her to teeter on the edge of her resolve. The simplest sentence, laced in a carnal tone of urgency and longing and the way his eyes softened - It was too intimate and she could have no part in it.

 

But _fuck_ she desperately wanted to.

 

However, he allowed her no time for a response. Grasping her hand, Ben guided her to the door. Her eyes flickered across the large neon sign one final time - instantly regretting doing so, as she was sure _Cloud City_ would be forever burned in neon pink behind her eyes.

 

“Ben, I have a bad feeling about this”

 

“Relax, this is probably the safest part of the-”

 

The door flew open, projecting a protesting drunk from it’s insides. Ben’s arm entwined around her, pushing her flush against his back. She couldn’t see much, except the groaning drunk now writhing on the floor.

 

Ben never looked away from the door. His arms hummed with a violent charge of tension.

 

A voice, rich and suave, carried from somewhere past Ben. She wasn’t exactly sure where.

 

“Ben Solo. You’ve got some nerve”

 

Ben gulped as if he was swallowing just that. “Uncle Lando”

 

Rey peeked around the edge of his barrier. It felt wrong imposing on _family,_ but she just couldn’t help herself. The tension was thick and she still couldn’t see the stranger in the doorway. If she craned just a little bit more she could just-

 

“It’s about time you grew in to those ears”

 

She paused. His body tightened and the back of his neck flushed a violent red, his ears most likely too if he hadn’t hidden his insecurity with thick jet hair.

 

Her hand squeezed his tight, ignoring all rational thought- that this, whatever _this_ is, could never go further.

 

“Isn’t it about time you stopped dressing like a seventies porn star”

 

_Shit._

 

There was silence. Ben’s back was iron rod, his fingers twitched in her palm.

 

Her voice was barely a whisper. “Ben, maybe we should just-”

 

A deep laugh rumbled from the door. Her chest throbbed with a dull ache as she exhaled a long breath, she hadn’t realised she had been holding.

 

_Are families normally like this?_

 

“You really are your father’s son, which means you probably need a drink”

 

Half chuckle, half sigh; he relaxed. “You have no idea”

 

“Come inside kid. Let me get a better look at my Little Starfighter”

 

Ben groaned as if in pain and Rey tried her hardest not to laugh. Reaching for her hand, she skipped back to his side and followed him step for step.

 

“ _Little Starfighter_?”

 

He winced before turning to catch her shit eating grin. The eye roll he gave her was impressive.

“Shut up”

 

“Oh, I didn’t say anything” She sang sweetly, following him up the steps and through the door. “Little Starfighter”

 

Immediately her eyes seized at the aggressive change of light. After a few seconds of adjusting, her mouth fell open and she quickly came to realise two things-

 

The first; the outside really did it no justice. The second; Uncle Lando had _style._

 

It was lavish, quilted booths of deep yellow velvet, furnished with a white glossy new age bar, stocked high with liquor and bottles that were far too high end for Rey to recognise. The junkyard was littered with cheap green and brown bottles, but she had never seen anything quite like this.

 

Her curiosity pulled her a few steps ahead and her fingers chased the rising bubbles in a tank infused pillar as the light inside bathed her with a soft iridescent glow. Ben had yet to move from the doorway and when she turned to see if his face had shared the same wonder as hers, she found that he had only been staring at her.

 

Eyes swallowed by pupils with something far darker than innocent wonder. His lip trembled traitorously, as if the battle of silence and confession had reached an impasse.

 

“Rey, there’s something I n-”

 

“Well hello, what have we here?” A voice, more velveted than the furniture, crooned from behind her and Ben rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath.

 

She couldn’t be sure but Rey was pretty certain it sounded like _here we go again._

 

A hand fell into her own and spun her on the spot. It was delicate, fluid and clearly a mastered art. It left her breathless and then she hesitated, her brow knitted with confusion.

 

_Uncle Lando?_

 

“Kid, why didn’t you tell me we had a guest” He smiled and she was sure he winked at her.

 

“I didn’t get much of a chance” He muttered, in a defeated grumble and Rey was sure he was pouting. “This is my _friend,_ Rey.”

 

He lingered on the word _friend._ The deep baritone of his voice wavering slightly as if the word burned hot in his mouth and he hated the very taste of it.

 

She refused to admit the feeling was mutual. _She couldn’t._

 

“You’re Uncle Lando?” Her voice was barely a squeak as it lacked the confidence of knowing exactly who was regarding her as if she was royalty. He certainly didn’t look like a relative of Ben’s.

 

“The very same. Lando Carlrissian” Her hand came to his lips. A featherlight kiss, bristled by the wire of his moustache, grazed across each peak of her knuckles. “At your service”

 

A blush creeped across her face and Ben must have seen the heat spreading across the back of her neck as he marched to her side and planted himself closer than usual.

 

His pout was far more evident when stood directly underneath the lowlight.

 

“Okay, that’s enough” He mumbled in a failed attempt at nonchalance.

 

Lando grinned between the two. Experienced eyes, which had probably seen more than it’s fair share of life, were alight with a knowing Rey had yet to understand.

 

“Do your parents know your here?” He smirked into his hand that had balanced on the tip of his chin “With a girl? I’m sure your father would approve. I certainly do.”

 

 _Another wink_. The man was unbelievably smooth and Rey couldn’t help but laugh. She also couldn’t believe Han was close friends with someone who couldn’t be any more different to him if it was possible.

 

That was also another issue she had suppressed. _Han. Ben’s father. Her boss._ How was she going to explain the last few weeks to him? How was she going to convince him to rescue his father from the bottom of beer bottles and sleepless nights in a rotted trailer?

 

They shared a stubbornness that could be considered endearing if it hadn’t caused such a violent separation of father and son. Both of them pretended they were better off and the lie had broken them both.

 

“I’m sure he would have approved of you cheating at Sabaac too”

 

Lando’s smile twitched and he released a low chuckle. He paced behind the bar and lined up three glasses. “I have no idea what you’re talking about kid”

 

Ben followed him towards the bar and Rey was quick to follow behind. Hoisting herself onto the barstool, that most likely cost more than a years worth of rations, she watched the game between the two men continue.

 

She was rather enjoying it and it appeared Ben was too. His smile was soft, subtle but _there._ His eyes alight with amusement and maybe there was more fondness for his past than he would allow himself to remember.

 

“I saw that stupid cufflink in your sleeve. It’s where you would hide the winning card”

 

Lando shook his head in defeat and laughed slowly and with a depth that couldn’t be misinterpreted as anything but pride. Pouring a sweet smelling Amber liquid into three separate glasses, he looked back up and gazed at the man before him.

 

“What’s Sabaac?”

 

The question came out just as quick as it had come into existence. Lando and Ben both ending their game simultaneously and turning to smile at her naivety for gambling- Not that she had ever owned anything of worth to gamble if she did.

 

“It’s a high stakes card game. You win the prize pot if you have a hand of cards equalling as close to twenty three as possible” Ben sipped into his drink, wincing at the sharp burn it brought.

 

“Come back and I can teach you how to play it sometime. Maybe even teach you how to beat me” Lando grinned into his drink, knocking it back as if it was water.

 

A warm feeling bloomed in her chest and Rey would have thought it to be the alcohol, had it not been for the fact the glass still remained untouched on the bar.

 

Grasping it between deft fingers, Rey smiled into her drink. “I’d like that”

 

“But I’m guessing you didn’t drop in, for the first time in years, for a quick drink and a game of Sabaac?” Lando’s voice low and full of concern, was also laced with something else. Evidently he was a man well experienced in being in trouble and that allowed him to read the situation they were in now.

 

Yet, Rey still had no idea why she was in the centre of it and why she was suddenly the prize trophy of a hunt she wanted no part in.

 

She assumed Unkar had tracked her down but she remembered Ben’s guilt in the alleyway not even an hour ago.

 

_“How did you know where to find me?”_

 

_“Because it was my fault Hux was chasing you”_

 

It didn’t make sense and Ben stared at her as if she was a constellation guiding him through the darkest of nights. Yet it was her, spiralling, lost and more alone than she ever thought she could be.

 

“We need somewhere to lie low until I know Rey is safe. I got her involved in something I shouldn’t of and I need-”

 

“Say no more. I have a suite, I barely use upstairs” Lando grimaced, sharing a silent understanding that she had been left out of. His face softened when he caught her own apprehension. “It’s yours for as long as you need”

 

“Thank you”

 

“Anything for you kid, you know that. Is there anything else you need, before I lock up the club and leave you to it?”

 

“Actually” Ben swivelled to Rey, his face tightening at the wide helpless plea for answers in her eyes. “Have you eaten today?”

 

 _That_ question was usually answered without hesitation. Her body, her survival instinct dominating all concept of manners and courtesy. Hunger drove her, motivated her, answered for her and when she wasn’t hungry in that moment, the fear of being so, continued to answer for her.

 

But for the first time in Rey’s life, she was scared for something else entirely. She remembered the sadistic smile of Hux mid-hunt, as if he drew tormented pleasure in every passing second of his chase.

 

Whatever was intended for her, falling to hunger would be a mercy in comparison.

 

* * *

 

“Here” A hot cup of coffee balanced precariously in her face. “This is all he had that isn’t alcohol” 

 

She accepted his gesture and although Ben was wearing a soft smile, since Lando had left them alone, the nerves had started to drain his skin of colour and the mug had trembled in his hands.

 

Maybe the alcohol wouldn’t be such a bad idea. This was the moment she had been dreading. What happened in the alleyway and the demands her body had made, could not be acted upon, even if they were protesting in this very moment.

 

Screaming, urging, begging her to just close the distance between him standing above her.

 

And with the way his eyes were darkening with each passing second, Rey wasn’t sure how much longer she could fight it.

“Please don’t look at me like that” It was barely a whisper, but the plea was there.

 

“Why?” His own was deeper but just as strained.

 

He was closer now. His fingers ghosted the denim grain of her jeans.

 

“You know why”

 

He stopped. Her skin felt colder for it now and the conflict between mind and body was just too much.

 

“Rey-”

 

“You hurt people, Ben. I don’t know who you are. Not really”

 

It was a painful sight- watching the light dim from his eyes and his body collapse into the barstool next to her.

 

They sat in silence for an eternity.

 

“I was eight years old when I got into my first fight” A whisper, now barely existed in the space between them. With the depth of his tone, Rey could hear every break in his voice and the brutal fight he put up to keep it going. “My parents called me a monster when they heard it took two teachers to pull me away”

 

He inhaled hard. His chest swollen with the painful drag of relief.

 

“I was twelve when I noticed my Dad flinch during an argument”

 

His eyes were slick with moisture and his voice was pained. Rey could only sit in silence. She couldn’t stop this. She needed to hear it just as much as he needed to speak it into existence.

 

“When I was sixteen, my parents sent me away. I begged them to let me stay” His voice strained, another hard sniff followed soon after. “But it was too late”

 

The impulse to touch him was too much. Just the slightest touch would be enough to satisfy her. Meshing her fingers with the tremble of his own or trail her touch across the shiver of his lips.

 

The urge was too great and yet her hands continued to sit dead in her lap.

 

“I got my first job soon after. When I told my Dad, he kicked me out of the house”

 

His bottom lip trembled. She knotted her fingers together to stop the urge to touch.

 

“I thought my parents would be proud of me. I thought it would be easy. At first it was meetings, errands, learning how the political system worked. But somewhere along the line, it _changed._ He was asking me to do deals that I knew I shouldn’t, hurt people who had threatened him but had done nothing to me. The power was addicting and the further I fell, the higher I climbed on Snoke’s chain”

 

His voice cracked and her resolve collapsed along with it.

 

“Ben-”

 

His hand rose to silence her. It was a silent plea.

 

“But then I found you.”

 

_Oh._

 

Dark burnished brown held onto the sudden snap of hazel. His lips tugged at the corners with warmth and it was the first he had smiled since they had been left alone.

 

‘ _You_ , a scavenger.” He continued. His eyes creased at the corners and the large span of his hand encased hers effortlessly. She would have snatched it away before- but now? Now she didn’t want to. Instead she found herself wanting _more._

 

“You were dripping from the rain, covered in engine oil and bruises. You were staring at me with a hatred I never thought possible.”

 

Flush crept along her cheeks. The embarrassment of her state radiated heat all over and when her eyes fell to the floor, he squeezed her hand until she returned to him.

 

“You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.”

 

His thumb trails fire across her bottom lip and the heat collects somewhere deep within her.

 

“After that I knew it would never be the same. You haunted me. Everyday.” His hand fell in defeat and Rey ached with the contact. “I didn’t see the danger it put you in”

 

“Ben?” Her voice cracked with the disuse, but the confusion was still there. It had been enough to pry his eyes from the distant thought he had fallen to.

 

“Rey, I wanted to leave so badly. I was ready to give it all up, then and there. _For you”_ His hand raked through the thick of his hair and Rey felt heat return to the pool of her chest once more. “But I can’t, because if I do he’ll-”

 

“Hurt me?”

 

He paled at the blunt detached tone of her awareness, before managing a small nod.

 

“Does Hux work for him too?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Rey snorted which only caused Ben’s brow to crease into a tight V. She silenced the urge to kiss it immediately.

 

“Figures.”

 

Leaning over the bar, she reached for the bottle of whiskey underneath it, completely rejecting the stone cold cup of coffee she had left untouched.

 

Effortlessly poured, she handed him a generous shot and kept the other to herself before holding it up towards him.

 

“To your freedom.”

 

Incoherent sounds escaped him while his eyebrows climbed up into the black canopy of his hair. Her glass still hovered mid-air waiting for him.

 

“Rey, you are not-”

 

“I’ve spent pretty much my _whole_ life being beaten around by some power drunk asshole. I think I can handle one more.”

 

Her glass chinked against his. He had yet to move it. She slammed back the amber liquid inside.

 

“So just shut up and drink it Solo."

 

* * *

 

It must have been her fifth, or was it sixth? shot of whiskey. The bottle was pretty much empty between them, when they had decided they needed to get some sleep.

 

Ben had visibly relaxed and Rey had intoxicated her subconscious into silence.

 

She was sated and numb but still sober enough to be in control.

 

But now when she looked at him, she found no reason, no protest, no urge to distance herself. She wanted to blame it on the alcohol but deep down she knew she was well and truly _fucked._

 

There was still good in him. Even when no one cared enough to find it.

 

They stood in the suite, in the narrowest corridor. Both in front of their respective bedroom doors opposite each other. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold out for. Especially with the way he was looking at her now.

 

A smile tugged at his lips, just barely at the corners but it was just _enough_ to not be misconstrued as a twitch. His fingers spread through the stray hair that had fallen across his eyes and she found herself studying the faded red scar across his profile.

 

It would be hypocritical to hate him because of Snoke. It had been her own choices that had caused Unkar to had brand him so violently.

 

“Did it hurt?”

 

They had been stood in silence for so long, the sound of her voice shocked them both. It was but a whisper, yet the room hummed as if it was lightening.

 

She pointed to her own eye, communicating her meaning.

 

“No.”

 

“Liar.”

 

A laugh, deep and velveted escaped him and it was hard to battle the smile that teased the corner of her mouth. The very mouth he was now staring at. Impulsively, he bit into his own and Rey almost fell apart there and then.

 

She was running out of excuses. He hadn’t earned her forgiveness yet, but Rey knew she wasn’t far off giving it.

 

“Can I touch it?”

 

An instant mistake. He crowded her against her own door and her neck ached against the awkward tilt to accommodate his height. His hand slipped into hers and he guided it to his face and across the taut red split across his eye.

 

If this was her attempt at trying to maintain boundaries, Rey was failing miserably.

 

Her hand fell to her side.

 

Evening sky tinted the corridor with an orange hue and before she could admire the shadow that danced across his lips, he stepped back to his own door and turned the handle.

 

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

The door clicked. She was alone in the hallway, spiralling and panting. Feeling for her own door, she padded in and collapsed face first onto the extravagant sized bed. A heavy sigh muffled into the rich cotton while simultaneously kicking her shoes off her feet that hung suspended over the side of the bed.

 

She shimmied out of the tight denim of her jeans. An impressive feat while she was still face down on the bed, trying to suffocate her shame with Egyptian cotton. Her exposed legs sung against the cold air that welcomed her.

 

A soft knock vibrated against her door.

 

The sound startled her from the bed to the centre of the room. Her T-shirt just about covered her and before she could even think about grabbing her jeans, another knock soon followed.

 

It didn’t matter now.

 

The handle was in her hand before she could fight it. The open door bathed her in soft orange. He silhouetted it perfectly.

 

Ben stood on the other side. He was panting, chest and shoulders heaving with each breath.

 

His eyes fell to her legs and even in the low light of the corridor, Rey could see his knuckles whiten by his side.

 

“This is a bad idea.”

 

“The worst.”

 

“I should go back to my room.”

 

“You should.”

 

It was fast. She wasn’t sure who moved first. Until their kiss was starved, desperate, and no where near enough.

 

They didn’t pull apart when he carried her through the door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. did I do good? Do you guys love me again? I may have got a little carried away with the slow-burn tag. (Just a little..) 
> 
> It's funny. The last few weeks have been some of the hardest weeks of my life and I've written more chapters in that time than I ever have before. It has been a really nice distraction and your feedback and comments have sometimes been the only thing that has kept me going. It takes me out of my world for just a short while and I can never thank you enough for that. 
> 
> I also decided after the last update that it was time to stop hiding in the shadows and join the Reylo community. So I've created a [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KahliiRen) for updates, mood boards and the hope that I can talk to you guys and make friends!
> 
> It's scary joining a community, especially one as vast and intimidating as SW. So please come say hello! 
> 
> Also I wanna say a big thank you to Uh_no_thanks for her amazing [drawing](https://twitter.com/UhNoThanksAnya/status/1080588707881578496) she did for my fic. She's crazy talented and she's done a whole load more for some other amazing fics out there! Please go check her out! 
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr [here.](http://karhli.tumblr.com)
> 
> Thank you for still sticking with me and this.


	15. Forgive Me

* * *

 

**Chapter 15**

**Forgive Me**

 

_Begging, pleading. Forgive me for all it is that i have done._

_I would say that i knew no better but i know for that would be false._

_And my lips can no longer speak of fallacies._

_I give myself unto you._

_Do what you will with me._

_I am yours._

_-Anonymous_

 

* * *

 

__

Her back hits the wall first.

 

Powerful, relentless and still not _enough._

 

The impact rocks the very column of her spine and the pain was just sweet enough for her to groan into the hungered kiss he had yet to return from.

 

He was greedy, taking everything she could possibly give. Desperate kisses peppered along her jaw, her neck - anywhere he could reach.

 

Nothing seemed to be enough.

 

Yet he groaned each time his lips reclaimed hers.

 

The taste was maddening, the sounds he worked out of her- _obscene_ and Rey never wanted to come back from it.

 

She couldn’t be sure she ever would.

 

He devoured her. Ravening hands squeezed at her legs, which hooked perfectly around his waist. Her back arches from the wall, allowing her just enough freedom to rock her hips against him.

 

It barely relieves the ache at her center, so she grounds herself down harder.

 

“Tell me you don’t want this.”

 

His fingertips dig divots into her thigh. Her vision whites out for only a second and she’s sure she can feel his impression bruising under her skin. His restraint does nothing except make her feel all too much and yet not enough.

 

“Say it-” His lips find hers. It’s chaste and quick. “And I’ll stop.”

 

He holds her still and the rivets of her back push against the wall.

 

_He’s giving her an out._

 

She refuses it.

 

Colliding against him; her mouth is fervent and punishing. He groans and her tongue immediately rushes the opening he has created for her. It’s deliberately slow - meticulous strokes that tease every corner of him. She feels her hair wrap around his fingers when he pushes back into her mouth.

 

A growl of frustration releases somewhere low from within him. Their position is limiting, his hands unable to roam.

 

_He wants more._

 

Her feet touch the floor. Ben seizes the new found freedom and immediately, large hands trail across her abdomen. The pads of his fingers push just the right amount of pressure and he captures every one of her moans with his mouth. His other hand rises the hem of her shirt up her stomach, revealing her underwear that is soused with arousal.

 

Fingers crash against the bank of her bra and within an instant, her shirt is balled in a punishing grip.

 

“This. Off. Now.” The demand is a staccato of kisses and nips at her neck.

 

Her shirt rises upwards. The tussle of material and cold air bite at the exposure of skin. She feels it fall somewhere by her feet.

 

He’s completely still. Hungered eyes roam across her body - mapping every soft edge which was once jaunt and sharp. She feels it as if he’s touching her. Her legs and hips which have toned exponentially so since their first meeting. A white sheer bra stretches across full breasts. He swallows hard when he spots the soft pink hardening underneath.

 

He pulls at the buttons of his shirt. Defined muscle and shadow peer between the partition.

 

His hands move to work on his belt. There’s a dull thud when it hits the floor.

 

“Turn around.”

 

Obediently she rotates on the spot. The heat of her breath rebounds off the wall. Somewhere behind her, Ben kicks off his shoes.

 

Then silence.

 

“Fuck.”

 

The air behind her shifts. The ghost of his fingers trail up her sides; the pressure of his nails barely scratch across her ribcage. He plants soft kisses along the bridge of her shoulder and Rey’s hand immediately crashes into the wall, her palm splayed wide to steady herself.

 

His lips brush against her ear.

 

“You are going to ruin me.” He pinches the clasp of her bra and the straps collapse immediately.

 

He pulls them downward. It’s painfully slow and she can feel his smile when he claims a small whimper deep within her throat.

 

She feels his absence by her ear until he begins to plant a column of kisses across her back. He works himself lower until he sinks to his knees and leaves warmth and moisture in the depression of her tailbone.

 

Large hands roam up the back of her legs. She jolts when he feels his fingers hook into the waistband of her underwear. They curl into the fabric and Rey holds her breath in the anticipation.

 

A sharp twist against the lace spins her. It’s sudden, aggressive and her back crashes against the wall once more.

 

Ben is kneeling before her. His face just inches away from _there_ and the intimacy causes the heat of his breath to collide against wet lace. 

 

“You are so-” He plants a kiss against her folds - full lips brush against the lace. “-Beautiful.”

 

She fists his hair in her hands.

 

“Ben-”

 

She can feel her underwear tighten in his grip. It trails down her legs and the residing dampness at her center throbs against the chilling exposure. The fabric pools at her feet and she feels him lift each one out, before tossing them somewhere across the room.

 

His gaze never leaves her. She begs him to finish what he’s started, but the plea only sounds like his name.

 

She tries again.

 

“Ben-”

 

He captures her ankle and hooks her leg over his shoulder. One arm coils around her thigh that rests against him, while the other presses into her pelvis. It’s barely a caress, yet somehow he drives her against the wall.

 

Every exhale crashes against the throbbing heat between her legs and Ben is _barely_ an inch from where she desperately needs him to be. He nips at the soft tissue of her thigh. He plucks broken sounds and pleas from her throat - it’s the confession she has fought this entire time - s _he’s wanted this all along_.

 

His nose skims just _there_ and he stares up at her with a promise to devour and claim every small part of her.

 

Her breath is ragged but the reverence is there.

 

“ _Please_.”

 

His tongue swipes against her center and the sensation is an immediate current that charges through every nerve end in her body. Ben releases a dark growl deep within his throat and the vibration hums through the most sensitive parts of her. Her fingers dance through his hair. She tugs _hard_ and the desperate sound he makes between her legs causes her to shiver against the building pressure.

 

“You taste - so - _fucking_ \- good.”

 

His tongue swipes slow, deliberate strokes across her clit. He repeats it again and again and again, until he has no choice but to add pressure against her pelvis to stop her from rocking greedily against his jaw.

 

Together in the dark confines of her room, they create wet, obscene sounds marred with the slick he desperately chases with his tongue. When he teases her entrance with a painfully slow flick, Rey sobs into her hand.

 

Ben builds an unrelenting rhythm. He toys at her clit, teasing and dragging wet arousal across the cluster of nerves. Her legs begin to shake and she can’t remember when it was exactly she started begging.

 

His mouth vanishes from between her legs and Rey releases a pained whimper when her climax devastatingly collapses.

 

His gaze devours her with a hungered awe - his lips coated in her arousal.

 

“Not yet.”

 

Ben rises from his knees, sliding up her body. The ache that he leaves behind is incessant and she thinks only one thing. - _My turn_. 

 

Determined hands grapple the open sides of his shirt and then she’s kissing him. Her tongue dips against his own, the very taste of herself causes her head to spin with an intoxicating rush.

 

His shirt becomes too much. She needs it off. He must sense this as she feels him twist and yank his arms from the sleeves. Her mouth dries at the sight of him and instantly, she advances from the wall and drives him backwards. She can feel him stumbling against her - his feet tangle against her own, until she’s driven him half way across the room and against the base of the bed that hits the back of his legs.

 

Effortlessly he hoists her in his arms. His hand coils around her throat with a delicious pressure - his teeth nip at her bottom lip and her back hits the bed before she can moan into his mouth.

 

From this position he towers above her. The menace of his gaze pins her there, just as if it was his own hands that trap her. His head tilts just a fraction and Rey can see it, right there behind his eyes - envisaging each and every way he can have her.

 

He drags out one moment into a thousand. The cotton sheets press against the sweat forming on her back. Her chest heaves with a desperate plea for release and her body shivers with the anticipation of what he’s deciding to do with her.

 

It’s meticulous, knowing and his hands begin to work at the opening of his trousers.

 

In one fluid motion, he frees himself. His boxers catch in the material of his trousers and Rey almost seizes at the sight.

 

_Fuck._

 

His size is unforgiving. Rey wonders how she will ever take it. 

 

The whimper barely escapes her when punishing hands grip her ankles and defiantly tug her down the bed.

 

“Look at me.”

 

She does so immediately and with that - he moves.

 

Instantly he’s on her. His hands paw, press and scrape. He reclaims her mouth with a summoning kiss and her chest swells with the deprivation. She can feel his hips grind against her and her only protest is to grab desperately at the bedsheets.

 

His hands roam across her breasts, as his mouth leaves searing kisses across her neck. He dips low into her collar bone - He nips at sensitive flesh across her chest. She yelps at the sudden jolt of his teeth teasing the hard bud of her nipple.

 

The intensity is unforgiving. His tongue rolls and flicks in a heated frenzy. The suffering is too much and Rey is sure she can come just from this alone - and _fuck_ does she want to.

 

She’s chanting -mumbling incoherent pleas against a returning kiss and she can feel a sinful smile against her lips.

 

“Ben, I need you too - Ah-”

 

He draws back from her, his eyes wide and determined to catch every detail of her face contorting and relaxing against the sensation. He doesn’t want to miss a second of her.

 

“How the hell did I find you?” His voice is full of awe and disbelief. The very sound of it causes her back to arch and press her further into his chest.

 

She grinds against him. She can feel the twitch of his erection pushing against her, the pressure is nowhere near enough and Rey releases a frustrated sob into his neck.

 

“Ben. Please - I need-” She feels his hand travel south. Her chants collapse with a choke.“I need-”

 

The pad of his finger teases the throbbing pulse at her entrance.

 

“I need-”

 

Effortlessly he slides them inside her.

 

_This. She needs. This._

 

A sharp inhale seizes her chest and he immediately adds a second. She clamps around him and before she can cry out against the newly discovered fullness, Ben’s fingers begin to move.

 

He builds a furious rhythm. _In, out and in once more._ The heel of his hand cups her just _there_ and Rey rocks against it with a feral desperation.

 

“You’re so fucking wet, Rey.” He grits out before swallowing her moan with a kiss. “So - fucking - tight.”

 

His fingers curl and crook into her wall and when she feels the warm stroke of his tongue against her clit, her legs begin to shake with betrayal.

 

Unforgivingly, he laps at her - tightening a coil painfully deep inside her. He swirls at the pink flesh of her entrance, the combination of their fluids creates a salacious sound against his lips.

 

She’s _so_ close.

 

His fingers work and pull desperate pleas from her throat and when her head lifts from the covers, she finds his eyes, blown and wild, staring straight at her.

 

“Ben- I’m going to - _fuck_ \- Ben-”

 

She feels the vibration of her name against her clit. It travels down his fingers, like lightening to metal and Rey can’t fight the climax that rips through her body.

 

Tears sting her eyes. Her mouth falls open with a silent cry. She can feel his weight shift but her body is still succumbing to the aftershock. Its an ecstasy unlike no other, a high she will forever chase and her entire body sings around his fingers still hooked deliciously inside her.

 

Rey opens her eyes to find him inches from her face. He pierces her with a possessive hunger but she can see the wonder that infuses the black behind them.

 

“ _That_ belongs to me.” He hisses, claiming her orgasm for himself.

 

The comedown is heavy and her hand sways slightly when she holds the two fingers she had taken so well. He watches her questioningly until she takes them deep in her mouth, cleaning off every trace of her orgasm. His mouth parts and her tongue twirls across each tip with a deliberate slowness. She releases him with a loud pop and Ben stares at her as if she is the universe itself.

 

An aggressive kiss cages her against the bed, the sounds that escape her are unrecognisable against his mouth. Her hands push between the compression of their stomachs and he immediately stills when she grips around him. She tests him with a slow deliberate pump of her hand and his teeth clench and grind against the torment.

 

“Fuck - _Rey.”_

 

“I need to feel you.” She rasps. “Please-”

 

She can feel the low hum her words create. It rolls in waves across his body and he twitches hungrily in her hand.

 

“Do you want me to fuck you like this?”

 

“Yes!” She chokes on the breath. Their position lacks the deepness he withholds from her and she whines at the offering.

 

“Do you have-”

 

“Yes!” She silences him immediately. Now was not the time to explain that Unkar had forced her to get the implant years ago. It’s only sole purpose was to keep her working continuously.

 

It had never been a benefit to her - until now.

 

He holds her there against the bed. Softening eyes that regard her with a worth she never thought she deserved.

 

“Ben - _please_.”

 

The whispered plea collapses when he sinks into her.

 

Her chest heaves immediately with the pressure. The searing pain is exquisite as he tests and stretches every part of her. She whimpers his name with each incessant inch that sinks deep within. His own breath is rattled as if he is battling against her tightness and when he finally seats himself fully inside her, he brushes a kiss against her temple.

 

It’s intimate - soft and with a silent understanding that they will never be the same again.

 

“My little thief” He whispers into her hair. “You take me so well.”

 

She keens at the first sharp thrust he drives into her. He teases her with a deliberate slowness that tests every inch of her. He thrusts again, deeper this time and she sobs when she feels him retreat, only to sink back into her and smear her arousal all along his length.

 

Rey can hear herself begging for more. Somewhere far in the distance, as he eases himself into her once again.

 

Their fingers intertwine, her legs greedily wrap around his hips and her feet find stirrups in the dip of his back. The burning ache fades into something far more dangerous and every convulsion is replaced with the delicious sensation of his cock dragging against her walls.

 

“I can take it.”

 

“Rey-”

 

“Don’t hold back. Give it to me.”

 

Ben swears under his breath and her breath catches when he thrusts into her with more force. It’s a fullness Rey has never experienced. There was no part of her that remained untouched. He filled her completely and Rey knew she would never get over just how _right_ it felt.

 

He invades every part of her. The air is thick with the confessional scent of their crime and he marks his claim across her skin with blooms of red flush across her chest. He thrusts deeper when she greedily moans for more. The sound of skin and remnants of her orgasm shout across the room and it mixes with the low growl he releases, when her nails puncture the rolling muscle of his back.

 

She can feel herself climbing towards a heavenly climax. Her walls flutter around him and the building cadence almost grinds to a complete halt. The refusal is maddening and his hips gyrate against her with torment.

 

“Look at you. _So close._ ”

 

He’s teasing her and the smirk that twitches the corner of his mouth only pisses her off more.

 

Deliberately, she drives herself down against him with an aggressive ferocity. He stills, hissing at the sudden rush of pleasure that threatens to end him far too soon.

 

Her legs constrict with purpose and when her hands catch his, Rey pushes with a newfound strength. The movement is sudden, catching him unaware and allowing Rey to effortlessly roll him onto his back.

 

She straddles him, their contact still yet to be broken and her eyes are alight with an awakening he has ignited within her.

 

Her back arches with the new found deepness. Her increasing arousal sweetens the pinch just enough for her to flex her hips against him. The sensation causes a sharp hiss between his teeth and although she is no physical match for him, he stills beneath her.

 

His eyes never leave her face. He holds her there with wide desperation that idolise her claiming every inch of him deep inside her.

 

“I want you to remember this.” Her voice is unrecognisable.

 

Rey’s hips flick and he immediately unravels with a low growl. It takes all of her restraint to stop her building a maddening grind against him there and then.

 

She drags across his length with a delaying snap once more and his fingers bruise punishingly into her sides. He bucks his hips upwards and her head rolls at the feel of him stretching her wider.

 

Their pace begins to build, a continual power struggle that chases her to the peak of her climax and when she feels his hands palm and squeeze her ass, Rey decides to slam back against him.

 

The desired result is instantaneous. He curses loudly and the hair that dances over his eyes, begins to stick against the sweat beading across his forehead. His hands work at her with an unmatched frenzy and her breath hitches in her throat when he effortlessly sits forward and presses himself against her.

 

The new position is more intimate - _deeper._ A soft kiss muffles her moan. His lips coax and tease until something inside her snaps.

 

Unforgivingly, she rocks and bounces against him with an unmatched fervency and it causes Ben to claw at her back desperately. His mouth works across her chest and he releases her nipples with a wet sounding pop, as his fingers tug into her hair.

 

A familiar tightening creeps through her. The indicators of an earth shattering climax shake her legs clamped around his sides and her hips stutter against him. The vulnerability terrifies her, yet she chases it to the very end.

 

“My perfect girl.”

 

It’s barely a whisper. The heat of his breath caresses the thin skin constraining her maddening pulse. Yet the combination of his words and the powerful thrust he matches below her, is exactly what pushes her over the edge. Her entire body crests with a satisfaction that explodes at her center. His name leaves her lips somewhere in between, yet her climax has carried her to a height she cannot hear it from.

 

He watches her - soaking up every second of it. His eyes darken and she can feel his cock twitch inside the sensitive aftermath of her orgasm.

 

“Mine.” He murmurs against her jaw.

 

“Yours.” She affirms.

 

An animalistic growl of satisfaction erupts from the depth of his throat. She feels his grip punish her sides and she knows all too well the bruises it will leave.

 

They had yet to form and she already knew it would be her favourite set.

 

Suddenly he twists them until she’s flat against the bed. He rises to his knees and tugs her hips into his lap. She’s spread out before him, glistening against the darkness with sweat and her own spend. His grip imprisons her into his lap and with a sharp inhale of breath, Ben drives into her.

 

The deepness is unlike any other and despite the waves of her own orgasm still rolling through her, he continually strikes that spot within her that makes light explode behind her eyes.

 

He picks up a punishing rhythm once more - _until he can’t_. His strokes become sloppy and his breathing shreds through the tight clamp of his jaw and Rey knows he is close.

 

It takes several more deep thrusts, when her name is a broken cry into her collarbone and she can feel him pulsing inside her. His spend fills her with heat and Rey sighs at the feel of it.

 

He smothers her with hard muscle and she feels his nose nudge at her cheek. She aches with a protesting emptiness when he pulls out from her.

 

They lie facing each other. Legs tangled, while curious fingers trail and explore over sensitised skin. Heavy eyes stare at her with wonder.

 

His hand catches her chin and tilts her to look at him. “Did I hurt you?”

 

“No.” Her lips tug into a sated smile.

 

He kisses into her hair before tugging her against his chest and encasing her in a wrap of muscle and sweat. She sighs against his skin and her eyes begin to grow heavy with sleep.

 

A deep yawn escapes her. She feels the bedsheets soothe her skin - and she just about catches the words he murmurs into her hair before sleep takes hold.

 

“Don’t leave me.”

 

* * *

 

A soft pastel yellow spilling through sheer curtains, coaxes Rey to stir from sleep. 

 

Sleeping in a bed was no longer a novelty to her. She had adjusted to the foreign concept of rich cotton sheets and a soft mattress. But when she feels the warm marble of Ben’s arm wrapped around her, pushing her back flush against his chest - Rey realises that she will never get over _this._

 

She rolls over to face him - he’s still sleeping deeply and Rey takes the opportunity to study every small detail of his face.

 

His mouth twitches at the corners and a small V forms between his brows when she presses the ghost of a kiss against his lips. Her nostrils flood with the ethereal scent of their secret against his skin. She can feel the ache and dried remnants of his spend between her legs, when she flexes and tests them.

 

She entertains the temptation of staying in bed with him for just a little while longer, but she can feel the beginnings of hunger cramp her stomach. Carefully, she peels herself from underneath Ben’s arm - he stirs slightly before his face relaxes and mumbles something close to her name in his sleep. 

 

With as much grace as her aching legs would allow, Rey collects her clothes littered across the room. Normally she wouldn’t entertain the idea, but she couldn’t risk startling Lando with more than just a casual ‘ _Good morning’._

 

She tugs at her jeans unenthusiastically and alters her T-shirt several times to conceal the purple bruises of Ben’s mouth across her chest and collar bone.

 

She had assumed she would feel ashamed _after._ But Rey only feels an unexpected calm. She watches him from the bed - his chest rising and falling with deep sleep, remembering the vivid details of everything that had taken place before.

 

The sight definitely stirs something within her and when she makes her way downstairs, Rey realises that whatever she is feeling - it is far from _shame._

 

A soft content hum escapes her and the top of the bar drags across her palm when she passes it. The club is shrouded in darkness. Lando most likely still asleep in his own bed or somebody else’s.

 

But the distinctive sneer of a voice behind her, snaps her spine straight with fear.

 

“Sleep well?”

 

She grits her teeth, turning to meet his cold gaze.

 

He’s sat there. - leaning into one of Lando’s plush velvet chairs. His legs are crossed with an arrogant decorum and his hands rest atop the arms.

 

 _Then she see’s it._ Twirling the hilt of a dramatic dagger between his fingers. It’s eccentric but he drives home the threat by adding pressure and splitting the material with ease.

 

“I can’t say I have, ever since you came along and made him _soft.”_ He spits the last word as if it was venom on his tongue.

 

“You don’t scare me.” The lie seizes her throat.

 

“ _Pity,_ because I will not hesitate driving this into your pathetic boyfriend upstairs.”

 

The dagger twirls with a purpose in his hand. It pulls at the yellow threading and the pit of her stomach knots as if she can feel it.

 

“ _Go fuck yourself.”_

 

“Tsk tsk. Such bad manners.” The sharp metal twirls with an added frenzy and he smiles at the retracted light against her face. “I think it would be in your best interest to make this easy for the both of us.”

 

Her hand dances behind her. Grappling desperately at nothing until her hand falls around a half empty bottle. His eyes catch the movement and he releases a deep sigh before rising from his seat.

 

“Very well. The hard way it is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. does anyone have a cold drink? Because bloody hell I need one. 
> 
> I have never written smut before and I know what you're thinking - it shows! I tried really hard to get this right after building it up with 14 painful, angsty chapters! I'm also pretty sure I've panicked about uploading this 500 times today so I really hope you guys loved it. 
> 
> I ask only one thing - Please drown me with feedback to improve in the future! Because god knows I need it.
> 
> So please come say hello on [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/KahliiRen) As lovely as my 5 followers are (twitter bot included) it would be great to talk to more of you! This community is amazing and I can't to see more of it! You can also find my [Tumblr](http://karhli.tumblr.com) here! 
> 
> And as always, thank you for your comments, kudos and everything else in between. You guys are amazing x


	16. Ben?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go guys! Part one to the end of Break In!! Thank you to every single one of you for helping and motivating me to continue my first fic. It should have ended in 5 chapters but here we are, 16 chapters down the line. 
> 
> Thank you for helping me fall in love with writing all over again. So make a hot drink, grab a snack and get cosy. I'll see you on the other side.

* * *

 

**Chapter 16**

**Ben?**

 

_No, men's hearts are like bombs_

_Which so easily explode_

_Once the pin is removed_

_All past wrongs will re-load_

 

_So the prey becomes hunter_

_When the tiger attacks_

_For he does not want her_

_To see what he lacks_

                                                        _\- Alyssa Underwood_

 

* * *

 

 

Harsh morning light is what stirs Ben unwillingly from sleep first.

 

The second is his hand reaching across the bed to pull her back to his chest and finding nothing but empty sheets. Immediately his eyes snap open. _She’s not there,_ \- the lack of her warmth and the ethereal scent of their secret has long faded and Ben didn’t need to look around the room to work out why.

 

Her clothes he had scattered like art across the floor— gone. The door he had kicked closed behind him, when he carried her into the room, was now wide open.

 

It was subtle details but deep down he knew the truth. Yet that did nothing to lessen the blow.

 

Rey had left him. Revealing the most vulnerable parts of himself had been enough to make her _want_ to leave. - And that was exactly what hurt the most. _She still wanted to leave._

 

His legs swung defeatedly from the bed and his hands rubbed along the beginning of stubble against his jaw. He couldn’t remember putting last night’s clothes back on or heading down the stairs and straight to the bar. Some small part of him had hoped she would be there waiting for him. Her legs swinging from the bar stool like it did all those weeks ago in his kitchen. A spoon balancing delicately from her nose and the softest of smiles that lit up every dark untouched part of him.

 

He would wish her good morning. The bridge of her nose would pinch in just _that_ way when she smiled at him and he wouldn’t hesitate to close the distance and taste the morning coffee against her lips. He would fight the temptation to have her against the bar and instead settle for carrying her back to bed.

 

He had hoped, but it only left him sat on the bar stool, he imagined to find her on, a _lone. -_ always _alone_.

 

Snoke had taught him that love was a weakness - a scourge to a man’s strength. But Rey was anything but a weakness. The absence of her on the other hand? Well that was enough to finish him entirely. His parents had cast away the monster he had allowed himself to become.

 

And Rey backed it into a corner with just one look.

 

 _So no, -_ Snoke was not chasing a weakness. He was _running_ from it.

 

There was a sudden rush of movement through the doors behind him. The draft hit the hunch of his back and the hope immediately launched him from the bar. It was as if he was reliving that first night in his kitchen. When he spun from the door and saw her.

 

His thief.

 

_Rey._

 

“Ben.”

 

The hope is stolen from him once more and his body stiffens at the aged stranger before him.

 

“You look old.” A simple truth was all he could muster.

 

_Had it really been all this time?_

 

Han releases a smooth low chuckle that ignites a thousand memories he thought he had repressed. Even after all this time, Ben was still that lost little boy in his father’s favourite bar.

 

“Come here kid. Let me see you.”

 

He’s still wearing _that_ leather jacket or at least Ben thinks he is. He couldn’t be sure and he resents himself for forgetting.

 

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” His voice cracks enough to pull Han towards him. His face full of concern, as if nothing had changed and Ben was still running to him with scuffed knees and grazed elbows.

 

“The face of my son.” He deadpans as if he has never believed in anything more.

 

The words were a knife to his conditioned indifference. His father was weakness, he was limiting, or was that what Snoke led him to believe?

 

“It’s too late.”

 

“No. It’s not.” He affirms, closing the distance until he’s only feet away. “Come home with me. Go and get Rey and we can leave right now.”

 

Her name knots like a knife in his gut. His purpose for being here now all too clear and yet Ben can’t find it in himself to be mad. He would run to her too.

 

“She’s gone.” The words are hollow but he chokes on every one of them. “How did you-”

 

“Lando.” He interjects. The name is answer enough. “She didn’t turn up to work this morning. Her phone is going straight to voicemail and I saw the Falcon outside”

 

 _Phone?_ His mind ponders on the question of how she could afford it so soon and then he remembers her crouching over his old one. Repairing the screen, fixing the components back together with ease. Claiming it for herself. _His little thief._

 

“I should thank you.”

 

Han’s face scrunches with confusion. Despite the heavy grey, he is exactly how Ben denied himself from remembering.

 

“For giving her a job.” He elaborates.

 

“How did you-”

 

“You know how.” His interjection mirroring his father. “I tried to walk away Dad. Really, I tried. - But he said he was going to-” The words struggle against the tightening of his throat _._ He couldn’t remember the last time he called him anything other than his name. He wished he had never stopped. “I needed to keep her safe.”

 

“You two really hit it off huh?”

 

The flashback of tackling her in the garden comes to mind. “Oh you have no idea.”

 

“Actually she told me you-”

 

“Wait.” The command comes out effortlessly and he replays the last few seconds of the conversation in his head. A nauseous dread begins to bubble in the pit of his stomach and Han’s face falls with concern. “You said the Falcon is still outside?”

 

“Yeah? What about it?” 

 

“She wouldn’t leave without it.”

 

And that’s when Ben notices it. The smashed glass across the other side of the club, the spatter of blood against the pillar. Even in the darkness, it’s all there. How had he missed it? The beads of glass from an obliterated bottle, covered the entire left hand side of the room. The thought of Rey leaving was painful, but seeing the evidence of her fighting to _stay_ was fatal.

 

However, the true dread doesn’t hit until he sees a familiar white envelope on a corner table. His father can only watch him push past with a confused, questioning look.

 

He recognises the penmanship instantly. Hux always had a flare for the dramatic while Ben had always preferred his signature to be more blunt, more _physical - a statement._ The taunt was so neatly formed. The fact he even had the time to perfect it was just enough to push him over the edge. While he was sleeping - when he should have been protecting her.

 

He could feel Han approach behind with him concern, his hand falling to his shoulder. There was a time when Ben would be repulsed at the contact and he released a meek sob in the back of his throat - the realisation of just how much he needed it was too much.

 

“Where is she?”

 

“It’s my fault.” He mumbles frenziedly. Not quite knowing what to do with the panic. “It’s too late.”

 

“Ben, where is she?” The voice is gruff but it is still very much his father.

 

It is barely a whisper when he answers. Twisting and seizing his throat with a sadism that is befitting for it’s owner.

 

“Snoke.”

 

Immediately it invokes an anger in his father. He can hear the sharp intake of breath and the leather of his jacket protesting against his back, as it stretches him to a menacing height. But his hand still remains on his shoulder and he squeezes with just enough pressure to bring him back from the onslaught of thoughts that followed.

 

“I need to make a call and neither of us are gonna like it” He grumbles with trepidation and pats his back one final time. Ben can hear him rooting through his jacket for his phone and he turns around to see the pale sweat already forming across his face.

 

Han Solo was many things; Reformed smuggler, seasoned gambler and tougher than the leather of his jacket. Han could talk his way out of everything - very little phased him and Ben envied it. But there was only one person in the whole world that reduced the man to a sweating mess that paced from corner to corner mumbling incoherently into the speaker.

 

Until suddenly the phone is stretched out in offering. He can see the caller ID - even after all this time, he still had her saved as _Princess._

 

Ben accepts it and presses it to his ear. He releases a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding and she must hear it because that warm familiar voice immediately breaks through the static.

 

“Ben?”

 

It’s the hope in her voice that breaks him first.

 

“Hi Mom.”

 

The second - is the envelope in his hand. It’s contents holds a golden invitation that he choses to ignore. He knows what it is for. Instead, Hux’s note addressed on the front is what captures him.

 

And if Snoke could see him now. - The mighty Kylo Ren, bested by six simple words:

 

_As loyal as her last meal._

 

* * *

 

 

The overbearing smell of cologne wakes her first. She can feel a motion rock and jolt her body. It takes her a few groggy seconds to adjust and realise she’s in a car. Her eyes lift heavy and dazed, her head is foggy and accompanied with a dull ache just where her skull and neck meet. And when she goes to soothe the throbbing, she frowns at the discovery of cuffs around her wrists.

 

Then she remembers why and Rey can’t help but smirk.

 

Blood is still oozing thick and dark from his nose. He was an idiot for thinking she wouldn’t put up a fight. Especially after the first time.

 

She can see the clots on the cashmere handkerchief and once he’s satisfied he’s stemmed the flow, he looks up from the ruined square of overpriced fabric. A dark glare is enough to end the satisfaction.  

 

It’s her turn to look out the window. Streets blur behind the black tint and she can feel his loathing bore into the side of her head. She thought she had him back there, when her fist connected to his face and caused crimson to jet out both nostrils. She remembers swinging the bottle in her hand, perfectly timed - until it wasn’t. 

 

The reason why was currently in the drivers seat. Occasionally cold eyes would catch hers in the mirror and then flit back to the road ahead. She hadn’t noticed the platinum hair or all six foot of her until it was too late. They spend the journey in silence. She watches the buildings rise to skyscrapers and when she notices Hux smooth his hair and fix any remaining blood he may have missed, Rey knows they’re close. 

 

Within minutes the car is cutting into an underground garage. It doesn’t surprise her. After all, she’s handcuffed and six feet of blonde hair and dirty looks are not exactly the definition of discreet. But she can see his shit eating grin and before she can even think of wiping it off his pasty face, Bottle Blonde hits the brakes _hard._

 

“We’re here.”

 

_Shit._

 

“Where are we?” Her voice is barely existent.

 

“You’re our guest.” Hux smirks and her stomach immediately knots.

 

Her passenger door opens. “Stop playing with your food Armitage.” She tugs Rey from the car as if she weighs nothing. “And Jesus Christ wipe that blood of your face before he sees.”

 

The grip under her arm is iron tight. She’s pulled and dragged until eventually they reach the end of empty garage and cramp into the awkward space of elevator. The upbeat jazz is practically comical in the circumstances. Hux is wiping furiously at his face, ensuring every droplet of blood is gone. It’s pointless, his eyes are still streaming and his nose has swollen in size. He hisses at each contact and Rey can practically hear the eye roll beside her. 

 

She feels the motion subside and before the doors have even opened, Rey knows who is waiting on the other side. However, she doesn’t know where she is when they do. The corridor that waits ahead is opulent with golds and white pillars, adorned with dark red roses. It would be beautiful in any other circumstance, but she finds herself dreading to explore it.

 

She has no choice when Hux thrusts her forwards. The corridors are endless but noticeably empty. It’s off-putting and Rey can feel the unease creeping through her, so she wills herself to imagine Ben back in that room, small hot breaths escaping him as he sleeps. Was he still asleep? -blissfully unaware that she was doing this all for him?

 

She refuses to imagine the alternative.

 

But then the corridor opens up and her mouth parts at the room ahead of her. The regality is stunning, deep reds and golds cut into white stone, complimented by several large chandeliers.

 

However, the beauty is spoiled by the stage that commands the back of the room.

 

 _Snoke 2020_ is emblazoned in gold against a deep crimson banner. The thought of his presidency causes her wrists to cut anxiously into the metal of her restraints. She glances across the room. Name cards sit on the tables around them, but she doesn’t recognise any.

 

She wonders if Ben’s is here somewhere too.

 

“Young Rey.” The voice is eery, faceless and creeping across every corner. It crackles in the speaker overhead. “Welcome.”

 

It’s the garish scar she notices first. It sinks into sallow skin and dominates the very top of his head. The second is the satisfied smile across thin, taunt lips as he walks across the stage.

 

“Come closer.”

 

She refuses - planting her feet firmer into the ground.

 

“Closer I said.”

 

He frowns at the defiance and nods at Hux who only shoves her against the front of the stage. The impact winds her and it isn’t until she manages to regain her breath that she realises he’s kneeling only inches above her.

 

He cocks his head slightly and he clasps her chin in his hand. “You thought you could turn him.”

 

The words fail in her mouth. So she spits in his face instead. His smirk falters for only a second as he swipes the spatter of her disgust from his cheek.

 

“You underestimate him and me.” Rey finally growls between the pinch of his fingers.

 

It only makes him release a deep throaty laugh and the hot breath licks repulsively at her cheek.

 

“Such spunk.” He rises from his crouch and paces back towards the left of the stage. He doesn’t turn back when he looks at her. “It’ll go so lovely with the red.”

 

* * *

 

He must have read the invitation about a thousand times. The words have yet to set in his mind. He was always expected to go but now it was different - because it was obvious why the invite was left in her place. 

 

Nervously, he tugs at the bowtie of his tux and shifts uncomfortably under the chafing top button of his shirt. Ben never expected to return to his father’s shop. He had accepted that part of his life to be well and truly over - until he saw Solo and Son’s peeling from the shop front.

 

_“You’ll always be my son” Han had mumbled as he stared up at it._

 

_“Even now? After everything?”_

 

_“Especially now.”_

 

And that was the reason why he was going - he wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Rey.

 

Small sips of stale beer pass between his lips - anything to take the edge off and he watches Han tinker away at the motorcycle he rode over. He’s just as nervous and for good reason.

 

They both jolt at the sound of Poe’s voice. 

 

“Oh you have got to be _fucking_ kidding me.”

 

He’s stood at the entrance, eyes shifting between the two, his hands fisted into the pockets of a burgundy tuxedo jacket. Han shrugs and gestures to Ben. He wastes no time in excusing himself and swigging the neglected beer he snatches from Ben’s hand as he passes.

 

Poe’s footsteps are a profanity to the silence between them. Neither speak for what feels like a lifetime.

 

“So who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?”

 

“I’m sorry.” The baritone of his voice cracks ever so slightly and Poe’s scowl immediately softens. “For everything.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Ben sighs and looks around the room for an answer. His mouth opens and shuts several times.

 

“Because I didn’t want you to look at me the way you are now.” It’s barely a whisper.

 

“Ben-”

 

“He took her Poe. He took Rey.”

 

“I know.” Poe nods solemnly and when he notices Ben’s confusion, he elaborates. “Leia - your Mom - uh - she’s the reason I’m here.”

 

Everything in Ben’s body immediately tightens. His eyes flit to the entrance as if he expects to see her walk in at any second. From the corner of his eye he can see a small smile tug at Poe’s lips.

 

“Don’t worry she’s not here. She knows you have to do this first.” The anticipation drains from him like blood from a cut. “But she is dying to meet the ‘Girl that Everyone is Talking About’.”

 

It’s the first genuine smile he gives Ben since that night at the house.

 

“I see the way you look at her.” He states outright. “You love her don’t you?”

 

The question completely disarms him and his head races with every encounter they’ve shared. The tackle in the garden and the way she struggled underneath him. The stubborn, but deserving, refusal to acknowledge him in the kitchen afterwards and how, with each passing minute, she seemed to gravitate closer and closer. The kiss she greedily claimed for herself in the workshop when he should have ignored his phone and let her have more. The untamed hunger in her eyes when he stood at her bedroom door last night, and the soft moans he claimed as he satisfied it.

 

All were brief moments he didn’t deserve to share with her and he couldn’t be sure when he began to feel this way - this indifference for the path he had been desperate to take and Snoke was all too happy to guide him down.

 

But his answer was ingrained in their somewhere. He knew from the way rain pooled in her collarbone and his mouth dried as if it was the only water for miles. It was just a grain in a collection of moments but it always brought the same conclusion.

 

They’ve barely had any time and Ben desperately wanted more.

 

“I think I’m starting to.” He confesses.

 

The answer doesn’t shock him and Poe claps his shoulder and walk towards the door. “Come on then Solo. I think it’s about time you told her.”

 

* * *

 

Garnet red pools at her feet. The thin satin is a feather touch against her legs and the cold air bites at the open back of her dress. Rey doesn’t recognise herself and she thinks she would like what she sees if it was in different circumstances. 

 

Although, the red lip is a bit much and her eyes have taken a new shape with dark liner but her hair falls in waves around her shoulders and it’s the balance Rey needed.

 

She stared at the dress for a solid ten minutes when she was first escorted in. Displayed across a table with a pair of matching heels - the very ones she had been admiring in the shop window yesterday. She refused to touch them until soft orange light bathed the surrounding buildings and began to flood inside the room.

 

She didn’t want any part of it - or him, for longer then necessary.

 

This was always the plan. Snoke dressing her up for slaughter and parading her around like the sacrificial lamb. But this was never _her_ plan - the plan was to find food and get back to the junkyard. Not everything else in between - not Ben and especially not this.

 

She catches the movement in the mirror. Smirking as he pushes his hands into his blazer pockets. The thick red of his hair slicked back with gel and his one eye is now heavily embellished with thick purple.

 

Through the mirror she sees his head cock to the side. “You’ll always be a dirty junkyard scavenger.”

 

“And you’ll always be a pathetic snake in a suit.” She spits back at his reflection.

 

He only laughs. It’s deep, dramatic and _false_ she thinks.

 

“Come.” Hux summons, his voice altering to something far more sinister and Rey doesn’t dare risk the defiance. “He’s waiting for you.”

 

She’s not wearing handcuffs when they return to the maze of corridors. She can hear the faint sounds of piano keys and frenzied waiters pass them at every corner. _No_ _handcuffs_ she thinks, _he has an audience now._

 

She wobbles suddenly on her heels, her inexperience causes Hux behind her to snort but when they near the main room, she feels his hand press into the small of her back as if she was livestock that needed shepherding.

 

If Rey believed it to be grand before, she was mistaken. The room was cramped with guests and with the combination of low lighting and the spectrum of designer dresses around her, Hux had to push her as carefully as possible from her fixture at the entrance.

 

A few women around her nod approvingly at her dress. She avoids the eyes of their husbands regarding her with just a bit too much familiarity. It only takes several steps into the room when she’s quickly handed a champagne flute. Rey finds herself downing it in one harsh swallow, before snatching another and making quick work of it.

 

She ignores the waiters mouth swinging open and passes the disapproving women watching her. She wants to make a scene, it would be so easy to reveal the imposter currently commanding a large group of listeners around him. They all laugh at his jokes when they’re supposed to, tentatively listening to a story he is fabricating on the spot. She wonders just how many here are like her - blackmailed, manipulated and scared of the alternative.

 

It would be so easy to find out. Her eyes flit towards the podium beside the orchestra on stage. That’s all it would take - just a few simple words into the microphone. But she doesn’t and her eyes start to search the room for the reason why.

 

He isn’t here. Rey wasn’t sure why she expected him to be. After all, the reason she was here was because she got in the way and Snoke didn’t seem the type to let go easily. So she would keep her mouth shut for Ben’s sake - she’d play the perfect guest and find a way out of this glamoured nightmare.

 

“Ah, young Rey. So glad you could make it.”

 

Snoke’s voice comes from behind. His words peacocking to the audience around him. He’s lying through his teeth and his congregation around him are oblivious.

 

“Oh you know me Senator. I never really had a choice.” She grits through a false smile.

 

It’s quick but she can see her defiance twitch the corner of his mouth. He hides it with a well timed laugh and his hand immediately wraps around her wrist, guiding her to the dance floor. There is barely room to accommodate them but guests immediately part at his approach.

 

Snoke pulls her in close and when the leathered skin of his hand pushes against the exposed plain of her back, her body jolts with the repulsion. With a well rehearsed waltz, they sway in silence for a while and she savours what little bits of it she can.

 

It’s not much. It never is. 

 

“I underestimated you.” He whispers into her ear, low enough to remain undetected.

 

“You know nothing about me.” She scoffs until he spirals her in an effortless spin. She can feel the whirlpool of red satin lift above her feet and when she returns back to his vice, she has no choice but to look at him.

 

“Oh my dear girl, I know more about you then you do yourself.”

 

Together they spin, covering the wide space of floor they’ve been gifted and he doesn’t speak until he settles back into a lethargic sway.

 

“Adopted at the age of five - disappears from the system at age six. No record of attending school.” He rattles off, staring out into the admiring crowd around them. He swivels her harshly and smirks when she loses her footing slightly. “You are a _nobody._ ”

 

Rey can feel her fingers digging into the rich material of his suit and she can hear her teeth grating so hard she’s sure they’ll chip against the pressure. He’s provoking her and although Snoke had spent majority of the evening lying, everything he was saying to her was very much true. He had accessed her entire life freely and he seemed to have far more answers then she did.

 

“Your parents left you in a bar.”

 

Immediately her eyes snap from the crowd. He savours the response for a few seconds before turning to gaze down at her. His face is expressionless, as if his words weigh nothing.

 

“You’re lying.” It’s barely a hiss through the tightening of her throat.

 

“Am I?” He smiles down at her. It’s unsettling and Rey reclines as far back as his vice will allow. “I have the police report my dear. Eight weeks old and found squalling in some liquor stained booth.” His eyes wander around the room as if in contemplation before spinning them both across the floor. “They robbed the bar of several crates of cheap alcohol and left you - I assume - as payment.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

“They were dead by morning.”

 

The spinning, the motion of their dance, the blur of colours and soft lights ahead - everything comes to a stop. She can no longer hear the symphony on stage, that allows him to lead her across the dance floor, or the pompous laughter of higher class around her. She can only hear his words and the pathetic ramblings of shock and denial falling from her mouth.

 

“The coroner reported their alcohol intake to be five times over the limit.” He tuts with mock disapproval and when he spots a rogue tear falling down her cheek, he releases her hand only briefly to catch it. “What a waste of perfectly good scotch.”

 

“I don’t believe you.” She protests weakly.

 

Snoke releases a throaty chuckle somewhere deep in his throat, as if her words are comical and he draws pleasure from the denial that thickens her throat. She can feel their waltz coming to an end, as the rhythm of music begins to crest for a dramatic finish.

 

He looks above her head and his smile only deepens.

 

“Pity.” He croons, before his eyes settle somewhere behind her. “I was just starting to enjoy myself.”

 

She tries to turn to see who he is talking to but immediately he spins her with one final flourish and releases his hold around her waist. The projection causes her to spiral across the last remaining stretch of floor. The motion is nauseating and it only ends when large hands wrap around her and pull her flush to his chest. The satin of her dress finally settles at her feet and when she raises her head from the dizzying torment to fight back, Snoke is nowhere to be seen and her body melts into familiar hands.

 

Her disbelief is barely a whisper.

 

“Ben?”

 

He had watched her and Snoke’s entire exchange, she realises. His face is thunderous and his pupils swallow all the flecks of gold and brown in his eyes. She can see the tension in his jaw as he smooths the tear tracks from her cheeks and his fingers tremble when he pins the wave of her hair back behind her ear.

 

“You look beautiful.” The awe in his voice - it’s low, blending perfectly with the soft harmony of violins and cellos in the background.

 

“You shouldn’t be here.” 

 

He ignores her warning completely and his eyes roam over her. She can feel his fingers ghosting the naked span of her back and it causes her to shudder.

 

“Did he hurt you?”

 

Not physically she thinks. But it’s easier to lie.

 

“No.” She’s still holding onto the jacket of his tux. She’s sure her legs will give way at any moment. “No, we just danced.”

 

Somewhere in the background she can hear a voice command the microphone on stage. They’re talking about Snoke and his accomplishments. There’s a thunder of applause and she can feel his hand brush against her cheek. It’s enough to bring her back.

 

“Ben, this morning I never-”

 

She’s silenced with a chaste kiss. Her eyes flutter open several seconds after he’s pulled back and his lips tug into a subtle smile.

 

“I know.” His eyes shift to somewhere across the room and when she follows him, she realises he’s staring at Hux. “You punched him in the face again didn’t you?”

 

Her eyes lift somewhere to the ceiling. “Maybe.”

 

His laugh warms her. Just being in his arms was enough to make her forget where she was, the situation she was in - the danger. She can feel the words, her feelings, forming on her lips and Rey realises in that moment she should have confessed them sooner.

 

“Ben, I-”

 

But then her name consumes every corner of the room. The static of the microphone distorts his voice slightly and in the time he had left them, Rey hadn’t realised Snoke was now on stage mid speech, which he had now paused - _for her._

 

_He was summoning her._

 

The satin flurries around her as she turns to face the stage. Snoke is staring directly at them and even in the distance, she can see the threat behind his eyes if she doesn’t comply. Ben tightens his grip of her hand, imploring her to stay by his side. Poe appears within seconds, pulling at Ben’s arm with a frenzy she has never seen.

 

“We need to go _now._ ”

 

People are whispering. Eyes shift in her direction and although every part of her body is screaming to run, she only stares up at Ben. The desperation in his eyes is unbearable.

 

Her fingers fall from his grip.

 

“Rey, please.”

 

“I don’t have a choice.” The whisper breaks in her throat. _I’m doing this for you_ , she thinks.

 

She pushes through the crowd before he can stop her. It takes little effort as people part around her, smiling and nodding with encouragement. Not one of them aware of the sick twisted game Snoke was playing with her. When she reaches the stairs at the base of the stage, he’s there instantly, guiding her to stand with him at the centre.

 

From the elevation, she can see Ben’s attempt to chase her through the crowd. He was now standing barely feet away from the stage and the panic across his face is enough to break her. Even with the rig of lights above, dazzling and spotting her vision, she can see his lips tremble traitorously. When Snoke envelopes her in an overbearing flamboyant hug, over his shoulder, she can see Poe latch onto Ben’s arm and tug him back with warning. He looks wild, untamed and it should scare her - but it doesn’t.

 

“Isn’t she marvellous?” Snoke croons and when his voice is amplified over the speakers, Rey’s brow furrows when she sees the microphone still unused at the podium. He’s in full flow when she realises he has a small microphone clipped to the gold quilt of his tie.

 

Snoke captures the audience. There’s a devoted silence as his hands work animatedly with each word. She hadn’t listened to a single syllable. Because the way Ben was looking at her - as if every passing second of her being out of his reach was unbearably painful; none of what Snoke said mattered.

 

Until it did.

 

“The system has failed her. Her parents had failed her - a true victim of modern day slavery” His sad tale commands the room. She can hear gasps and whispered protests of disgust. “To be abandoned by not only your family, but by the government sworn in to protect you? It was lucky I found her when I did.”

 

Rey blanches at his lie. He was using her to further his movement - weaponising her for his own humanity. Snoke was retelling her whole life to an audience of strangers and she was no different to them. Because she was hearing it all for the first time too.

 

“Working for food in a junkyard - on my campaign trail, I discovered the true failings of our current system.”

 

“Did you?” The words fall from her mouth. Bold, daring and the fear non existent. Even without the assistance of a microphone, she can hear the collective intake of breath around the room. Her head cocks to the side with confusion and his balance stutters slightly when he turns to look at her. It is the first sign of weakness she has seen from him all night. “Funny, I don’t remember that.”

 

There are a few seconds of silence filled with only the steel of his stare. His hands twitch at his sides as if he’s about to strangle her in front of all of his guests But he only laughs and the whole room follows his lead.

 

Snoke’s control was unchallengeable.

 

“Such wit.” He sighs. “Such charisma. I can see why our Kylo took such a liking to you.”

 

He returns to the audience and his words exist somewhere beyond her. She hears fake statistics, false promises and flares of angered passion for a corruption he is determined to correct. _Lies,_ she thinks - they’re all lies. He finishes his speech with a final thank you and implores the audience to raise their glasses.

 

They all drink to a ‘new order’ and within seconds Snoke’s arm loops around her waist and guides her towards the back of the stage. They barely enter the empty corridor when he slams her up against the wall and pins her by the throat. She hisses with each breath he denies her. 

 

“I should have killed you when I had the chance.” His voice - unrecognisable to the persona on stage. The thin stretch of his lips contorts and she grimaces at the spittle that collects and froths at the corners. “I should have known the minute Kylo was so taken with you. How weak he must be to protect scum such as you.”

 

His fingers increase the pressure around her windpipe and her breath begins to rasp and crack.

 

“I have entertained this game for far too long and after that pathetic display of defiance you showed up there, I will not hesitate in making your death as slow and painful as possible.”

 

Rey can feel the telltale signs of unconsciousness creep upon her. Her head lightens in a dizzying height and her vision is almost swallowed by white specks. But it’s the looming shadow in her peripheral, that fills her with an embodiment of relief and just enough breath left to laugh.

 

He recoils slightly at the unexpected response.

 

“There’s only one problem.” She heaves.

 

And it’s Ben’s voice at the end of the corridor that releases Snoke’s hand from around her throat. It’s depth harbouring all the years he had spent so blindly loyal and Rey can hear his freedom forming in just a few short words;

 

“You forgot to turn your microphone off.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left.. To think Break In was a silly little idea I had last summer while sat in a Starbucks. I drafted 5 chapters as a way to revive my love for writing, and although I know I still have a long way to go in perfecting that, you guys have made this experience and journey worth every second of it. 
> 
> This community is so welcoming, so warm and I am so grateful to live in such a small part of it. 
> 
> Now I know this wasn't the most exciting first half of an ending or the most dramatic but it is my ending and I am proud to say that I made it when there were countless times I just wanted to give up and walk away and it's all thanks to you guys. 
> 
> Come say hello on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KahliiRen) and [Tumblr](http://karhli.tumblr.com)


	17. You & I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to say goodbye :(:(

* * *

 

**Chapter 17**

**You & I**

 

_Where we find a way_

_to be suspended_

_in the warmth_

_between you & I_

 

_I stand on the edge,_

_below, the water surges_

_over the rock face_

_deep teal and chilling_

_a reminder that_

_beautiful can also be destructive_

_Like you._

                                          -  _M Salinger_

 

* * *

 

_“As of last night, Senator Snoke is currently facing several lawsuits and the threat of prison. Allegedly all starting with an altercation at a dinner event held for his candidacy for office — it is believed the Senator threatened a young woman’s life at the event, unaware his microphone was still turned on. Since then, several videos of the incident have now gone viral and has sparked an increasing number of victims to now come forward. Senator Snoke is now accused of fraud, embezzlement and is currently under investigation for murderand if found guilty will be —”_

 

The TV switches off. She knows why but she doesn’t move until his arms snake around her body and pull her back flush against his chest. He’s not wearing a shirt and her body greedily steals as much heat as their position will allow. His head slots perfectly into the curve of her shoulder and his lips press along her neck.

 

“Come back to bed.” He hums into the shiver of her skin, peppering kisses between each word.

 

“I can’t sleep.” Half whine - half sigh, Rey melts into his hold.

 

“You don’t need to worry about _him_ anymore.” It’s a whisper and a kiss against her earlobe. One hand presses into her waist, while the other begins to explore under the hem of her vest.“You’re home.”

 

_Home._

 

A few weeks ago, home was a rusted car with worn leather backseats for a bed and her calendar scratched into the metal inlay. Home was a constant labour to survive and a few weeks ago, Rey believed home was never allowed to feel this _fucking_ good.

 

His right hand travels up the flat of her stomach. It’s achingly slow and his fingertips tease the soft swell of her breasts. Not quite touching but just enough presence to make her desperate.

 

The lounge is engulfed with darkness and it heightens every sensation rushing through her body. His touch scorches her skin with the combination of his lips and hands. Her head rolls back into his shoulder and she can feel a victorious smile against her neck.

 

“Come back to bed.” He croons, but it has more authority the second time round. He drives it home when his hand splays across her breast. He squeezes with just the right amount of pressure and he releases a low hum somewhere deep in his throat.

 

“Ben.” The plea is barely existent.

 

Her back arches, pushing her chest further into his hands and as if he was running on the same instinct, Rey can feel his hardening length press against her ass and up the base of her back. Greedily she rolls her hips against him and he releases a low hiss against her throat.

 

“Don’t make me ask again.” His voice is strained and every breath in between is a shudder.

 

Rey can’t help herself - so she grinds herself against him harder and his grin is immediately against her neck and a low dark laugh rumbles hot against her pulse point.

 

“Very well.” His lips pull away from her neck and she shivers at the way two simple words hijack every nerve ending in her body. Rey can feel his hands twist at her waist and spin her effortlessly with just his fingertips. He collides against her, his mouth claiming every part of her.

 

They’re searing, starved kisses - Ben takes whatever he can get and without breaking the contact, his arms snake under her legs and hoist her up around his torso. Rey immediately locks her heels around the dip of his back and her fingers knot themselves in the thick wave of his hair when he carries her out of the lounge and towards the kitchen.

 

Cold seeps through the cotton of her pyjama bottoms. But it takes several seconds for her to process that he’s set her on the marble island in the middle of the kitchen. Her vest is tugged upwards and abandoned somewhere across the room and her nipples immediately pebble at the cool exposure.

 

“Come - here.” He murmurs between each kiss and greedily tugs her closer towards him. The contact of naked skin causes a soft sigh to pass through her lips and get lost somewhere between his. Her legs wrap tighter around his waist and with his height, Ben easily grinds the tightening strain of his trousers against her centre.

 

“You are so-” His mouth falls to her chest. Pressing kisses and dangerous words across each breast. “-Fucking perfect.”

 

His lips tease around the strain of her nipple and when his tongue flicks and rolls around it, her hips snap harder against him and her hands fist in his hair. “ _Ah -_ Ben.”

 

A veiled smile teases the corner of his lips and he releases her with a wet obscene sounding pop. “The last time we were at this counter together, you couldn’t stand me.” He confesses against her sternum and Rey has to duck her chin to get a better look at him. “You wouldn’t let me touch you.”

 

A kiss presses into her collarbone and when his eyes flick up to watch the small gasp that passes through her lips, only the black of his pupils remain. He commits the sight to memory and his lips begin to trail back down her chest and travel towards the hem of her bottoms.

 

“And look at you now.”

 

With a sudden force, his hands spread her legs further apart, causing her feet to point precariously on the barstools below. Her back hits the marble when his nose and mouth skims just _there_ and he tugs and pulls her legs from the cotton of her trousers.

 

“Do you still hate me Rey?” The words brush across the fabric of her underwear. She can feel his grin between her thighs and she can only manage a pathetic whimper in response when his fingers tease the lace against her entrance. His smirk grazes kisses against the partition of her legs. “You don’t sound like you do.”

 

The kitchen is lit with a soft low light that creates contours and shadows across every defined line of muscle. When he pulls away, watching her back writhe and arch across cold marble, Ben looks completely wrecked.

 

“No, this is something else.” The low whisper crashes against lace. “You know how I feel about you” His fingers hook around the soaked fabric of her underwear ““So are you going to say it first —” and with a sudden twist, it shreds in his fingers. “ —or am I?”

 

“Ben! What the fu- _oh fuck._ ” His face buries in between her legs. An unforgiving moan escapes her throat when he begins to suck and lick hungrily at every part of her spread open for him. Nails bite into the tender of her thigh and Rey can’t help but ride and rock against his mouth.

 

The fabric tethers of her underwear don’t seem so important now.

 

“Do you hate me now Rey?” He hums against her clit, his mouth nipping and sucking between each word. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll stop.”

 

“ _Ben-_ ” Every muscle in her back burns with the harsh arch against the marble and her body trembles under the strain.

 

“Say it.” 

 

A blissful climax begins to build up somewhere inside her. A delicious tightness that she’s desperate to release. She’s so close, his tongue rolling and flicking with a devoted urgency, humming her name in a way she’s never heard before. It’s too much - her whole body screams at her to let go. The pleasure whittles down all of her fight, until she’s left with nothing but a primal urge to just release.

 

 _I love you,_ she thinks — _even when I hated you, I never stood a chance._

 

His head snaps upwards and she whimpers at the emptiness he leaves behind, her climax falling just out of reach. But the way he’s looking at her - eyes dark and enraptured, his entire body trembling with a violent aftershock that causes Rey to pause.

 

“Say that again.”

 

Rey freezes. Had she really said that out loud? _Would it be so bad if you had?_ She thinks and when she rises to sit back on the countertop, he follows her with a desperate need to remain close. Ben looks positively ruined, inches from her mouth and desperate eyes rove over every part of her.

 

“I love you.” Her voice is timid and small, testing every syllable to see if she likes the sound of it.

 

And Rey realises she does - slamming against him with a brutal kiss. She can feel his shock as he stutters against her mouth. She can taste herself on his tongue — a sugared sweetness of a wilted orgasm. He releases a loud unforgiving moan when she bites into the soft flesh of his lip and they pull apart, chests heaving with deprivation. 

 

“Again.” He orders.

 

“I love you.” Bolder and full of belief.

 

He steps out of his sweatpants, kicking them across the tile.

 

“Again.” He guides his length against her entrance, dragging the thick head of his cock through her folds. Still yet to fill her, one hand spreads up her back - his palm a pillar against her spine to stop her from collapsing against the counter.

 

“Ben—”

 

“ _Again.”_ He presses just barely, gifting her just enough of him. Rey submits instantly.

 

“I love you.” The sigh featherlight and soft.

 

He swallows. A pained groan escapes him and with one sharp thrust, Ben sinks into her. The contact immediately dulls a deep ache as he fills every part of her. His hips stutter slightly and he huffs against her neck with heated breath.

 

“ _Rey._ ” He gasps delirious and broken, working her with slow powerful thrusts and studying every part of her face. His breath shudders and he strikes continually at a spot within her that makes every muscle in Rey’s body sing with pleasure. He anchors her upright on the counter — one hand clamped in a bruising grip around her waist, while the other fists in her hair, sharply twisting to expose her neck.

 

Molten kisses trail up her throat and end just under her earlobe. Leaving nothing but blazing heat against her skin, Rey shivers - nails digging into the muscle of his shoulders.

 

“You’re so _close.”_ He grits through his teeth as he begins to piston unforgivingly into her. Pressing his forehead against her own, his eyes never leave her through the damp mat of their hair and Rey isn’t sure how long she can deny herself the climax that burns at her center.

 

And _god_ just his mouth alone is enough to finish her - swollen and a violent shade of red. He swallows every moan that escapes her, his tongue swiping her mouth with a contradicting slowness and immediately her walls flutter around him.

 

“Gonna fill you up-” He grits out in broken words and grunts. “-make an absolute _fucking_ mess of my kitchen.”

 

“ _Please.”_ She whines.

 

His hips stutter at her frantic pleas, sucking thick air mixed with sex and sweat through his teeth. Reclaiming his punishing rhythm, Ben strikes that aching spot somewhere deep insider her. His hands release her hair and soothe her legs trembling around his waist. He chases her to the brink of a climax, that familiar tightening that is just on a blade's edge of being too much.

 

“Your cunt -” He falters, forehead pressed against her own as a hard thrust cuts off his thought. “ _Fuck._ I don’t deserve it.”

 

Ultimately it’s the tone of his voice that finishes her. A low possessive confession that leaves her boneless, her mind addled with a flood of pleasure, as the orgasm tears through her. She’s crying out incoherently at the peak. He’s chased her to an altitude she can’t return from, a height that seizes every breath and causes her head to throw back with a desperate need for relief.

 

“No.” He commands, the whisper low and dry in his mouth. His palm wrapping around her throat, refusing her to look away and greedily he drinks in every second as he continues to thrust and hit that same sinful spot. “I want to watch every second of this.”

 

“I love you.” She breathes over and over again, incoherent and babbling from the orgasm still lingering throughout her body.

 

A pained version of her name cries out between them as he stills, spilling thick jets of heat deep inside her. She flexes her hips against him, savouring and stirring the newfound fullness and immediately his mouth collides against her.

 

His kiss is worshipping. The soft pads of his fingers brush across her cheeks, pinching damp hair away from her eyes and she can’t look away from the warm smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

 

“What?” She blushes.

 

“My little thief.” He croons, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Rey scoffs, jumping from the counter, her toes instantly curling at the cold tile.

 

She can see the sheen of sweat across his forehead, his lips are swollen and the black of his eyes already beginning to thin out into something softer. There’s familiarity to it, as he stands staring at her. _That night,_ she thinks back, standing at the mirror, discovering every mark across her back — _That was the night I stopped hating you._

 

“If I remember correctly, you let me keep the bread.” 

 

“And my shirt?”

 

 _Oh the fucking shirt._ Why does she always forget about the shirt?

 

“And my phone.”

 

_Okay now he’s just being picky._

 

“And the bike.” The grin forming wider across his face as she stutters incoherently.

 

_Well fuck._

 

“Actually it was your Dad’s bike and-” His lips silence her. She can feel his smile between their kiss and his arms snake around her waist, soothing the sensitised skin across her back. She sighs into his mouth. Elevating herself onto the point of her feet for more and it doesn’t take much longer for her to melt against his arms.

 

“Come back to bed.” He sighs between her lips. She can’t deny him or herself this time and when she doesn’t protest his plea, Ben hoists her up around his waist and begins carrying her through the lounge and towards the stairs.

 

Their clothes are barely an afterthought on the kitchen tile.

 

* * *

 

_She’s still there._

 

Still curled in a perfect fit against him, face scrunching and falling within a blissful dream, body auroral with delicate morning light. It’s the second time she’s spent the night in his bed — the first being the night of Snoke’s event. 

 

He remembers Snoke’s panicked speech on stage; ‘a simple misunderstanding’, a ‘technical glitch’ he had called it when he took Rey’s hand and practically dragged her out of the building. He can see the red satin at the corner of his eye — a clear contrast against the slate grey walls and left untouched since he had teased it down her body and taken her against the closest wall.

 

Only black pools around her waist now. Somewhere through the night she had tugged herself free and although Rey had looked beautiful in red satin — this right here, could not be compared.

 

He would have her this way forever if he could.

 

Slowly, his fingers trail up the soft uncovered skin of her ribcage. A sigh escapes through her lips, a distant sound in the deepest parts of sleep. He shouldn’t wake her, he knows that but he can’t find the restraint to stop. He strokes up and down her side and it isn’t much longer when her eyelashes begin to flutter and she stretches out catlike beside him.

 

“Good morning.” A sleepy smile tugs at her lips as she presses a kiss into his shoulder.

 

“Sleep well?” He returns the smile as she continues up into his neck.

 

“I would have.” She kisses along his jaw, her game evident in her smile and tone. “But _someone_ wouldn’t let me.”

 

The laugh she releases is pure, light and Ben wants more of it when he rolls her underneath him. His forearms balancing him just enough to leave space in between to deprive her. It has the desired effect when he sees the visible swallow in her throat as he hardens between her legs.

 

“How would you like me to apologise?” His voice darkening to something unrecognisable as he plants kisses from the corner of her mouth down to the swell of her breasts. “Like this?”

 

 _“Ben._ ”

 

“Or perhaps like this?” He croons, his tongue swirling and working at the hard point of her nipple. Her back arches in response and his hands coil underneath her, pinning and pressing her further into his mouth. “Maybe I should keep you awake more often, if this is how you let me apologise.”

 

Rey writhes underneath him. In the short time he’s had her, Ben has memorised every tell, every response and every manifestation of pleasure that presents itself across her body. It isn’t the trembling muscle of her legs or the way he can feel her cunt constrict with an obscene tightness, that tells him he’s building her up to something profound — something that is theirs.

 

No. — It’s the way his name breaks in her throat. A single syllable interlaced with soft sighs and sharp gasps as she repeats it over and over again. 

 

By the time he’s between her legs, she’s practically canting her hips into his mouth as his tongue swipes long deliberate strokes between her folds. Moans replace his name when he pulls away to line up his cock, straining and leaking, at her entrance.

 

But before he can even adjust himself, Rey immediately sits up and takes him in her mouth. It’s sudden and far from what he was expecting but _christ —_ if her cunt was a sensation to be desired, so was that fucking mouth of hers. Because somewhere along the line he’s collapsed against the bed and she’s positioned herself better to swallow every last inch of him.

 

The inexperience doesn’t present itself. Her tongue swirls and flicks across his head before slamming the entire length back down into her mouth. This isn’t how the game was supposed to go. He was supposed to be the one to make her break in an obliterating orgasm but here he was — fisting her hair and fucking her mouth.

 

Fuck he was close, but he can’t let her win. He started this game and he was damn sure he was going to finish it — but then her voice resembles something more guttural, more desperate as a deep hum causes her to choke slightly.

 

A mistake, he realises when he looks up. She’s building herself up on her fingers, rubbing and stroking at her clit as she takes him again and again in her mouth. Her eyes catch his and within seconds she’s coming over her hands and he can’t fight it — _fuck_ he doesn’t want to. He stills, spilling hot, thick fluid down her throat. She barely flinches at the sensation, instead only releasing a soft content hum, as she swallows and licks up any remnants of her victory.

 

“Fuck — Rey.”

 

A satisfied smirk curls her lips when she sits back on her heels. He’s still flat out on the bed — a perfect state of blissed out shock as she leans over him, her lips just brushing against his and she’s a far cry from the small wounded animal he trapped in his kitchen all those weeks ago.

 

“Apology accepted.” Her smile sweet and innocent. The bed creaks slightly as she rises from it. “But just for the record — I forgave you after the third orgasm last night.

__

He can hear the shower start somewhere in the distance. The soft sunlight through his curtain now something far more stronger as his skin heats under the flare.

 

 _Yep —_ Ben thinks. _You may have found her — but every part of you now belongs to her._

 

* * *

 

Soft summer air dances around her hair. She can feel her skirt billow around her knees and it would completely rise if it wasn’t for Ben’s hand pinning it down as he stroked across her thigh. His other hand is still firmly placed on the wheel as he weaves in and out of highway traffic.

 

Rey had forgotten how nice his car was, even though she had driven it herself. The only reminder of that day now a faint red scar across his face.

 

And now that she was looking at it, she could also see the tension rolling across his jaw.

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

He spares her a quick glance before fixing his attention back to the road.

 

“No — I mean yes and no” He sighs and his thumb strokes across the inside of her thigh. The contact seems to soothe him. “I’m not sure. I thought I would dread it, but I don’t.”

 

“Did you think they wouldn’t want to see you again?”

 

“I did.” He admits. His voice suddenly low and sullen. “I haven’t seen my Mom in years.”

 

He doesn’t elaborate any further and Rey doesn’t need him to. She gets it. Ben had filled her in on the build up to the night of Snoke’s event — Han turning up to the club, the phone call with his Mom and everything in between.

 

It was a painful process for him — but a necessary one.

 

“I’m proud of you.”

 

He smiles at her then - really smiles at her and his hand releases her thigh to bring her knuckles to his lips.

 

“She’s dying to meet you and the way my Dad talks about you.” He laughs to himself, remembering a memory she wished she had been apart of. “I don’t think you realise just how important you are to all three of us.”

 

“Ben - I -”

 

He doesn’t allow her to find the words. Not that she could if she wanted to.

 

“Out of all the houses you could have targeted Rey.” He turns, his eyes lingering on her just long enough for the car to slowly begin to coast sideways. “You have no idea just how important it was that you chose mine.”

 

They don’t talk much after that. How can you after something as profound and honest as that, comes into existence in such a small space? There’s no room for anything else. So they spend the rest of the journey in silence, turning to her every few minutes to either kiss into her palm or against her lips when he felt daring enough.

 

But out of all the houses — it’s Leia Organa’s house that completely entrances Rey. It must take several minutes to walk the entirety of her driveway, but Ben parks up at the entrance within seconds. There’s already a few cars parked up but she spots the Falcon instantly.

 

_Han._

 

But it’s when Ben takes her hand and leads her away from the door and towards the back of the house, she pauses slightly in the confusion.

 

“She likes to spend as much time as possible in the garden.” He answers before she can even ask.

 

Of course it’s Han that spots them first and the first thing Rey notices is that he’s drinking orange juice. His hair looks softer, glossier even and when he begins to make his way over, Rey notices he’s shaved. She can feel Ben’s grip tighten around her hand and she gifts him a slight squeeze to remind him he’s not alone.

 

Han stops short, as if he’s not quite sure what to do now that’s he in front of them, but Ben barely manages to speak before he’s engulfed in his arms. She allows them this moment of privacy as Ben sinks into his embrace — and that’s when she finally understood why Leia would chose to spend her time out here.

 

The garden is beyond anything Rey had ever dreamed of. A childhood of rust and metal had never conjured up something so serene. Willow and oak line around it’s entirety and Rey had never wanted to explore anything more. She must have been gone away in her head for too long because it’s Han’s chest that immediately comes into view.

 

“See something you like kid?”

 

“I- I’ve never seen so much green before.”

 

He regards her a little softer. The joke he most likely had planned falling before it had even started.

 

“Oh she’s gonna love her.” He murmurs somewhere towards Ben.

 

She’s guided a little further in, heading across an impressive stone patio and down onto the lawn. Han leads them and when she spots the small congregation, Rey can feel Ben’s hand tremble in her own. One by one they begin to notice their approach, the conversation slowly fading into a tense silence.

 

She recognises Leia instantly. Slightly older then she was in the photographs, but still as beautiful and elegant as they had captured her to be. She takes small hesitant steps towards them, almost as if she didn’t quite believe what she was seeing — like she needed to touch him just to be sure.

 

It’s selfish to hold onto him like this, so Rey releases his hand, freeing him so he can go to her. The first few steps he takes are timid, like he’s not quite sure he can do it alone but then she’s reaching up to cup his cheek and he’s ducking down to allow her — like he needs the contact just as much as she does.

 

She can’t quite hear them but she can see his eyes clear enough — red raw and thick with tears. They hold onto one another until reluctantly she releases him, muttering several more words and her thumb strokes lovingly across his cheek.

 

And then she’s looking straight at her — walking towards her with purpose and a sad, soft smile for the girl she had heard so much about. Rey had never experienced a mother’s hug — not until today. It’s an experience she had never allowed herself to imagine and it was in Leia’s arms that Rey allowed herself to just be.

 

“Rey.” Leia whispers somewhere in their embrace.

 

“I know.” She soothes over and over again. “I know.”

 

They hold each other for a lifetime. The reality is only a few seconds but when they both pull away, there’s an unspoken understanding between them.

 

“You have everything you need right here. You will _always_ have a family in us.”

 

Somewhere over her shoulder, she sees him. Somewhere across the lawn, as Poe releases him from a crushing hug. Ben’s hand now stretched before the man beside them. It takes Finn several seconds to return the gesture.

 

 _Out of all the houses —_ she thinks.

 

* * *

 

The evening is setting in fast now. The summer sky awash with soft hues of pink and orange and Rey had never felt so content — so _whole._ Somewhere throughout the day, she had managed to explore the thicket of willows and perch herself on a bench just under the soft sway of branches. 

 

She had understood Ben and his parents needed some time to talk. They had excused themselves from the garden an hour ago — or maybe even two. She couldn’t be sure how long she had been sat here for, it was too beautiful to care. Finn and Poe had joined her for a time, indulging her with all the gossip and stories they wished she had been apart of.

 

They hugged her as everyone else had — that same desperation to never let go. Finn still called her Peanut and Poe promised to cook her his infamous pasta dish. And — even when they had long gone and she was left to slip off her shoes and feel the grass between her toes, Rey still had yet to lose her smile.

 

“Is this seat taken?” An older gentleman interrupts the thought, gesturing towards the empty section of bench beside her. She shakes her head in answer.

 

They sit in silent reflection for several minutes. She tries her best to study him as best as she can from the corner of her eye. His hair is unkept, long and greying and his hand rubs in thought along the thick wire of his beard. His entire outfit is some form of off-white linen, accompanied with a scratchy looking brown cardigan that can’t be comfortable.

 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it. — The garden I mean.” His voice is dry, as if he’s talking to no one in particular and it only makes him harder to read.

 

“Mmm, very.” She nods.

 

“I remember the first time I saw it too. Just a scrawny farmhand who thought grass could only ever be yellow and dry.” He has still yet to look at her, his eyes roaming across each square foot of green. “Maybe that was my problem.”

 

“I don’t follow?” 

 

“Not truly understanding.” He frowns turning to face her, yet his words are somewhere far and distant — like he’s not really talking to her at all. “I was so desperate to escape that life. I never understood someone might feel the same in this one.”

 

Rey can see a guilt behind his words. Now that he’s really looking at her, it exists somewhere behind the blue of his eyes. She wants to question him further, still yet to understand exactly his meaning and her mouth goes to open —

 

“Luke.”

 

The familiar depth of his voice startles them both. He’s the most relaxed she’s seen him all afternoon but she begins to see his body tense as he stares at Luke —was it? — beside her.

 

He nods back politely and begins to excuse himself from the bench. Rey thinks he’s about to pass but then his hand falls to his shoulder and he squeezes it with a warmth she wouldn’t expect from him. “See you round kid.”

 

It’s just them left now.

 

“Hey.”

 

And there’s a smile forming at his lips.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Everything okay?” The question sounds simple despite the circumstances — the history behind it.

 

“Yeah.” He nods, his eyes set on her as if she is the answer. “Yeah it is.”

 

Rey isn’t sure who moves first. Maybe it was her rising from the bench or Ben pulling her towards him — but he kisses her with a softness she has yet to come back from. His mouth parting and pushing into her own like a hot knife to butter.

 

They part — barely, but he’s stroking back her hair and his thumb skims across her cheekbone.

 

“There’s something I want to show you.”

 

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes was all it took. 

 

From their goodbyes at the house and the embrace between her and Han that felt like it would last a lifetime, it only took fifteen minutes for Rey to see that familiar rusted gate.

 

He had parked up minutes ago. But now he was just staring at her, — waiting for her to be ready.

 

It looked different. Slightly emptier then usual. There were at least several towers of cars missing — her favourite spot to climb was nowhere to be seen.

 

And he doesn’t stop her leaving the car. In fact, he smiles when she does. He follows slightly behind, allowing her this moment to process what she’s seeing.But fuck — she’s not even sure what she’s supposed to be seeing.

 

“I bought it.” He states cooly, staring out at it, just like she was.The noise that Rey makes is unrecognisable. Words refuse to exist.“Unkar sold it off when all of Snoke’s files came to light.” His grip is tight in her hand. She can’t remember when he took hold of it.

 

“Ben — I — You didn’t have to do—”

 

“The police arrested him this morning.” He continues. “He was already half way across the country.”

 

“What are you going to do with it?”

 

He turns her in his arms then. The one hand pressing into the small of her back, the other brushing delicately across her lips that have begun to tremble.

 

“I’m going to tear it down, so you’ll never have to go back.” He says it so matter of factly — like it was obvious the entire time.

 

Rey turns to look at it. She notices the ‘Sold’ sign barely hanging on to the fence. How had she not spotted that sooner?

 

“I would raise the entire earth up for you if I had too.” He murmurs, his breath low and hot against his reclamation of her lips. “You hadn’t even dried off from the rain when I fell in love with you that night.”

 

“Ben—” She hugs onto him tight. There are no words deserving for him so she just squeezes until he understands. They must stand like this for a lifetime, but he doesn’t end what she so desperately needs to convey. He just strokes across her hair, down her back and hums the same three words over and over.

 

There was a poetry to it all. Her old home, barely holding together behind them, while she had never stood stronger in the arms of her new one.

 

A supposed monster to be feared — owned by something far worse.

 

“Come on.” He draws back - a swift chaste kiss pressed against her lips. He couldn’t be more misunderstood. “Time to go home.”

 

_That word again. — Home._

 

Out of all the houses Rey could have targeted.. 

 

He was always going to be her home.

 

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I don’t really know where to start you guys. So lets start with last April — I was hospitalised with Glandular Fever, I was signed off work for months after. I was miserable, feverish and just a big old emotional mess and maybe it was the high fever or the genuine frustration of wanting to do something, but one day in June, I forced myself out of the house and sat down in an empty Starbucks and I came up with this. 
> 
> I wrote 5 chapters. I assumed I would be lucky enough to get a 100 readers. God — I was so rusty, I was lucky to just get one. It wouldn’t be so scary if I dipped my toe in the water right? Just a quick fic to warm up to something better — something more. But then I watched 100 hits become a 1000 hits, then 4000 hits become 7000. It is still so crazy to me!
> 
> You guys are incredible! You pushed me past my comfort zone, you kept me writing when a small part of me said I couldn’t. Every comment, every kudos, saved me and ‘Break In’ time and time again. But now that I’m here.. Almost a whole year since the beginning, I realise something now — I don’t want it to end. 
> 
> It’s scary leaving behind something that was so intrinsic to your recovery and sanity. So writing the end, shit — even getting to the end — that’s all down to you guys. To @Uh_No_Thanks, @Riri19911 and @castles_and_crowns... Just thank you for everything. Every chapter you guys were there, your comments made me laugh, Anya your artwork made me cry.. and maybe I’m being a big soft idiot, but there was no way I couldn’t finish this fic and not dedicate something to you three. So this ending is for you. 
> 
> Okay — I’m stalling now. I gotta let go. Okay girl you need to sign off. Your fingers need to stop typing, you need to say goodbye. But actually before I do, please come say hello on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KahliiRen) & [Tumblr](http://karhli.tumblr.com). That is where you’ll most likely find me rambling about the next fic I have planned, which may or may not feed my secret CEO office romance kink. 
> 
> Right stalling again — okay. For real this time. Thank you guys, for everything. Until the next time.. 
> 
> Kahli x


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